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September 27, 2004 I am a single male who is confused about two different girls. I’ve had feelings for one particular girl for almost a year. However, she doesn’t return my feelings. I have prayed and prayed about it and my feelings won’t go away. Sometimes I believe she might be the “one” and other times I think it might just be my will getting in the way, or maybe it is something deeper. I think the girl is everything that I would want in a wife. She is faithful to church, she seems to love God, and she is attractive. Recently, I met another girl who feels like I am “the one” for her. This second girl wants to move our relationship too fast, while I’m not sure I even want anything more than a friendship with her. While this second girl attends church, I’m not sure she is really in church, if you know what I mean. She is not attractive to me at all. I am not a very outgoing person. I am shy when it comes to meeting new people. The first girl became friendly to me first, and then I developed feelings for her. We are good friends. I don’t want to lose the friendship with her, and I would like a greater friendship with the second girl. I’m amazed that either one of them have anything to do with me at all. Should I forget about the first girl and take the second? I’m just so confused about dating and what God’s will is. I pray that I haven’t created a stereotype for the type of girl that I want, but I’m afraid I have. Does God honor “shallow” people when it comes to this kind of stuff? Confused in Connecticut
Dear Mr. Confused, The first Saturday afternoon after my dear Harry bought “Buttercup Baby” (our yellow 1953 Mercury Montclair convertible), he excitedly asked me if I wanted to go for a ride in her. I’d been in the middle of scrubbing the kitchen floor and when I looked at my excited husband and then at the bucket of soapy water, there was no question what my choice would be! So, I dumped the soapy water out the back door into my petunias and dried my hands on my apron as I took it off. Then, when I’d retrieved my purple scarf, tied it over my hair and collected my pocketbook, I was ready to go. It was a gorgeous day, and Harry and I were full of smiles, driving the country roads with the wind whipping around us. I commented on the pretty flowers and Harry pointed at an eagle soaring in the sky. We saw graceful horses galloping across a meadow and cows grazing in the shade, a lot of red barns and some kids playing near a creek. We drove for hours, enjoying every minute and not paying any attention to the clock or the roads or anything but the fun of our new car, the beauty of the day and our enjoyment of each other. Later, we stopped the car and sat on its hood to watch a lovely sunset together. (We may even have shared a kiss or two…) All was right with our world until it was time to head home. Neither of us had any idea where we were! We’d lived in the area for many years, but in those days, people typically didn’t travel very far from their hometown. We could remember certain landmarks, but didn’t remember where we’d seen them. Besides, it was now dark. Which way should we go? Harry’s idea was to drive until we figured out where we were. I thought we should go up to the nearest farmhouse, knock on the door, and ask directions. We ended up doing both, as I recall. We drove around for a while, and then, afterwards, when we couldn’t find our way, we did ask directions. A couple days later, when Harry was at work, I headed to the General Store and bought a county map. That evening when I presented Harry his dinner of roast beef, potatoes and carrots, I also offered him the map, tied up with a pretty blue ribbon. The very next Saturday, while I was doing the usual cleaning around the house, I came upon my dear Harry, with the map opened wide on the davenport. He had his pen and paper out and was busy making notations. “So, what are you looking up?” I asked him with a smile; happy to see him using the gift I’d bought him. “I’m mapping out our drive today,” he told me. “We’re going on another drive?” (I was thinking of the sunset and the kisses.) “Yes, darling, we are. And this time,” he said with a smile, “we’re going to know exactly where we are, where we’re headed, and how to get home again.” For many years of Saturday afternoons afterward, Harry and I took a lovely drive, enjoying the scenery and each other. And, we always had the map along, in case we lost our way. Mr. Confused, I think the reason you’re feeling so bewildered about these girls, and how to choose a woman to be your wife, is that you don’t have a map, or a plan to follow. I’d suggest that you take a step back from both of them until you’ve figured it out. I’m not advising you to try to do that alone. The “map” you can use could be discussion with your pastor or another wise older man. Your Bible bookstore would also be a good place to discover some sources to help you map out your plan. And I recommend that, after your research, you actually write down your plan so that, in the future, when you come upon a potential sweetheart (or even one of the young women you already know), you’ll be able to stop wandering the back roads of life, because you’ll have a map and actually know where you’re going! Sincerely Sincere, Gabby
ninetyandnine.com © 2004, ninetyandnine.com ---------- Gabrigail VanBurden has been offering advice for longer than most of you have been alive. Email your practical Apostolic life questions to Gabby@ninetyandnine.com and be prepared for some straight answers! |
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