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October 27, 2003 Thanks to everyone who is alerting us to Apostolics making a difference through interesting or unusual means. Whether it’s a missions trip, a girl running cross country in a skirt (and winning!), or just musical excellence, we want to cover it. We received some long, yet, thought-provoking letters this week, many following up on Gabby’s column about schooling your children…so read on!
I thank you for the poignant article about dating as an Apostolic. I am 27 years old and have been saved for about seven years now. Between reading books on dating and walking with God for nearly seven years, I have come up with a few observations. 1. Giving all glory to God, I am still a virgin and very much grateful for this. It has been much easier living for God and being respectful towards the opposite sex. 2. Dating is not all it is cracked up to be. As a minister (“in training”) I do not date. If I ever do meet someone I am really interested in and can see myself actually getting married to, I will form a friendship first and then see if we can even be friends, much less life and ministry partners. Besides, between the time I get married and now, I don’t want to have dated half the females in my section. 3. Kissing can lessen the respect level of the relationship, and it causes many guys to think they don’t have to work as hard at the relationship. Besides, the revolving door that has become dating would leave most having kissed half the girls in their section. Kind a hard to minister to those people. And as someone who was in the world and came out fairly unscathed, kissing can and often does progress to a relationship more physical in nature. If I can answer several questions “Yes” about a girl, them I will consider dating them. This is my criterion: A. Can I enjoy her company as a friend and talk other subject matter besides church and do we have any common hobbies? Church is important, but I will spend most of my life at home or at work (unless I am in full-time ministry). I can discuss church and the goodness of God with most anyone in the Apostolic church. B. Can I trust her as a friend? Can I talk to her for advice/share spiritual dreams and goals with her? C. Is she going the same direction spiritually? Not just on fire for God, but is her ministry compatible with mine? I did date one girl in my seven years with the Lord. I should not have dated her, and one reason was we were going different directions, even though we were good friends. D. Can I stand to be around them every day? Anyone married understands this question. E. Is there an attraction and is it mutual? I know this was long, but I just wanted to share what I have learned. I will probably not be married for some time (feeling I have, not in dread however), so I am looking from more of a clear vantage point in my opinion. By the grace of God the next woman I kiss will be at the altar on my wedding day, when it will be in the plan and will of God. God bless you all and all praises to our Lord and blessed Savior for this ministry. Jerry Butler, Arkansas
Wow! Powerful! Many people do not like to pick up and leave their “comfort zone.” I too left my home state to join an Internet ministry in June, 2000. I have not made this state my home, but I have enjoyed working with the church and the “Internet Chat Room Ministry.” I can relate to this brother. I haven’t read the other testimonies, but this title caught my eye. Sharon Freese, Connecticut
I am curious about one thing: why is dating such a big deal? I was always taught that the best way to get to know someone is to be friends with them. Think about it. When you’re on a date are you really being yourself? Or do you tend to put your best foot forward and leave the rest at home? I also think what tends to happen on dates is against what the Bible says concerning men and women—it is good for a man not to touch a woman. You can’t add or take away from the Scripture and it’s not up for personal interpretation. Instead of everyone talking about kissing on the first date and wanting it to be okay because you’ve done it before, we need to be encouraging each other to stand by godly principles, not just the ones that are outlined in the Articles of Faith. I don’t want this to sound condemning because I myself have been there. And looking back on past mistakes and knowing what it all leads to (because it will, whether you have the Holy Ghost or not, whether you think you have enough self-control or not), it’s not worth it. When I get married, I want it to be our first kiss. Ashley Seth, Delaware
I missed reading the (Gabby) article when it first came out, but the response of the person in the October 20th, 90&9 with the title linked drew me in. I am not quite sure what he is saying, but I use a parallel to The Gabby Tree and The Stanley trees. In Florida, where I grew up, we have the Live Oak tree. You can take two acorns off the same twig of the same branch and plant one on a high, dry sandy hillside where the soil is almost pure white quartz sand and the other in a swampy area with plenty of moisture and lots of rich black “muck.” The acorn on the hillside may barely sprout the first year and at two or three years old may be only an inch or two tall with two or three leaves. Meanwhile, the one in the swamp has sprouted and grown rapidly. In three years, it may be several feet tall with branches and many leaves. Because of other trees around it and its need for sunlight, it grows ever taller and quite straight. The one in the dry place struggles for several years and looks almost like a carrot with a very long taproot and a tiny top. Then the taproot finds a water source and the tree begins its real growth. Twenty or thirty years later, the tree on the hillside has grown to a magnificent tall tree with wide-spreading branches and a very deep taproot. The swamp sister tree has almost no taproot and only a very shallow though wide-spreading root system. Then a hurricane comes. Before long, although partly shielded by other trees, the tall, towering tree in the swamp has taken a gust of wind too strong for its shallow surface roots to anchor against and the giant falls to rot on the swamp floor. But the strongest winds buffet the tree on the hillside, where its wide-spreading branches are exposed to the wind with little or no protection and for all its huffing and puffing, the hurricane only succeeds in blowing some of the beards of gray (Spanish) moss and a few small twigs from its branches and after the storm, the tree stands erect and beautiful. As to education for the Christian child, the criteria should be the quality of the teaching of the primary subject matter. I have seen Apostolic Pentecostal students who felt that they could not live for the Lord at their public high school and were pulled out and home-schooled. I have also seen another student the same age group, same high school, who brought close to a dozen schoolmates to church. If we obey Proverbs 22:6 from birth, then when the storms hit, the tree will be able to stand. But beware. Children will pick up on your inconsistencies—”obey the law,” we say, but drive far over the speed limit or disregard other laws that don’t suit us. “Trust the Lord for your healing and health,” but your medicine cabinet could stock a Baptist mission pharmacy! They will also see how loving Mom and Dad are. This will translate into how they court and how their own marriage is likely to operate when they are grown. So home school or private Christian or non-Christian school or public school depends on how much the parents set the godly example at home. If the parents are living thoughtful, prayerful consistently Spirit-filled lives, let your kids build muscles of faith and trust in the Lord and witnessing skills by exercising them in the public or non-Christian private school. If, as a parent, you know you are not living quite up to the mark, maybe the Christian school is best. Home-schooling will almost assuredly produce academic superiority, but the ability to relate to others in a real-world situation may be deficient depending upon the parents’ actions to provide interaction with outside peers and adults, some with opposite or opposing views. Samuel M. Smith, Hawaii
I have to say I was disappointed in Gabby’s advice this time. Some say there’s only one right answer to the home school/Christian school/public school dilemma others feel that there’s no right answer. The fact is that they are all right answers if you ask God the question. Circumstances, children, and parents are unique. God knows the best choice for you. The only time I feel someone has made the wrong choice is when, instead of seeking God for what is right for their family, they just stick their kids in the most convenient program. Some of you are saying, ‘Ahhh I bet she’s a home schooler and is referring to public school as the convenient program.’ Well, you’re half right, I home school. But, hold on to your hats. Once a week we go to a home school program run by our public school district. My kids interact with those ‘heathen’ public school teachers and children with all kinds of religions and family values. We go together, my kids witness to the kids and teachers, and I witness to the moms. I went to Christian School most of my life and without it I would have lost out completely during my teen years. However, Christian school wasn’t what my kids needed. They aren’t me. They don’t have the same needs. My sister-in-law’s kids are in public school and she’s president of the PTA. It’s working out great! Of course, we knew it would because they prayed about it and talked to their pastor. Here’s the deal. The Bible is clear. Parents are responsible for their children’s spiritual and physical lives. Education is a huge part of that. So when the time comes, you need to seek God’s will. Only He knows what your child is going to need. When you are confident that God has given you direction you won’t need to worry about your choice. You won’t feel a need to criticize other people’s choices either. (Remember) Deuteronomy 6:6-9. Corie Denning, Washington
Why are you reviewing an album that was current two albums ago? POD has a brand new album out called “Payable On Death,” 2003. Thanks for reviewing bands like this. You are relevant. Travis Carter, New York
(Editor’s Note: For those of you who are unfamiliar with our Once & Again section, it is a selection of interesting articles from our archives, often in tandem with current news.) I would first just like to say how insightful, helpful, and just plain awesome Gabby’s advice column is to me. I pass it along to my friends every once in a while so they can enjoy them also. Secondly, I want to say how much in agreement I was with Gabby on the issue of public/Christian schools. I attended a non-religious private school in my town, which was basically public school for rich kids. My parents both worked in order to send me there because they thought I would receive the best education there. How thankful I am that I did attend and graduated from that school. Not only did I receive a great education, but also I was able to see the world for what it really is. I’ve seen so many Christian school graduates get to college only to go “buck-wild” after receiving “independence” from their strict school and family life. I’m a firm believer in the gospel of Jesus Christ and I believe the way I was educated only helped to strengthen that. A big thanks to Gabby for stating her opinion even if it goes against the Apostolic norm! Kimberly Rigney, Mississippi
In regards to Mr. Neumann of Arkansas and his rather sarcastic letter towards Gabby, I feel compelled to say that Mr. Neumann’s argument might be flawed and in truth, somewhat unkind. There are some distinct advantages to allowing your children to go to public school, at least in Canada. I can’t answer for the Americans, but I can say, as a Canadian Christian and a teacher, I was really disappointed with this man’s letter. Most Christian schools cannot afford the same facilities that public schools can offer. Sure, they may have smaller class sizes, and what Ontario teacher would ever argue against that? But I must point out, that there will not be the same level of subject specialization in a Christian school that most public schools can offer. There will not be the same level of technology available in the biology or chemistry rooms. Do you know how much an autoclaver can cost? Or certain microscopes or Bunsen burners? Furthermore, while Mr.Neuman pointed out some issues he has with diversity, I must say that the churches I attend tend to have ethnic and racial diversity. It never hurts to have our Christian children in the public schools, as a witness unto other children as to the gospel of Christ and also to the love He had for those who were different. Yes, I know you worry that your children will get into trouble or adopt secular ways of thinking. But guess what? It’s better that they are exposed to it while they are young, willing to accept your authority and under your protection as children and young adults. It’s far more dangerous to send off a young, very sheltered person when they’re actually of legal age to defy you. Trust me, it’s far harder to discipline someone hours away from you, and completely independent of you. I have found in my life that the most vitriolic, nasty, scary, and judgmental Christians were those educated at home or in a Christian school. They demonstrated none of the grace, love, compassion, or kindness of Christ, and, in fact, acted far more like a Pharisee in their methods of “witnessing.” If you are concerned about the kind of teaching your child is receiving in the public schools, I urge you to get involved. Sit in on a class—no teacher will say no to parental help. Get involved with a parent council or volunteer in the special education center. (Oh yes, it’s great fun to have a child with learning disabilities and you have nobody present who is trained to deal with these things). Actually act like a Christian parent in your school, and demonstrate to your children that they can in fact, live as a Christian in their schools and win others to Christ. It’s pretty futile to try to win other kids in the Apostolic school, but far more useful to try to save those who are truly lost—those in the public school system. And get over this conspiracy thingy that you think all public school teachers, both elementary and high school, are out to seduce, pervert, or destroy your child. They are far too busy marking, running extra-curricular clubs, or living their own lives. It’s an absolute insult to those who dedicate their lives to better the lives of innocent children. Marcy McCrae, Kitchener, Ontario, Canada
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