Romance
without Dating
- A
Godly Alternative
By Robin Parfait
October 16, 2000
“I made up my mind that nothing less than God's best would do.
For me, that meant dating was out.”
Romance.
Thoughts of red roses, candlelight dinners,
moonlit strolls on a beach, and endless hours spent with that special someone
instantly come to mind when most of us hear this word.
Although I did not participate in the Apostolic
romance survey, I would like to share my thoughts on this popular
subject.
I am a single, Apostolic female. Most people
would refer to me as a "hopeless romantic."
I prefer the term "hopeful romantic."
I often conjure up scenarios of Mr. Wonderful sweeping me off my feet and
both of us living happily ever after. I
can get just as sappy as the next person when it comes to anything of a romantic
nature. However, despite these romantic notions, I know there's more to love and
romance than that depicted in fairy tales and on the big screen. That's why at
23 years of age, I have never dated¾ever!
Now, the average person would think,"Wow! She must be
pretty pathetic to have never dated!" I don't see it that way. It's a
choice I've made which I believe will benefit me in the long run. My decision
not to date didn’t begin as a conscious choice. That decision was made only
about three years ago.
It was not that I had not wanted to date. Throughout high
school, I had the usual schoolgirl crushes, but nothing "clicked."
Either I wasn't interested or he (whoever I had a crush on at the time)
wasn't interested. Another factor which played a big role in this was that I
wanted my parents' (mostly my dad's) approval. Always, I knew they (he) wouldn't
approve of the guy, even though the guys weren't that bad.
I just knew that my parents wouldn't approve¾end
of story.
As I look back, I realize my subconscious was telling me
that deep down I didn't approve, either. Even back then, I had set my dating
standards high. For instance, I had been brought up in church (though not an
Apostolic one). It was important to
me that a potential suitor had a Christian upbringing. I was also looking for
other qualities; I won't go into detail. Apparently, the candidates I had to
choose from didn't possess the qualities I wanted, because nothing clicked.
Now, I know no one is perfect. In fact, if I ever met a guy
who was perfect, he wouldn't date me because I don’t qualify as perfect!
I'm not looking for perfection, because Jesus is the only man I know who
was perfect. Neither do I intend to
sound as though I've been screening job applicants. But there came a point in my
life when I had to take my convictions to a much higher level.
Although I had set high standards for what I wanted in a dating
relationship, I had not let them take root in my heart. When they did, I
made up my mind that nothing less than God's best would do.
For me, that meant dating was out. I didn't want the pressures of trying
to impress someone and putting on a show. I didn't want the hurt and confusion
that often accompanies and follows dating relationships. To me, casual dating is
like eating dessert before dinner. It might taste good, but you'll get sick and
too full to eat what's good for you in the main course.
In short, casual dating is premature romance. My philosophy
is, "All or nothing." If a gentleman has no intention of committing to
me, then he shouldn't ask for my heart on a silver platter¾only
to return the leftovers. The same is true for me. I shouldn't lead a guy on to
believe that there could be more between us if I can't imagine spending the rest
of my life with him.
I've decided that when I do meet someone with whom
I want to spend the rest of my life, I want to have a courtship with him. That
time will be spent getting to know each other in everyday settings, not just a
night out on the town. What it all
boils down to is that the first man I date and kiss will be my husband!
You're probably thinking, "That's so serious!
After all, how do you know someone is the one for you if you don't date
them?" It is serious, because my future happiness is nothing to be taken
lightly. The awesome part is that I've learned to trust God though scripture:
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all
these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew
6:33) I believe that if you honor God in everything you do, He'll honor
you in every situation, including your romantic relationship.
By not dating, I've saved myself some needless
heartaches. No feelings have been hurt, no values compromised, and no valuable
friendships have been jeopardized because of romantic feelings voiced too soon.
I don't expect everyone to embrace my way of
thinking. This approach to romance won't work for everyone, but perhaps it will
help someone who is tired of playing the dating game according to the world's
rules.
We as Apostolics are called to be different from
the world. “And be not
conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind,
that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of
God.” (Romans12:2) God's
will is more important than my own. When we wait for His good and perfect will
to be done, it's always far better than anything we could have imagined it to
be.
Yes, it's difficult to wait when it seems as if
everyone else is going at lightning speed. No one ever said that tarrying would
be easy. But, then again, the best things in life are always worth the wait.
ninetyandnine.com
ã
2000, Robin Parfait
--------
A native of Louisiana, Robin Parfait now
resides in Nashville. She is currently taking a sabbatical from her studies in
architectural drafting. Being the "hopeful romantic" that she is, her
plan is to one day design the house of her dreams in which she will raise a
family along with her significant other, Mr. Wonderful.
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