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Question
#12 Getting Past the Shotgun
By Cara Baker Maybe my
father's icy silence intimidated him. Maybe it was the way my Mom glared at his
trendy, tight-fitting shirt. Or maybe it was the shotgun peering out from behind
our backdoor. Whatever it was, my date never seemed
comfortable that night. In fact, that was the last time Guy X and I went on a
date. And certainly the last time he faced my parents. Anyone who
knows my parents can vouch that they are some of the sweetest, most
mild-mannered people in the Western Hemisphere. My father's intimidating silence
was merely shyness, while the shotgun is actually a bee-bee gun and hasn't been
touched in about 22 years. And my mother's evil glaring was...well, I take it
back, that was intentional evil glaring. Stigmas
attached to meeting parents today reach beyond the dating realm into engagement,
when the tradition of the man asking the woman's father for permission to marry
seems prehistoric. Couples are getting married at older ages these days, long
after apron strings have been cut, making any sort of "permission"
seem unnecessary and awkward. Thus, too often, couples fail to even establish
what could be meaningful and edifying relationships with their
soon-to-be-in-laws. As our survey
revealed, asking permission remains a foggy practice in the minds of today’s
Apostolics. Perhaps this is because there is little discussion on the matter and
community traditions no longer create a continuing bond.
After all, 22 of 61 respondents didn't answer the question at all. But
those who did, were overwhelmingly in favor of the practice. “(Asking
for her hand) becomes more important the older we get,” one youth leader
ventured. “When you start thinking about what’s best for the long-term
relationship, it’s about starting the engagement and subsequent marriage off
right. When you’re a teenager, it’s just ‘You and me, baby!’” When teenage
games turn into real romance, don’t let a proverbial shotgun behind the
proverbial backdoor in your girlfriend’s house prevent you from developing
a relationship with her folks. Go ahead, ask for her hand in marriage.
After all, it’s probably just a bee-bee gun. ninetyandnine.com
Article © 2000, Cara Baker ------- Cara Baker currently resides in Ohio. |
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