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March 17, 2003 Dear Gabby,I’ve been dealing with a break-up recently and it's difficult to understand what went wrong. I’ve never been with someone who made me so happy. I know I could see myself with him for the rest of my life. Everything had been going great until I stopped praying as much about our relationship, and that’s when things started to go wrong. We had a big argument, and now he doesn’t know whether or not to believe the things I said to him when I was angry. I realize that I get angry easily, but I regret ever making him feel this way. God has truly put him in my life and I don't want to lose him. He says that he still is in love with me and wants to be with me and wants to stay in a relationship with me, but not if it isn't meant to be. He says that he doesn’t know what to do any longer. It took losing him to realize he is the one for me. I have truly put my heart into this relationship and know that I want to change and put God first. Do you think it really is over? If it is, what do I do without the person I believe God gave me? Worried in Wyoming
Dear Miss Wyoming,My dear Harry and I were married for 52 ½ years, so I don’t talk much about Frederick VonDenkkerguski-the man I almost married. Frederick courted me for almost a year and everyone thought we were a good match. We also thought so. Everything about our lives was similar. Our families lived near each other and enjoyed many happy occasions together. Our fathers each owned a small business. Frederick and I went to the same church, and we both enjoyed singing in the choir and working with small children. He was two years older than I - which everyone agreed was the perfect age ratio for a good marriage. He wanted to settle in our own hometown, and I agreed that this was as good a place to live out a life as anywhere else. I began to seriously think about a wedding and a marriage and babies. I even began to hint to Frederick about our imagined future. Then, on a sunny spring afternoon, he broke off our courtship as we sat together on my front porch swing. At first I didn’t think I’d heard him correctly, but then he repeated that he didn’t think we were a match after all. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t act very ladylike that afternoon. I stormed around on the porch. I angrily kicked the front step (and hurt my toe in the process). I slammed into the house and refused to talk to my family for the rest of the evening. How embarrassed and humiliated it felt to be rejected. I hated the pitying looks people sent my direction. I was angry with Frederick for letting me down. I was angry at myself for dreaming about a future with him. I spent a lot of time writing in my journal and brooding during my chores. I decided not to have fun anymore in my life and didn’t laugh for 16 days (making all my friends and family miserable with me) until the church’s annual spring picnic. I’d shooed my friends away and was slouching under a tree feeling sorry for myself. I was watching the kids playing, the teenagers flirting and the adults visiting when a gorgeous male voice spoke into my ear, “You didn’t want to have to deal with being Gabby VonDenkkerguski the rest of your life, anyway.” And, when I looked up, there was a grinning and handsome young Harry, winking at me. Ah, my old heart still flutters when I remember… So, what happened to Frederick? Countless times through the years, I’ve thanked God that I married Harry instead of Frederick. I didn’t know then what was in his heart, but God did. Frederick was right when he said we weren’t a match. I did live all my life in the same community. He left our state and moved out west. The news I heard about his life was that he had battered several wives through the years and finally died as an alcoholic under a bridge. It was a very sad life compared to my half-century of contentment with Harry. So, what am I saying to you, Miss Wyoming? I’m saying that none of us knows the future. Who knows if God is saving us from a life of pain? Who knows if you’re a match or not with this young man? Only God knows. And I speak from experience when I suggest that you come to peace about this break-up. Don’t be so anxious about whether or not he was your life-long partner. God knew things about Frederick that I couldn’t see. And He knew how happy I’d be with Harry-once Frederick was out of the picture. And, He knew I really didn’t want to deal with the last name VonDenkkerguski for the rest of my life. God knows about you, too! Sincerely Sincere,
ninetyandnine.com © 2003, ninetyandnine.com --------- Gabrigail VanBurden has been offering advice for longer than most of you have been alive. Email your practical Apostolic life questions to Gabby@ninetyandnine.com and be prepared for some straight answers! |
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