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This is the fourth in a series about the season of
singleness. To follow is the topic about finding a mate and the results from our
online romance survey.
Single: A Self-Portrait -- The Best in Life
By Cara Baker
August
7, 2000
Mom and I were cooking dinner last night when we noticed
all the new groceries were very cheap brands and low quality. The mayonnaise
glopped out in a big ball and wouldn't even spread in Mom's pea salad. All the
mac and cheese box mixes had to be prepared on the stove instead of in the
microwave. The lemonade mix reeked of sour lemons. The cookies crumbed through
my fingers before their blandness reached my mouth.
Apparently, Dad went grocery shopping while Mom and I were
out of town.
He'll do anything to save a buck. So he shopped at the
discount food store and ended up with less than top quality food. Even though we
may have to pay more for our groceries, Mom and I would much rather go to a
normal grocery store where we can trust the quality. Dad got what he paid for.
He also had to eat the pea salad, which I'm sure wasn't an enjoyable experience
(considering it's pretty gross with real mayonnaise).
The Best in Life
I'd like to have the best in life when possible. I'd like
to find the best job for me, be able to afford the best housing and have the
best and most healthy relationships. Being single, facing the next phase of my
life, I often wonder if I'll have the best or if I'll have to settle for less.
"... Many of us walk through life plagued by the question, 'Has God given
me His best?' But the question that we must answer first is 'Am I giving God my
best?'" Joshua Harris writes in I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
Until reading that a few years ago, I don't think I fully
realized that God doesn't owe me anything just because I call myself a
Christian. Who am I to desire the best blessings from when I don't even offer
him my best?
Everything in our lives centers around our relationship
with God. If that relationship is out of balance, other areas of our life will
be lacking. We must desire to have
the best relationship with God and make everything else secondary. "Love
the Lord your God will all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
mind and with all your strength." (Mark 12:30)
Motivation
We don't obey that commandment when our motivation for
serving God is for self-fulfillment. When our motivation is wrong, serving God
becomes much more of a chore and obligation. It's just like learning in school.
You enjoy learning about subjects you love. With the subjects you don't like,
the only reason you do the homework and read the text is because you'll be
graded.
James D. Allen, professor of educational psychology at the
College of Saint Rose, Albany, N.Y., identifies the two types of motivation and
how it affects learning. "'Intrinsic' motivation comes out of a desire from
within to do something," Allen writes in "Motivation: The Key to
Successful Learning" an article published by www.britannica.com.
"'Extrinsic' motivation is that which comes from an outside source. Both
forms can produce successful results. However, there is a distinct difference in
the long-term effects on learning. Common sense, along with support from
research, tells us that an individual is most successful at learning when he is
intrinsically rather than extrinsically motivated.
"When we have an inner desire to learn something, we
have clear, self-defined goals, persist in the face of failure, feel a sense of
satisfaction and joy when we are successful, and look forward to learning more
about the subject. When we are motivated not for the sake of learning but to
receive a reward from someone, we often are unclear about the goals, give up
easily when failure occurs, feel a sense of relief when successful, and often
avoid learning more about the subject unless there are further rewards."
Christians can develop either motivation for a relationship
with God. Those who love God unselfishly have a clear picture of their purpose,
stand strong through trials and glean satisfaction and happiness just from
growing closer to God.
Those seeking to please God only to receive his rewards and
benefits don't have a clear purpose, give up during trials and blame God when
they don't get what they want. They learn to perform the duties of a Christian
in the good times, because they know God can help them in the bad. But are they
really pleasing God with that attitude?
"We tend to view our times with the Lord strictly for
our benefit," Cynthia Heald writes in the devotional,
Abiding in Christ. "How our perspective changes when we realize that
the Lord Himself longs for our companionship. He waits for us to meet with Him
in the inner chamber of our hearts. Let us not keep Him waiting there
alone."
God actually desires our companionship. In school, I could
always tell which teachers were truly interested in my progress. I often would
go out of my way to please my teacher because he or she cared about me.
Turn-of-the-century minister Oswald Chambers says God has a
thirst than only we can quench. "Again the loneliness of our Lord comes to
me more and more," Chambers is quoted in Oswald Chambers: Abandoned to
God by David McCasland. "How few of us are concerned about satisfying
His heart. How I hear Him saying, I thirst, Give me to drink. May my Lord never
let me grow cold in my longing to be a cup in His hand for the quenching of His
own royal thirst."
The Tug of God
Our earthly needs, desires and wants won't disappear just
because we've learned to be more concerned with satisfying God's heart instead
of our own. Yet a lot of times when singles struggle with feelings of anxiety,
worry or loneliness, what they think is a desire for a career, marriage or
family may actually be God tugging at their heart desiring fellowship. God wants
us to realize He's all we need before He grants our desires.
My cousin talked with me about some struggles she faced
with her singleness. When her anxiety, fears and worries got unmanageable, she
finally realized all she needed was to surrender. "God got a hold of me and
let me see that what I was feeling was needing Him to be first in my life
because God is all I need," she says. "He allowed me to go through
that to see if I would choose Him over everyone and everything else.
Through her humbleness and brokenness, she was able to
submit herself to God and accept His lordship. "Submit yourselves, then,
to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he
will come near to you ...Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you
up." (James 4:7-8, 10)
Even though she didn't receive what she thought she wanted,
she learned God was all she really needs. After sitting at His feet awhile, God
will know when we're ready and able to handle his blessings. "Until the
will and the affections are brought under the authority of Christ, we have not
begun to understand, let alone to accept, His lordship," Elisabeth Elliot
writes in Passion and Purity.
"His divine power has given us everything we need
for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own
glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious
promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and
escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires." (2 Peter
1:3-4)
God has all we need. Even as we learn to worship with a
pure, "intrinsic" motivation, we still have God's promise of divine
rewards. What a deal! Giving our paltry best and receiving God's divine promises
in return is like paying discount prices for the name brand. Try that in your
pea salad.
Next: Just
Married
ninetyandnine.com
ã
2000, Cara Baker
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Cara Baker graduated Cum Laude from Belmont
University in Nashville, Tenn., this May. To the chagrin of her family and
friends in Tennessee, she is becoming a temporary transplant in Cleveland, Ohio,
as the Arts & Living editorial intern for Clevelandlive.com.
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