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April 28, 2003 Dear Gabby,I just want to know if I should cut off a friendship with one of my guy friends. I did like him at one time, but we talked about it and decided to be friends instead. I am okay with that. Since then, I have tried to be his friend, but he treats me differently than his other (girl) friends. He says I haven't offended him, but he frustrates me because, when we talk, he can't even give me a simple yes or no answer. Should I continue using my energy trying to be friends with this guy or should I just let him go and invest all of my time and energy in my youth group and church and let him do the same? Friendly in Florida
Dear Friendly,My dear Harry once had a darling little puppy named Skippy. He’d long dreamed about a dog that would help him relax after a hard day at work. “I’ll head outside when I get home,” he told me, “and the dog and I will play a nice game of ‘fetch.’ If that won’t relax me before dinner, I don’t know what will.” When Stanley’s dog had weaned her puppies, Harry was first in line to choose one. Unfortunately, Skippy didn’t seem to understand the game of fetch. When Harry would throw the stick over Skippy’s head, Skippy would run after the stick, pick it up, and continue running away. He didn’t seem to realize that he was supposed to return the stick to Harry so Harry could throw it again. Skippy not only didn’t return the stick, he wouldn’t return to Harry at all. He wanted freedom more than he wanted the fun of playing fetch with his owner. I watched this game day after day from my kitchen window while I put the finishing touches on our supper. Every day, Skippy would chase the stick and keep running. Then Harry would run after Skippy. The faster Harry ran toward Skippy, the faster Skippy ran. Fortunately, Skippy was just a puppy and had short legs, so Harry (with his long legs) was always able to catch him and put him back in his fenced area. One afternoon, Harry and Skippy tried the game again. Harry took his tired self outside, removed Skippy from his fenced area, showed him the stick, and threw it over Skippy’s head. Once again, Skippy ran to get the stick and continued running away. Harry had had enough. I watched from the window, my potato mashing momentarily forgotten, as Harry’s shoulders slumped and he turned around to walk back toward the house. He was just too tired that afternoon to keep trying. What happened next was amazing. Skippy stopped running after a bit, looked back to see what was taking Harry so long, and, when he saw that Harry was not chasing him, he turned all the way around and immediately scampered back to where Harry was. From that day until the day two years later when Skippy died (and that’s a different story), he belonged to “his” Harry. (I didn’t mind sharing.) And before long, he finally did learn the game of fetch. Harry and Skippy’s story reminds me of your situation, Ms. Friendly. This young man obviously feels “chased” by you. The harder you chase him-even if it’s just to be friends-the harder he’ll run away from you. It’s just human (and sometimes puppy) nature. I’d like to suggest that you walk away from him. Who knows? After a while, he may look back (like Skippy did) just to see where you are. Then if he comes scampering back to you, he’ll be your friend forever. Sincerely Sincere, Gabby
ninetyandnine.com © 2003, ninetyandnine.com --------- Gabrigail VanBurden has been offering advice for longer than most of you have been alive. Email your practical Apostolic life questions to Gabby@ninetyandnine.com and be prepared for some straight answers! |
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