|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
Growing Up MarkedBy Jonathan Walker January 17, 2000 I am marked. Wherever I go and whatever I do, I am not simply a college student, but someone else. It's like having a personal John the Baptist who goes before me in every situation. It's both a weight and a joy. It is my last name. I was recently approached by a good friend who had a look of worry and regret on his face. He went on to ask me for forgiveness for feelings which he had toward me when he started attending our church. Quite curious, I asked him to explain. He told me that he felt I was arrogant, stuck up, and unwilling to associate with everyone in the church and youth group. However, his apology stemmed from the fact that he harbored these feelings without ever meeting or speaking to me. He had a negative pre-disposition towards preacher's kids. He assumed I was composed of all these characteristics. I was shocked speechless because we have been friends for years, and I have tried to act the opposite of how he initially viewed me. If he had not opened up and apologized to me, I would have never guessed he had felt that way. I am marked without even interacting with people. Growing up marked is an unavoidable experience for many people. It is impossible to go through life without being labeled in some form or capacity. This concept is so prevalent in society that sociologists have developed an actual "labeling theory" which helps predict certain behaviors. Whether you realize it or not, at some time you have been marked by others into a pre-conceived category. Despite the degree of accuracy, marking is inevitable. There are several different avenues by which marking can manifest itself in your life. In a church setting it is easy to distinguish the outgoing person from the reserved, quiet person. Often, we mark people into categories without even acknowledging who they might be like on the inside. Throughout the Bible, the Lord always placed great emphasis on the hidden, inward parts of the soul. Yet, we ask someone which church they’re from and instantly develop an idea of what that person might be like, merely because they are from a particular church! On a broader scale, it is easy to label people by which state or region of the country they are from. There are even organizational markings. Yes, there will be multi-denominational saints in heaven. What a surprised look many people will have on their face when they realize who made it to heaven! My father, Reverend Marvin G. Walker, has been in a prominent position in the United Pentecostal Church International my entire life. He was the national coordinator of campus ministry for five years, an assistant pastor in Cincinnati, Ohio for 25 years, and the North American Bible Quiz coordinator for nearly 20 years. He is now the president of Tupelo Children's Mansion and pastor of Abundant Life Tabernacle in Tupelo, Mississippi. I do not have any brothers or sisters. Being an only child increased the frustration of being labeled. Sharing the pressure of being "Bro. Walker's son" with a sibling was not an option. As a young boy I can always remember answering the phone calls from across the country by saying, "Walkers' residence, may I help you?" The response was always, "Oh, you must be Bro. Walker's son." Why couldn't all the preachers accept me for being Jonathan the person, not just the son of successful parents? I wanted to tell them I had a name, but it didn't matter. I was "Bro. Walker's son." The standard behavior that is expected of a kid was much higher for me. Growing up, I always felt that all my friends watched me much closer than anyone else. It seemed like everyone was waiting for the holy preacher's kid to mess up, instantly alleviating their trespasses. To compensate for the feelings I perceived, I would try my best to be the perfect kid, an unfair expectation. I was walking on the tight rope of fear of failure. Well, one day my fears became reality. My first memorable experience came in a junior Sunday School class. Her name was Sarah, and she was annoying. Sarah possessed the uncanny ability to aggravate someone, then quickly turn around and smile as if nothing happened. During one fateful class, she chose to annoy me and I decided to retaliate. It was a bad decision. I told her that her countenance was not as appealing as the other girls in the class. Actually, my statement was harsher than that, and I got my point across. She jeered at me and I assumed that would be the end of the encounter. However, following service my father, in a stern voice and somber face, demanded my presence in the church office. Awaiting me in the office was not only Sarah, but also her parents, her brother, our Sunday School teacher, and her best friend—all witnesses against me. I realized my life was suddenly in jeopardy. Sarah's parents were greatly offended that a minister's son could speak so negatively about someone else. Sarah's father said, "Don't you realize the position that you are in?" They were not just focusing on what I said, but who I was and what I represented. How was a naďve, bratty kid at the age of nine supposed to realize and comprehend that? It wasn't fair! I merely wanted to blend in with all my friends and be part of the crowd. I still do. However, I quickly learned about others expectations of me. As for my father, my side of the encounter did not matter and wasn't even told. Without creating a graphic word picture or incriminating his instructional techniques, the punishment I received from that incident is most memorable in my mind. There are some blessings that come with being marked, but many lofty, unfair expectations as well. There was cognitive dissonance in my mind toward this position. Often I felt such honor and esteem because of my heritage, while at the same time channeling feelings of resentment. As a child, I would sit in the congregation with appreciation as my father impacted the lives of our congregation. However, mere hours later, when church had dismissed, I would watch my friends playfully run about the church with joy and enthusiasm. They were always allowed to "run in church." To my youthful eyes, It looked like so much fun. But I knew if I took off in an unabashed dash around the church, my parents or a good elder would yank my arm off as I went by! There came a time as a teenager when I was searching for my own identity. I realized that being “Bro. Walker's son” would get me nowhere in the long run. Although it would open doors for me at first, I realized I had to develop as an individual personality. Besides being his son, I wanted people to know and appreciate me for my individuality. My father and I remember the first time that occurred. The 1995 General Conference for the United Pentecostal Church International was held in Des Moines, Iowa. A long walk was required from the hotels to the arena holding the services. My father and I, while walking to the arena, encountered many ministers who referred to me with the usual "Bro. Walker's son" reference. However, before entering the conference service, I saw and began talking with some friends from Arkansas. Surprisingly, one of them turned to my father and asked, "Are you Jonathan's father?" My father and I laughed at the role reversal. For the first time, I had a name and he didn't! So how do you escape or avoid being marked? You can't! Nevertheless, you can break away from how you are labeled by growing into your own identity. My pastor preached a recent, powerful sermon on obtaining your own manna. You can be thankful for your heritage and make it your spiritual foundation. However, your spiritual house must be built with individual effort. The Israelites were blessed with manna from heaven for 40 years and then one day looked out and the manna was gone. The Lord decided to make them search and discover their own manna. I am in Cincinnati, while my parents live in Mississippi. I no longer wake up to my mother's powerful prayers in the room next to me. I cannot lean on their spiritual maturity, like I have in the past. Instead, I am searching the scriptures with dedication and purpose. No longer are the promises of scripture being shown to me by others, but I am discovering them for myself. The time has come for us to release our individual, unique ministries and see them come to fruition. Everyone has the capacity to develop a personal ministry that is distinctive and anointed. The Word says, "Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me." (John 5:39) "These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so." (Acts 17:11) Through the diligent, individual pursuit of God's word, He will honor anyone with a specialized ministry. I am determined not to be just satisfied with a certain marking, but allow the Lord to work through me to reveal a personalized, unique ministry in His kingdom—even if I am "Bro. Walker's son." After all, God wants the marked to use their heritage as a tool, not a crutch. ninetyandnine.com Article © Jonathan Walker, 2000 -------- Jonathan Walker is a third year Communication major at the University of Cincinnati, while also serving on the youth team at Calvary Church. His hobbies include eating Taco Bell, playing golf, exercising, and drumming. If Jonathan is not traveling around the country accumulating frequent flyer miles, you will probably find him scampering around a tennis court pretending to be his friend, Andre Agassi, or cheering on the # 1 college basketball team in the nation, the Cincinnati Bearcats.
|
|
|
