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Reader Survey: Successful Relationshipsninetyandnine.com asked Christians around the world: “What is important to the health and success of a relationship?” Their answers fell into the following categories:
Spiritual Commitment“As far as romantic relationships are concerned, there are two key points to having a strong relationship: #1, ensuring that God is the focus of your relationship...a good analogy for this would be a kind of pyramid, with God at the top, and you and your significant other at opposite corners....as you draw closer to God, you naturally draw closer to each other.....#2, everyone is concerned with finding the perfect match, but you have to realize you are both human, and you both have faults and shortcomings, but when God is the focus of your relationship, He will fill all of the empty spots in each of your lives.....and when God makes a person complete, that's when they can be truly perfect.” Tom Merk, Strongsville, Ohio
“It has to be centered around God's will. After all, without the will of God it is just not going to work. Secondly I think it is important to have a courtship type approach to the situation instead of a ‘dating’ type. With dating people often just jump into the relationship without first developing a firm foundation of a friendship. You need to have the friendship before you can have anything else. If you have both these things in a relationship (God's will and a strong friendship to grow from) then I am sure it will lead to success!” Charity Jack, Chicago, Illinois
“Putting God first in any relationship will help lead to success. Communication will play a big role also. Without communication you or your partner have no clue what's going on with each other. You can't let your relationship be too serious without having some fun, there has to be a point when all seriousness is aside, whether it be a romantic relationship or just a one-on-one friendship.” Kandis Barnett, Kingsport, Tennessee
“The first thing I think to ask is, “Does God come first in the relationship?” Does the person in a relationship really have a love of God in their lives, does it show forth? Is there a prayer life in each person’s life? I have learned in my own life and at times I do forget, no matter if it a couple relationship or just a friend relationship, there has to be a same belief. If God is involved in any relationship everything else falls together.” Jennifer Pruitt, Mt. Juliet, Tennessee
“First and foremost, in a male/female relationship, a marriage, a commitment to something greater than the marriage itself must exist for me: commitment to God. When the marriage is stressed and in danger, I appeal to the greater relationship I have with the Lord Jesus. I believe one out of two marriages this year will fail in the U.S. without this greater cause …. I want to love my wife the way my two boys love her. They really love her, and I can see it on their face and hear it in their voice. I can feel it in the air. I want to love my wife the way my boys love her, without anger, resentment, or unwillingness to forgive. Blood is thick.” S.D. Kent, Atlanta, Georgia
Commitment to Each Other“Knowing that each person values the relationship, and they both make an effort to make things work.” Scott Merk, Strongsville, Ohio
“An all-consuming commitment that regardless of what comes your way, you are committed to that relationship. In any relationship, whether it is with friends, family, boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse, there will be situations that arise where it would be much easier and less painful to just walk away. However, when you are committed to a relationship you are much more likely to work things out. I have an extremely good friend who I have almost nothing in common with anymore; we have a mutual love and history together but most importantly, we have a commitment to each other and our friendship. Because of this commitment our friendship has a depth that none of my other friendships have even though I have much more in common with them. It isn't much different then one's commitment to Christ. We don't always feel like we are in sync with God, we don't always feel like we are on the mountain top, we don't always feel like He is listening to us, but our commitment to Him overrides any feelings. Love + Feelings = Turmoil. Love + Passion = Abbreviated Happiness. Commitment + Love = Peace. Commitment to Christ, family, friends, spouses etc. provide an incredible peace. Not perfection, but peace.” Nita Curry, Bridgeton, Missouri
Time! A person can't expect to have a relationship with another individual without spending quality time with them. An unfortunate, but good example of how time has an effect on relationships is that of my childhood best friend. We would constantly be hanging around together, sharing our thoughts, spend the night at each other's houses, fighting, you name it. The last meaningful thing that he was involved in was that he was the best man in my wedding. After that, we saw less and less of each other, until I eventually lost track of him. Also spending time with God will help our relationships with others, simply because, He will make us less self-centered. A relationship can't be centered around any one person. It has to be give-and-take. Otherwise, it will have no meaning. P.E. Huffman, Wentzville, Missouri
Trust and Honesty“Without a doubt trust is the number one most important, absolutely-gotta-have ingredient to a successful relationship¾whether it be a friendship or a “I'm-falling-in-love-with-you-and-think-I-might-want-to-marry-you-ship.” If trust is not at the core of every relationship, there is no chance that it will get past the “What's your favorite movie, color, animal” stage. If you can't trust someone, than you can't let them past the front gates of acquaintance and everything comes to a screeching halt. If you aren't sure you can trust someone, you are constantly on guard, ready to be hurt at any moment. You don't say what you really feel or think for fear of rejection or being misunderstood. So, in essence, the entire relationship is based on falsehoods. Can you believe that many people find themselves married before the guard starts slipping? Trust. It's essential.” Jaime McGarvey, Moberly, Missouri
“The key to successful relationships is honesty. Neither love nor friendship can adequately ward off the inevitable strains in relationships, but honesty is the key. It purifies communication and allows trust to be built, which in turn develops into love. Honesty is the prerequisite for every single building block in a relationship.” Jessica Leopold, Marietta, Ohio
“Check 1 Corinthians 13 for a version of my answer. But, I'd say: trust, reliability, patience, humility, honesty, communication, and love.” David Lombardino, Paris, France
Servanthood and Compromise“Servanthood! You must be willing to sacrifice your desires for the sake of others. If both parties are serving one another in little areas, like fixing a cup of coffee for your husband while he gets ready for work or taking a turn at making dinner when your wife is overloaded. If people learn to serve one another in a million little ways the rest of the components of the relationship fall into place. Too often in today's society we think about our needs instead of others needs. This principle applies to any successful relationship whether it's a marriage, a friendship or working. Learn to be the greatest of all, by being a servant. My husband taught me this lesson by example when we were married 16 years ago. He did things like we had our own private foot-washing ceremony just to express our love to each other! It took time, but through his selfless giving I learned to reciprocate and now we have a very strong relationship that is built on mutual respect, love and trust.” Debbie Goff, Chicago, Illinois
“Compromise is a big part in a good relationship. You cannot always have it the way you want. Begin to enjoy seeing those you care about having it their way. Be that other person. See how they would feel, or how they would react. Be there for that person. If they need someone to cry on¾be that person. Sacrifice!!” Rose Pamer, Barberton, Ohio
ninetyandnine.com ã 2001, ninetyandnine.com |
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