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Loving the Sinner Without A Rule Book By Alicia Becton The old "Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin" cliche is much easier to say and agree with than to actually put into practice. This is especially true with certain types of sin. In human eyes, there are degrees of sin whether or not there are in God’s eyes; therefore, we allow ourselves to pick and choose whom we will witness to and avoid those that make us the most uncomfortable. You don’t agree with the previous sentence? Sure you do—you don’t have gay friends to whom you’re trying to witness. I do. I felt compelled to respond to Debbie Goff’s A Modern Day Zacchaeus Tale (Ephemera Dec. 6) because, for a short article, it created several emotions and responses within me. Unless you have been faced with friends you love being homosexual, it is an easy issue to avoid. For whatever reason, I have been unable to avoid it. Throughout high school and college I have had a few guy friends tell me they were gay. By the time this happened, we were already close and they knew my religious beliefs. So, the choice I had to make was to either back off from the friendships and allow them to believe that ‘Christians’ were selective on whom they would share God’s love, or continue the friendships knowing I was the only light they may ever see. This was an easy choice for me and, years later, I am still friends with these guys. The only times two of them have visited a church in the last year have been with me in an Apostolic church. This proves an interesting and unfair test for my Apostolic colleagues. They don’t know these guys and have successfully avoided this issue—whether intentionally or not—until I walk into church and expect them to be friendly. One Sunday night a gay friend was in town and, to my surprise, agreed to go to church with me. So, I called my former roommate and she said her husband would watch for us. Not only was he waiting for us, but he saved us seats and went out of his way to be friendly. His view was while he couldn’t condone the lifestyle in a social setting, he could certainly welcome him to church and try to make him feel comfortable there. To my surprise, my other Apostolic friends went out of their way to introduce themselves and welcome my friend from a ‘safe’ distance. The timing for this particular friend was crucial as he had just found out the week before that he was HIV positive. Facing the ramifications of a lifestyle that isn’t accepted, little support from his family, and being only 22 years old, I felt a greater burden than ever to be the light he needs to see. In fact, I’m thankful that I can offer him a place of refuge. I am unwilling to walk away from him just because it makes my friends—or me—uncomfortable. The question I constantly ask myself is, "What would Jesus do?" I can only hope and pray that my actions reflect a correct answer the majority of the time. The General Conference of the United Pentecostal Church was in Nashville this year and a different gay friend wanted to attend the Harvestime songfest with me. Being a former Apostolic, he was familiar with several singers on the program, so we made plans to meet for the service. He brought another gay friend with him and we attended service together. His friend had never been in any kind of Apostolic service and was amazed at the music, anointed singing, and talent he observed. I have to admit that I felt I needed to keep my distance from my Apostolic friends that night until the two guys left, but counted it a small price to pay. How do I know if the second visitor would have ever come in contact with God’s anointing, or if he ever will again? Just a couple weeks ago this same former apostolic met me for a special church service and again, I felt that I should keep my distance from my apostolic friends. I guess I try to keep this distance so everyone will be more comfortable and my church friends don’t have to actually hold a conversation with a complete stranger that happens to be gay (this especially compromises most guys’ sense of masculinity). I guess what I’m trying to do is maintain these friendships by seeing them from time-to-time, but on my territory—the church. I may meet them for dinner or some other neutral ground, but also want to balance those activities out by bringing them to church with me. I have no support in this area from church friends because no one else from church deals with having gay friends. I can’t really explain why that is, but one gay friend told me that when it’s discovered that someone like me is not afraid to maintain contact and friendship with a known homosexual, it does make it easier for other friendships to begin, or for other guys to ‘come out’ to me. Let me also say that I, in no way, hold anything against my church friends for the lack of support; I do realize the unfairness of subjecting them to this issue. On the other hand, one church friend told me that it was good for him because these visits pushed him out of his comfort zone. I struggle with whether or not I should be the one to get my friends out of their comfort zone. I struggle with getting out of my own comfort zone. This is not an easy place for me to be and I could go on and on with the question "Why me?", but I won’t. So, I can offer no solutions, only relate some of my personal experiences. I will say that I have a good church friend that offers me his opinion on the subject, whether or not I ask for it. He constantly reminds me of the way this lifestyle is portrayed on television and how desensitized we’ve become as a society to this abomination. He worries about me keeping in contact with these guys and we’ve had several discussions, no, arguments over it. His attitude may not be perfect, but I’ve found that while I’m not getting much support from him, he does keep things in perspective for me and I know I need to hear it. I have to believe there is a reason my path crossed theirs and my constant prayer is, "Lord, love them through me." This prayer has been answered because I do feel a great love for my gay friends, as well as a burden for them. May I always remember the words of Paul: "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, no thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God." (I Corinthians 6:9-11) So, having shared some personal experiences, admitted that I have no firm answers to this issue, and surprised a lot of people, where does this leave me? The only place I feel like I can be—and live with myself. For as Jesus says, "They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." (Mark 2:17) ninetyandnine.com Article © Alicia Becton, 1999 ------- Alicia Becton works in the insurance field and coaches a Junior Bible Quizzing team in Nashville. A graduate of the University of Missouri - St. Louis, with a Bachelor of Science degree in Applied Mathematics, she travels the country often – though she tries to avoid the boring drive between Nashville and St. Louis whenever possible. Have an opinion on an article? Let us know how you feel! Click feedback & fill us in. |
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