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I Press Toward the Mark "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14) Moving into a new dimension in Christ often involves risk. This risk-taking leaves you quite open to failure. None of us likes to mess up, but, if allowed, failures can become stepping-stones, propelling us into our destiny. After all, failure is almost always painful, but seldom fatal. Spiritual growth often develops from failure. So we must answer the question, "Is this worth the risk?" I recall such a time when I was completely unprepared for the challenge facing me. I was hired for a position for which I was completely unqualified. Everything was new to me. The anxiety and stress left me feeling overwhelmed. I walked into an emergency room full of equipment and procedures that were completely foreign to me. Now, which instruments were required for which procedure? It was my new job to set up, assist during, and clean and dress each wound repair—this could be anything from a fishhook in a finger to a finger tip amputation from a trunk shutting on it. Not to mention, the computer system the hospital used to order tests and retrieve results was anything but friendly. Then, there came the famous splints. If you’ve ever visited the E.R. with a sprained ankle or wrist, then you remember this wonder of fiberglass. The type of sprain determined the setting of the splint. Factor in to this equation six to eight doctors and their opinions of how best to do this…you get the picture. To function proficiently in an ER environment, there is much to be mastered. Although I could share with you many instances where I learned through error, I will share one experience that left me questioning if I truly wanted to advance in this job. I had only been working for a few weeks. A man with a gunshot wound to the chest arrived. All of the “trained” folks were handling their positions. The E.R. doctor looked at me and yelled, “Where is the chest tube set?” With the mass of information I was trying to process, I couldn’t remember what the “chest tube set” was. The look on my face must have registered “idiot.” He then yelled, “Could you just get me some Kelly clamps?” God helped me and I picked up what I thought was a regular suture set and handed it to him. It was the chest tube set. A look of relief flooded his face. This exchange lasted less than 30 seconds, but felt like an eternity. I felt the weight of this patient’s life in my failure. I simply wanted to crawl away. The patient was fine after surgery. I was left to decide if I was willing to endure these painful lessons of learning in order to gain the necessary knowledge required for my position. I would regularly come home in tears during those first few trying months. Thoughts of just giving up hit me frequently. The temptation to just simply return to my previous life often courted me. Still, I pressed on. Slowly I began to realize that I had gained the respect of many of my fellow co-workers. Although I had hired on “green,” I had given it my all. I pushed to learn as much as possible as quickly as possible. Oh yes, I made my share of mistakes. With each mistake I determined to learn from that failure. A surge of confidence began to develop within me. I found myself thoroughly enjoying the very position I had at one time despised. There had been placed before me a great challenge. Although it was difficult in the beginning, I had persevered. The Lord had been my help, and He had faithfully brought me through. Consequently, tears and emotional good-byes were the result of my leaving this job after over three years of employment. The once stressful unknown had become my comfort-zone. I left because my husband and I both felt the time had come to pursue our calling to foreign missions. I had been back in school for two semesters, carrying a 4.0 GPA. Not only was I working in a job that provided new learning experiences each day, I was also adding to my medical knowledge through my schooling. Microbiology helped me understand disease processes. Anatomy clued me in as to how the body functions together as one. Does this sound too good to be true? It was. There was a small, quiet voice deep within me that kept reminding me that I was fulfilling my will and not His will for my life. Consequently, there was little inner peace. Only what I tried to convince myself of. I resigned from school and work. Not only was I losing a means of income, I was also giving up an identity that I truly enjoyed. We applied to the UPC’s Foreign Missions Board (FMB) in December, 2002 interviewed in February, 2003, and received our Associates In Missions (AIM) appointment in May, 2003. (Hopefully, we’ll be leaving for Madagascar sometime around September.) God has moved great obstacles for us. But first, I had to be willing to lay aside my own personal aspirations for my life. I had to step in the unfamiliar and accept whatever came my way. Most of my friends at work and school could not understand why I had to leave. Many times I wondered what I would tell them if the FMB turned down our application. Most of them were not “church” people and would never have understood a calling or burden. It was a painful, scary risk. Still, one I must take. I knew my school wanted me. I knew my work wanted me. What I didn’t know was if the FMB wanted me. My only assurance was in knowing that Jesus wanted me. And with that I turned loose and stepped out onto nothing. This experience illustrates some important spiritual points. ■ Any spiritual challenge will bring about stress and frustration. When we risk for God, we will always end up in an uncomfortable and unfamiliar situation. If we had already perfected the needed knowledge and skills, there would be no need for the test. Thus, we need painful experiences in our walk with God. ■ Uncertainty and confusion make great buddies. We want to know exactly where to go and what to do. Unfortunately when attempting to conquer a new challenge, it usually doesn't happen this way. It has been my experience that for every deeper level of God you move into, the less you can actually see or understand. Although burden and desire grow greater and greater with each step we take, understanding of where we are "growing to" will become less and less until we reach the summit. The journey does take on some familiarity as we start learning where to place our feet. There are often slippery places that cannot be seen until we actually step on them. Losing our footing may shake us for a brief moment, but it is in these moments that we learn the most. The next time we near loose soil and rocks, we can recognize them for what they are. Just like my ER experience, I never forgot what a chest tube set was or where it was kept again. There is no better teacher than an honest mistake. With our newly acquired knowledge we can straighten our shoulders, pick up our heads and press on. All the time we are developing and sharpening needed skills. As we progress, we find that the frightening has become the familiar. And so the process goes for each new level in God. When praying to go to a new level in God, we are actually asking to enter an uncomfortable zone. He knows we will fail sometimes. Such is growth! Once we master this level, our souls will once again yearn to go deeper—and the process begins again. I am most thankful for every step I've made in God. I am learning that all spiritual progress must begin in the unfamiliar while I am uncomfortable and when everything seems uncertain. I would not trade one day of this powerful journey to the top of the mountain for even one day of security at the bottom. I know that when I have achieved this level, I will look back and cherish the faith building memories of God's guidance and provision all along the way. I press toward the mark, which is the high calling!
ninetyandnine.com © 2003, Danan Benson --------- Danan Benson sits in south Louisiana, keenly aware that very soon her life will once again be changed forever. She is sure that there will be many more times of spiritual growth that requires getting out of her comfort zone when she gets to Madagascar as an AIM'er. She can hardly wait! |
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