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July 29, 2002 Dear Gabby...
I have a friend who has fallen in love, and the
relationship is moving toward marriage. My friend has not always been in church
and has a steamy past, though she’s now forgiven and living a pure life. My friend's boyfriend knows that she has not always served
the Lord, but has not asked specific details about her past, or even mentioned
the topic. Does she need to tell him any of the details? If so, does she need to
do it before they become engaged, just in case whatever she says might hinder
the relationship? Sincerely, Dear Ms. Florida,
Miss Della Holmes, one of my retirement home neighbors, is
the cutest little old lady you’ve ever seen. Well, besides me, that is. People
tell me I’m cute all the time. I just think it’s because they’ve never
seen a lady who’s almost 100 years old! Although they may be serious, now that
I think on it. After all, handsome old Jimmy Cooper told me just the other day
that I looked lovely in my purple hat. Of course, his eyesight’s going... Miss Della, as everyone calls her, is a tiny bundle of
energy with a fluff of curly white hair framing a smile-filled face. She wears
the most outlandish clothing, too. I’ve never seen someone do a better job of
combining different colored flowers, checks, stripes and paisleys─all in
the same outfit! And then, there’s her energy. Even in her eighties, she has
more energy than most of the young folks I see. I like her a lot. However, it’s difficult to get a word in edgewise, when
you sit with her for a spell to chat. People say that about me, too, but they’ve
never had a conversation with Miss Della. Just the other day after I’d
returned from my daily walk, I settled down for a glass of iced tea at the table
near her. It’s a good thing I was feeling a bit winded, because I wasn’t
required to do much talking at all. Miss Della was chatting with that cute, mini-skirted
security worker Amber, who looked as though she had other places she needed to
be. So I sat down there beside Miss Della in her orange and pink striped
ensemble and, immediately, in the middle of her story to Amber, she launched
into one with me. “Oh, Gabby,” she said, with her big smile, “I was
just telling Amber here about my latest great-great nephew. His name is Trevor
and, boy, is he cute…” I winked at Amber and made a motion toward her letting her
know I’d “take over” for a while. Amber looked relieved as she slipped
away. Then I tuned back to hear what Miss Della was saying. “…dilated to 8 and she’d already been in labor for
four long days, that was during that terrible heat spell, you’ll remember,
Gabby, in late June and, lands sakes, Gabby, was she bloated when she was
finally ready to have the baby, and you know, Gabby, usually she’s as cute and
tiny as a button, and her mother brought me the video of the birth so I could
experience it firsthand and my goodness, it was really boring because it was so
long and so quiet at least until it was time to push, then it got noisy, and my
arthritis was paining me at the time, along with my headache that I’d had for
almost a week, but I enjoyed watching her breathing, you know, Gabby, that
Lamaze thing is so amazing, they teach the girls nowadays to breathe every time
a pain comes instead of biting down on a piece of cow leather like my mother
told me she did, you remember, Gabby, my mother had 14 children but I never had
any children of my own, oh, you didn’t, either, did you, Gabby, except for
your darling adopted daughter, what was her name? Oh yes, Kristy, but you
didn’t give birth to her so you wouldn’t know about the pain thing, of
course I don’t know either, but what a cute baby your Kristy has, doesn’t
she, probably not as cute as my great-great nephew Trevor…” I watched her mouth moving and was mesmerized to see that
she never seemed to take a breath. Her brightly painted red mouth moved and
moved and moved and her eyes sparkled, but I never saw her breathe. I nodded and
added an “uh-hmm” or two when Miss Della talked, but mostly, after being
amazed by the day’s attire, I was able to explore my own thoughts. Miss Della would be so much more fun to talk with if she
didn’t give every single detail of every single subject, I thought. If she
just talked about the things I wanted to know─or even needed to know,
that’d be so much better. Your friend should keep that in mind when talking with her
gentleman friend about her past. He doesn’t want to know everything. He
doesn’t need to know everything. He only needs the information on things that
might affect the future. Could your friend have contracted a disease from drug
use or loose behavior with men that she’ll need to fight later in her life?
Did she have a baby in the past? Those are the types of things she’ll need to
tell him. But, details? I don’t think so. Leave those to Miss Della. Sincerely Sincere, © 2002, ninetyandnine.com --------- Gabrigail VanBurden has been offering advice for longer than most of you have been alive. Email your practical Apostolic life questions to Gabby@ninetyandnine.com and be prepared for some straight answers!
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