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June 23, 2003 Dear Gabby, My wife and I have two small children. I work in a very stressful business and when I return home from work, after driving 35 minutes through rush hour traffic, I’m exhausted. All I want to do is zone out. Unfortunately, my wife is also exhausted from chasing after the boys all day, and all three of them want my attention. At that point in the day, I don’t feel like I have anything left to give, so I tend to be grouchy with them. Needless to say, my grumpiness doesn’t help us to have a relaxing evening at home. We’re also very active in our church (working with the youth, the music department, and the ushering). On top of all that, my wife’s dad is ill and her mom needs our help, too. It never seems like there’s time to relax and unwind. I know I’m not giving my children (or my wife) my best, but I don’t know where I should change. Can you give me some advice? Stretched Thin in Tennessee
Dear Tennessee, I went to get a look at Stanley’s great-granddaughter CC’s newborn baby recently. Tyra Claire is the tiniest thing you’ve ever seen with big green eyes and the cutest little button nose. CC and her husband Tyler are also parents to three year-old Tyler, Jr. CC and I were chatting there at her kitchen table while she held the baby and little TJ played nearby. He was tossing a big, bouncy ball up in the air and then, since he was too little to catch it, he’d run to pick it up after it’d stop bouncing. “TJ,” his mom said. “Stop throwing that. You might hit the baby.” TJ pretended he didn’t hear her. Up in the air went his ball again. “TJ!” His mom said again—this time a bit louder. Then, he threw it harder and higher than before and it sailed over his mom’s head onto the table, overturning the large glass vase of flowers CC had brought home from the hospital. Glass, flowers, and blue-tinted water went every direction. Tyler rushed over to see what havoc he’d wreaked. His mom, with one arm full of baby, grabbed Tyler with her other arm, just as he reached toward a large piece of broken glass. CC looked at me. “Aunt Gabby…” she began. I stood up. This time, I didn’t wait for my arthritic knees to stop creaking. “I’ll clean it up. You just keep the kids from getting hurt.” After a grateful look, she directed me to the container near the sink where there was a big, dried-up old sponge that she didn’t mind ruining. It was so dried up and hard that I wasn’t sure it’d be much use, but I ran it under the water in the sink anyway. Immediately, the sponge became soft and pliable enough for me to use to sop up the blue mess. I even found another vase in her cupboard and was able to save the flowers. This time, though, it contained just plain clear water. Mr. Tennessee, when I read your letter, I pictured CC’s dried up old sponge. When you squeeze every single bit of moisture out of a sponge, it becomes dry and brittle and not much use to anyone. Like that sponge, it sounds like you and your wife are both giving every bit of yourselves to the different areas of your life, but it doesn’t sound like you’re receiving enough. Receiving is like adding moisture to the sponge. Once it’s moist and pliable, then it’s in a position for God to use it. We Christians have a tendency to give of ourselves to the detriment of our health and family and, sometimes, even our walk with God. Here’s what I’d like to suggest to you: ■ Make some time for your marriage—You and your wife should schedule weekly dates and, as often as you can afford it, a weekend away. You may not even go out of town, but if you can go stay in a hotel away from your responsibilities, it’ll rejuvenate the two of you. And, when you return home, you’ll be happy to see your darling little ones. ■ At church, it’s important to give your best. However, you don’t have to give to every ministry!—I’d like to suggest that you think carefully about which ministry is the best for you and then, do just that one, really well, while resigning from the others. That way, when you attend church, you won’t consider it all work. You’ll be able to work some and receive some. And don’t forget that the Good Book says that God’s spirit is the rest that helps the weary to rest. Basking in the Living Water is sure to renew the dried-up places in your soul. ■ Please remember that your little children are small for such a very short time—Have you noticed how they live in the moment and find wonder in all kinds of mundane, everyday things? If you could change your thought process to consider that the time spent with them is also rejuvenating time, it would make a big difference. Lying on the floor and letting them crawl on you, going for a walk with them, and getting down to look at what catches their fancy, or even tossing a ball back and forth can be a way for you to be renewed. Just don’t toss the ball near the vase of flowers you just bought your wife. Sincerely Sincere, Gabby
ninetyandnine.com © 2003, ninetyandnine.com --------- Gabrigail VanBurden has been offering advice for longer than most of you have been alive. Email your practical Apostolic life questions to Gabby@ninetyandnine.com and be prepared for some straight answers! |
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