By
Nita K. Curry
September 18, 2000
I
have this uncanny ability to be drawn to wear black clothes.
I love all sorts of colors, but when it comes to wearing clothes, I
often choose black. Personal affinities are evident in other areas of my life. I
search for furniture and it is always the most expensive pieces I want. It is
frustrating, yet it helps with prioritizing.
So,
it is when looking for a mate. Priority answers give such insight on where
readers are drawn and what is important in this all-important decision.
The
one obvious desired trait was for a spouse who had a “walk with God,” was
“spiritual” and/or that God was “Number One” in their life.
This isn’t a surprise since the majority of our readers are Apostolics.
Neither
was it a shock when the next majority was a dead-heat tie between someone with a
“good personality and sense of humor” and the all-important/overrated
“looks” category.
Interestingly,
the next two traits also came in as a tie: “intelligence” and “honesty.”
These two rounded out our Top Five list.
The
next five traits included “friendship,” “someone with goals,”
“faithfulness,” “compatibility,” and a “hard-worker.”
What is interesting isn’t that these traits are out-of-place or odd,
but it is in what order they ranked.
Some
of the traits that received few votes included “character,” “money
sense,” and “shares similar goals.” Now
far be it from me to question the rankings, but I would have thought that more
people would have said that these traits were a necessity.
I don’t know too many traits that can create a more “unblissful”
marriage than a spouse who can’t manage their money, has raunchy character and
doesn’t even care about what is important to me!
Like
every question, there were some surprises; one rankd “good (non-French)
kisser” among their top three, while another desired someone who “wants
children” and another’s top-three trait was a “virgin.”
While
so many of the traits listed were important and desired, I think the key element
that is missing in the decision-making process is a strong grasp of personal
core values. When seeking a
marriage partner, your core values (i.e. beliefs in religion, standards,
finances, goals, work ethic, etc) should be forever steadfast in your mind.
Some traits that may not be obvious on a wedding day may evolve in the
marriage if that person is open to improving themselves. Core values should be
there before the wedding.
For
example, suppose one of your desired traits is that you wish for your spouse to
be a “gentlemen” or a “lady.” Everything else in that person lines up,
but they just don’t quite know the basics of refined behavior. Instead of
dumping them as a loser, perhaps it’s wiser to ask yourself a few questions:
·
Has that person ever been taught?
·
Have they improved in that area as you dated?
·
Are they willing to improve?
I
know someone who can’t get dates because the opposite gender says, “They
smack their mouth when they eat.” I
understand it is a little embarrassing and perhaps a bit disgusting, but
that’s something you could help them work on improving! Besides, it isn’t
hard to find something you don’t like. It takes more maturity to focus on the
best in that person and build upward.
My
husband and I are constantly trying to help the other be a better person.
After ten years we still aren’t perfect, but it helps when I know he
cares enough about our relationship
to not mess up the bathroom towel every time he dries his hands!
That is not a core value, but it does help keep the day-to-day peace.
Knowing
your core values is vital when picking the person you will share the rest of
your life with. It is encouraging
to know that there is a group of Apostolics who have actually thought it
through.
ninetyandnine.com
ã
2000, ninetyandnine.com
---------
Nita
Curry works on her core values in St. Louis, Missouri.
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