October 20, 2003 - True Love Beyond Romance

weekly fodder for the flock...

Join our e-mail list!

Just type your e-mail address below and press submit.

True Love Beyond Romance
By Hiro Nishi
October 20, 2003

Jack and Misty met at a youth rally. In just a few days, they fell in love. A few months later, they were engaged and married. In just a couple years, however, their marriage was over. Familiar story?

Regrettably, divorce has even become common among our Apostolic movement. I have several Apostolic friends still in their 20s who have been divorced already. One of the most common mistakes couples make is not knowing what it is to be truly in love. This mistake has caused millions of marital unions to end in destruction. To avoid this widespread error, it is necessary to fully understand the difference between "true love" and "romance" before they step up to the altar.

So, What is True Love?
The Bible describes true love in marriage, comparing it to the way Christ loves the church. As Paul wrote, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" (Ephesians 5:25).

So, how did Christ love the church? More importantly, how does Christ expect the church to love him? What should love between Christ and the church be like? Through studying the Word of God, it is clear that love between Christ and the church should have the following characteristics:

■ Four dimensions of love (Intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and physical)
■ Add value to each other and create synergy
■ Total commitment and dedication
■ Unconditional love

These are the elements in Christ's love toward the church and His expectation of our love toward Him.

Four Dimensions of Love
Love between Christ and His church has four dimensions. Christ tells us that the first commandment is to love Him in four dimensions--"And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength" (Mark 12:30).

■ The First Dimension--True love must contain emotional love and care for each other. When two people are emotionally in love, they are enthusiastic about their relationship. Also, they should be zealous about building a successful relationship, as well as passion toward each other. Moreover, their relationship should affect the other in a positive manner.

■ The Second Dimension--When a couple truly loves each other, they should love each other spiritually. Their relationship must be holy and sanctified as the Bible, their pastors, and their parents instruct them. Also, they should unite their souls together as Paul urged the Philippians, "…having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose" (Philippians 2:2, NIV). Unity in spiritual love means sharing the same value system, morals, ethics, life goals, and personal philosophy. Each partner's view must be equally respected, and together the companions should discover a common ground. It is necessary for two souls to work in harmony.

■ The Third Dimension--When a couple truly loves each other, they will love each other intellectually. In other words, their love and feelings for one another should be logically explainable. Furthermore, they should be able to list suitable examples and explain how these examples explain their love.

■ The Fourth Dimension--True love should also have a physical aspect. This is beyond physical appearance, but also includes personality, lifestyle, hobbies, career, social status, and other qualities that they expect in partners. Companions must love the way the other lives their life, and be respectful. In addition to being attracted to their physical appearance, the two should be attracted by other physically observable qualities.

Create Synergy
When our Creator produced the marriage covenant for Adam and Eve, His intention was for them to help each other be more productive and useful. This is the central reason for companionship. As Genesis records, "…male and female created he them…and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply…" (Genesis 1:27-28).

Thus, a couple with true love should support each other to add value to the other's career, spiritual walk, and social status. Furthermore, true companionship must create synergy, which means, "1 + 1 = 3."

In other words, synergy is when two individuals together create more than what they could create individually. As the companionship of church and Christ creates great revival, the companionship of man and woman should create productive results for their spiritual and secular life.

Total Commitment and dedication
True love should be formulated with total commitment and dedication to each other as Christ has shown the church through His crucifixion, which the book of John defines as the greatest act of love--"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). When Christ died on the cross as the sacrifice for our sins, He made a total commitment to save our lives.

In the same sense, true love requires total commitment and dedication to each other as the foundation of a relationship. Both individuals must be willing to sacrifice for the partner.

Unconditional Love
With a heart full of commitment and dedication, Christ loves His church unconditionally. Likewise, a loving couple should love each other unconditionally. This means no outsider can alter the feelings of two lovers toward each other. In other words, the feelings of care, love, and affection should be so strong that no person or thing can come between them.

In Romans, Paul challenged the church to love Christ unconditionally: "For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God..." (Romans 8:38-39). True love should not be dependent upon things such as appearance, money, status, or possessions; instead, it should be unconditional, just as Christ loves us.

Conclusion
These four elements are the essential ingredients of true love. In God's love, and in His expectation of our love to Him, we can clearly see these four elements demonstrated. Thus, before making the vow, couples must thoroughly analyze their relationship in relation to these elements of true love. With a clear understanding and knowledge of true biblical love, couples should guide themselves to discover if their feelings are "true love" or it is just another "romance."

ninetyandnine.com

---------

After earning an MBA, Hiro Nishi's life was altered by God, and he entered into a full-time ministry. He currently serves as an associate minister at New Life Tabernacle and a regional coordinator for College and Career ministry. Although he has spent many hours figuring out what true love is, he has not yet found his own true love.