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Submission Is Not A Synonym
For Subjugation It was one of those defining moments in my life, when you know what’s right and you can actually verbalize it correctly, but when you are confronted with the opportunity you’re speechless. I was sitting with a friend who is known for being outspoken, opinionated, and sometimes obnoxious, but nonetheless she is my friend and I like her. Then we broached the subject of submission. I told her that there was a beauty in submission. When she looked at me with a “You’ve got to be kidding” look I knew I was in trouble. I said this because at the time I knew that there is a beauty in submission and I knew that it was the right thing to say, but when she confronted me as to how, I didn’t know how to explain it, at the time I’m not sure I really understood it! To be honest I’m sure I still don’t understand it in its entirety, but I am much more willing to learn. You must understand, although great progress was made in the last century for the rights of women, I have still grown up in a man’s world. I am not complaining, just stating the facts. Teri Owens and I were the first girls admitted onto the Boy’s Little League team in our little town. Why would we even want to play on an all boys team? Because there were no girl’s teams! So yes, I was a tomboy. I loved playing sports. I grew up playing baseball, then softball, volleyball, and basketball. I grew up with three brothers. I grew up when the only way a young girl could earn money before getting her driver’s license was babysitting and if you didn’t know any kids you were out of luck. I grew up with dreams of becoming a doctor and flying airplanes. Yet through all of this I still played with dolls, became a cheerleader, and desired to become a wife and mommy. I was a paradox—just like submission. On one hand you completely submit yourself to something, someone, or a higher power while being bold and brave to those around you who question your commitment—to the normal person it just doesn’t make sense. And it didn’t to me for the longest time. You see when you grow up in a household of boys you are always competing for something. It might be for recognition, affection, or food, but regardless you learn to compete. In this society, you also learn that a girl is either a lesser or equal being to man. I realized we are just as important, just as smart, and just as capable as any man without despising the male species. I loved being a woman and I loved proving that I could be just as capable as any man. I even proved it in my senior year of high school when, in our advanced mathematics class, one of the boys challenged me to an arm wrestling match—I took the challenge and beat him. (I still hear about this at our reunions.) But all the while I loved being a girl. Then I met Jesus when I was eighteen. I submitted my life to Him and I changed completely. My high school friends could not believe all the changes I made, but I did and embraced Christianity fully, yet I didn’t know the complete meaning of submission. You see, for girls/women it is a difficult task. You submit to God and His word, then, when you get married you are commissioned to submit again, but to a man. And to be honest, sometimes that man doesn’t deserve submission. Yet the Bible clearly speaks of submission to the husband. As Paul wrote, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”(Ephesians 5:22). For me, it hasn’t always been easy. I still struggle with it from time to time, but I finally understand the beauty of it now. Submission isn’t resignation, it isn’t opinionless subservience, but it is a relinquishing of the personal will for a complete trust in God’s plan (that the husband be the head of the home). It is trusting your joint marriage decisions, with the tiebreaker going to the husband¾even when you feel he is wrong; because if he is wrong, then in God’s plan, he will answer to God. (Hey girls, it takes us off the hook! Better to answer to a man than God’s justice.) And once you get this, you realize how wonderful it is for the man to be the head. For years I would allow wedges into my marriage because of areas that I refused in my heart to submit. I wouldn’t be openly defiant (well sometimes I kind of was), but there wasn’t that relinquishing. You see my husband has always seen me as his partner, my vote always equal with his, but in some areas, I rebelled. (Yes, if you aren’t submitting then you are rebelling.) One day in prayer I was praying for an area in our lives that I knew my husband was unhappy about when I was impressed with the fact that, because of my lack of submission, I was hindering our prayers and progress. This astounded me and, amazingly, I changed almost overnight. When my husband suggested something, something I usually questioned him on without even thinking about it, I often relinquished my faith and trust in his judgment. I began doing this in small ways. I was surprised at the results¾he began to see me even more as a partner! This result fulfilled scripture. As Peter wrote, “But let it be… the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” (I Peter 3:4-5, 7). Encouraged, I learned to submit even more and my prayer life and spiritual walk deepened. Then, more surprising than anything, God began to bless us financially. After months of secretly realizing it, I finally admitted to my husband that whenever I actually became submissive (not necessarily to him, but to God’s order) more of life’s blessings fell into place, which equaled more peace, more respect, more cohesiveness—everything positive. You see, God places order in the world, and that order is His plan. The Old Testament has page after page explaining how a priest is to cleanse himself and prepare himself to come into the presence of the Lord. If God didn’t care about order, He would have omitted all of that from the Scripture—but He didn’t. Since that time I have noticed the troubled situations of other people that would right themselves if only they learned the beauty of submission. Submission isn’t only about wives and husbands, but it includes children submitting to parents and employees submitting to supervisors is also God’s plan. Saints being submissive to pastors, and pastors being submissive to a board or a higher official is also God’s plan. That is why it is beautiful, because harmony and peace are beautiful and when we follow God’s plan, harmony and peace follow. I knew of a pastor once who had fallen into sin. His church board confronted him, but he would not submit. The church was divided, chaos ensued and, eventually, many people lost out with God. How much different would that ugly situation have been if only the pastor had submitted himself to the order? Would I still be happily married if I had not learned the beauty of submission? Probably, but because I learned it, we have a happier marriage. Submission is God’s plan, it isn’t a plan to squelch a woman’s rights, it’s a plan to enhance them. Even though I grew up in a man’s world, I have finally learned my rightful place in God (my place in the marriage hasn’t changed). This place doesn’t always line up exactly with our society’s views, but I do not wish to line myself up with society, my measurement system is God’s word. That’s where happiness lies.
ninetyandnine.com ©2003, Nita K. Curry --------- ninetyandnine.com’s Letter Page Editor Nita K. Curry is still a happy mommy in Bridgeton, Missouri. She still claims the arm-wrestling championship of Odin High School at class reunions, where male classmates grovel in her honor. |
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