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Growing up Gay in the Apostolic ChurchBy
Jeremy Strickland "Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding." - Proverbs 3:13 I refuse to be silent! Recently I have been pushed to expand my perspective
and ideas about homosexuality (Loving the
Sinner Without a Rule Book, Jan 3, 2000; A
Modern Day Zacchaeus Tale In a conversation a month ago he revealed to me that he
might be homosexual. He assured me
the feelings he was experiencing were not a fad, but he’d been having these
“urges” almost as long as he could remember.
With tears streaming down his face, arms clasped around his chest, and
desperation in his voice, he spoke of the pain of his childhood.
Kids are often harsh and judgmental.
Andy was always viewed as “different” and an outsider because he
didn’t play sports and hang out with the other boys on the playground.
In Junior High people were constantly asking him to his face if he was
gay, a homo, and/or a fag. Words cannot do justice in emoting all the pain he
has gone through. Then, there is the issue of his father.
Both parents are strong Apostolics who are very involved with the church.
His father was distant during his early childhood and somewhere along the
way there was a perception problem. Andy
felt that his father didn’t like him, therefore he ran to the mother and
started imitating her actions. His
dad didn’t know how to handle this, and ended up rejecting his son. Needless
to say, there is a lot of emotional pain on both sides that must be worked
through. Now, Andy is faced with a difficult situation: to give in
to these feelings that have been silenced all these years or to fully give in to
Christ. My concern is not with Andy
as much as our reaction as Christians. We
must consider there may be a time when someone within the church might come to
us and acknowledge this in their life. After all, as society grows more accepting
of this common-day issue, it will happen to more of us.
Then we’ll have to make a decision. I have decided that I will not
reject Andy. I will no longer dismiss this issue and simply say that it is
wrong. I will learn as much as possible about this subject so I might be able to
help him. It is time that we all
realize that people are in dire pain and hurting because of something that is
not their fault. Through this
experience I am learning there are questions that must be answered: What is
homosexuality? Why is he/she like
this? Is there hope for him/her?
How can friends help? I have read several books that shed some light on the
subject in trying to learn as much as possible, but some seem to be more
judgmental than others. The only
material that has been published on the subject by an Apostolic, that I have
found, is The Homosexual Disillusion by
Jim Yohe. One cannot argue Bro.
Yohe’s burden for the writing but might have some objections to the tone and
purpose. His thesis seems to be,
“If
you don’t change your ways you’re going straight to hell.”
Although this may be true, it probably will not help the person who is
about to lose his mind. Some books with a more sensitive tone are: Desires in Conflict, Strong
Delusion both by Joe Dallas and Healing
The Masculine Soul by Gordon Dalbey - a must read for any post-adolescent
male. There are hundreds of books and psychologists that have
attempted to explain the subject of homosexuality. Therefore, it would be absurd to think I could explain the
origins of the matter in one article, much less a couple of paragraphs. In my
opinion, homosexuality is an unnatural sexual affection toward the same sex in
which the affection is carried out in sexual acts. Now this definition brings up another problem:
what if an individual has very strong affections toward the same sex, but
has never participated in a homosexual act?
This is referred to as Same Sex Attraction or SSA. Let me insert that in
order for two people to have a friendship there must be some amount of
attraction and common interest. We
are not attracted to the physical body, but rather personality, talents, and the
spiritual self. SSA is an
attraction that is much stronger than feelings of friendship.
Andy is not homosexual, but he does fight with SSA. Why some experience these unnatural attractions and not
others is an important question. Remember
that each person and his situation is different and we cannot treat each case
the same. One point that has been
theorized, (it’s the one I agree with the most) is SSA or homosexuality is an
emotional deficiency. Many
disagree with this theory. For
whatever reason, the person did not receive the proper male support necessary
during childhood and early adolescence. Then,
somewhere in early adolescence, the emotional wires and the sexual wires got
mixed up (that’s as simple as I can say it).
In a nutshell, the individual turns to men in a sexual way for the
confirmation that was not received earlier in life. There is hope for the Fighter. It’s unfortunate that the media does not report the
psychologists and counselors who disagree with theories of the “homo gene”
or the improperly hormonalized brain of a fetus (neither of which have been
scientifically proven). Several tests and studies have shown this is an emotional problem
and can be reversed. As Joe Dallas
puts it, “The individual must come to the conclusion that these feelings are
wrong, understand that God loves him no matter what, make a conscious effort
with the help of the Lord to guard sexual integrity, and acknowledge the need
for healthy male relationships in his life.” (1)
In each male’s life there is the need for a mentor, a nurturer, and
fellow comrades. The person
fighting SSA will usually deny himself healthy male relationships because he
doesn’t know how to relate to males and he is afraid of being “found out”. In the coming age we will see the influence of the homosexual agenda more than ever. We would be foolish to believe that it has not reached into Apostolic circles, because it has. If we want to help, we might consider getting educated, not being afraid, and praying for those who fight with this. After Andy’s confession I am convinced he is not the only one out there. [If you have been fighting with SSA, know that God loves you and there is healing for your soul; you do not have to fight this alone.] ninetyandnine.com © Jeremy
Strickland -------- Jeremy Strickland,
a pk, is a junior who is a hair shy of a BA in Music and has started on a degree
in Psychology at the University of Arkansas at Little Rock.
Jeremy has found the girl of his dreams, but has yet to get up the nerve
to ask her out on a date….maybe one of these days….. (1) Joe Dallas, Desires in Conflict Have an opinion on an article? Let us know how you feel! Click feedback & fill us in. |
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