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April Fool's Day, 2002 Dear Gabby,
My husband and I are planning a summer trip to Europe to
celebrate our fifth anniversary, and we’re very excited.
We’ve been researching a long list of places we want to see.
I’m wondering if you’ve ever been to Europe and if so, what was the
most interesting thing you saw there? Sincerely,
Dear Traveling,
My dear Harry and I were married for 52 ½ years and took
many lovely trips together. There
was the time several years after the war when we visited Omaha (the beach, not
the city in Nebraska). That was an
amazing trip. We also saw HOLA!
HOLA! WHAT IS THIS?
WHO REALLY WANTS TO READ BORING STUFF ABOUT AN OLD LADY’S TRIP TO
EUROPE? I’VE BEEN PLACES MUCH
MORE INTERESTING THAN THAT! Now
that I’ve got your attention, I’ll quit shouting and tell you who I am.
I’m
Pablo from Cuba. I’m twelve years
old. My older brother Juan calls me
El Hacko because I like to hack my way into other people’s computers.
No one but my brother knows I do this, and he wouldn’t know either,
except his specialty is unlocking locked doors and I need him to get me into my
Papa’s office downstairs. Papa works for El Presidente, Fidel Castro, and we’re very
rich. Not many people in our
beautiful little island country have computers, but Papa does, and he told me I
could use it to play computer games as long as he’s right there nearby.
He
doesn’t know how smart Juan and I are, though.
Juan and I like to search our Papa’s office late at night when the
household is sleeping. Juan’s
been trying to break into Papa’s safe while I’ve been learning Papa’s
computer. Once I discovered that I
could change the computer’s language to any one I wanted, I’ve read and read
all about computers and how they work. I’ve
also discovered that I can type in my own Spanish language and the computer
changes my words into other people’s languages so I can talk to anyone.
That’s how I’ve figured out how to travel anywhere I want to and talk
to anyone I want to¾without leaving my Papa’s
office. I like to read websites.
I like to read about other places. But
my very favorite thing to do is to hack into files where no one else is supposed
to go. I’ve found the most interesting things! I
did hack into the computer of your editor Curry man. What a boring trip that was!
His personal files were filled with articles for this website and other
religious stuff. The only thing he
ever seems to do is play an occasional game of solitaire. How interesting is that?
Instead, I decided to hack into his site and pretend I was the writer
instead of the usual boring people. You
should be happy I covered up this boring letter. I just wish I could be there when your editor Curry man finds
out I did it! So,
I’ll tell the Tucson lady some of the other boring and interesting places
I’ve traveled to with my Papa’s computer. I’ve
traveled to Washington, D.C., USA to the personal files of your president, Mr.
George W. Bush. Boy, is he
boring! I couldn’t find anything interesting in his stuff.
Either he can hide things better than most (and I can get into just about
anywhere) or he really is a good man. If
that’s so, I can’t imagine why your country would vote someone like him
to be president. El Presidente
Castro proves that it’s more important to be powerful and wicked.
That’s how you get the respect and fear of all the poor little people,
right? (At least that’s what I
hear my Papa saying to El Presidente Castro when he visits us.) You
Americans should be more proud of the president before Mr. George W. Bush.
He was good at being bad. I
found many interesting things in his files¾things
a twelve year-old boy like me probably shouldn’t read. But I learned a lot, that’s for sure! And when I was inside the files of El Presidente Castro, I
was surprised to find out that he and your former presidents were friends.
I started to ask my Papa about it one night at dinner, but Juan kicked me
under the table and I remembered that Papa didn’t know I knew stuff. Maybe
someday, when El Presidente Castro overpowers America, I’ll be able to visit
your DisneyWorld. I hope he
hurries, though, because he’s getting really old. I’ve
traveled into the files of many of your beautiful cinema stars.
Most of them are really stupid, I think.
I liked looking at the pictures, but most of their files were pretty
empty and what was there was all about them.
It was like they were trying to convince themselves of how wonderful they
were. I
had fun hacking into some of the sports stars’ files. I especially liked Oh no!
Someone’s coming. I’ve
got to get and so, Mrs. Tucson, I hope you have as lovely a trip with
your sweetheart as my dear Harry and I did all those years ago.
And, remember, the most important thing you’ll see while you’re gone
is the look of love in his eyes. Bon
Voyage! Sincerely Sincere, ninetyandnine.com © 2002, ninetyandnine.com --------- Gabrigail VanBurden
has been offering advice for longer than most of you have been alive. Email your
practical Apostolic life questions to Gabby@ninetyandnine.com
and be prepared for some straight answers! Pablo from Cuba is ninetyandnine.com’s April Fools Day hacker. He can be leased at very low rates (because he lives in Cuba). And I don’t care what he says, my life isn’t that boring!
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