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Print Like many new converts in Apostolic churches the past decade, I did not “cut my teeth” on the church pew. I come from a family of drug-abusing parents, and I have relatives with shady pasts. My birth in itself was a little bit shady, learning as I got older that my parents’ marriage was out of necessity because I was coming into their not-so-ready-for-a-baby lives. Obviously, the marriage turned into another statistic. By the time I was 16, Mom and Dad were on their third (and it appears final) marriage each. In those 16 years, I accumulated three more brothers and sisters, and basically that was about it. By the time I graduated high school, I was ill-prepared for the simplest basics of life. It was like giving a 12-year-old the keys to a tank. Not a pretty picture, huh? After wandering from place to place and job to job, I still had no idea what life was about. I had even less of an idea about what I was supposed to do with my life. No one seemed to be able to help me. All that was ever said was “Get a job, stay there a while, save money, go to college, blah, blah.” In my head was always the same thing, “And then what?!?!” I never seemed to find the answer I was looking for. Feelings of uselessness and despair were always following the lack of answers to my questions. Little did I know that God was working throughout the years of my life. For some reason, my conscience never allowed me to tread into certain areas. At age 28, I can proudly say that I have never used drugs, smoked cigarettes, and I am still a virgin. All of this is only by the grace and love of our wonderful Savior, Jesus Christ. At the age of 20, God began dealing with me. Eternity began to enter my thoughts. After two or three near-death experiences, I ended up living a mile from an Apostolic church. Within a couple of months I was baptized in Jesus Name and had received the infilling of the Holy Ghost. Not long after, I was called into pulpit ministry. From there, I thought my way was set; I would be preaching revivals in a few weeks, and be used mightily by Jesus. My heartbeat from day one was revival, revival, revival, and the restoration of all things that pertained to the Apostolic church in the book of Acts. After a few months, the Lord moved me elsewhere, and spiritually I began to flourish. The Lord let me know that I was to be used greatly in His kingdom. Jesus was using me, and I knew my time was coming soon. I wasn’t preaching, but I was submitted to my pastor and content with what God had me doing. Along the way, after reading His Word and seeking His face, He began to deal with me on things in my life. I began to deal with character flaws from my troubled past and, after about three years, I was getting what seemed to be some semblance of a “normal” (whatever that is) life. It was during this time the Lord began to ask for the one thing no one wants to give: my life. Everything is what He wanted. The Love of my life and my Savior began to ask for the right to take over everything. It was not what I was expecting. Like many, I bargained. “Lord, I have these plans,” I would always say to Him, and always He would let me know in one way or another His ideas were better. I began to make more decisions from a fleshly mindset. Once again, my life became unstable. He allowed me to see the fruit of those decisions, and silently waited as I cried to get out of each situation. Did I leave the church or ministries I was involved in? No, like many others, I kept going on, and, like many who did so, I got into a routine. The result was more activities, less prayer. After four years of living for God, I started preaching here and there. Jesus used me at work to minister and witness to people, and at church to work the altars, as well as being used at times in the gifts of His Spirit. It seemed like I was on a good path, but I knew I was becoming empty inside. My life was not making sense. The blessings of God in my life began to diminish. He was asking for more time, more prayer, more devotion—all of my heart and soul. I knew Deuteronomy 6:4. I am an Oneness believer and preacher. It is a part of my being and who I am. I was once a part of the “Always Saved” fellowship (no stones intended, they are one of the reasons I am where I am), so the revelation of the Mighty God in Christ was revealed, not taught to me. Like many people I would not apply verse 5. “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and all thy soul, and with all thy might” (emphasis added). Finally, after seven years in His church, I hit bottom. I was depressed. I had not prayed in months except little prayers here and there. I did not even want to be a preacher after learning some of the battles I would deal with. His Voice, which had been heard at one time with regularity and clarity, became silent. In December of that year, I was clipped by a diesel on the Interstate. Eternity began to enter my mind again. A month later, I was laid-off from my job as a laptop repair tech, which had afforded me a fairly comfortable lifestyle. I was going to go back to college and either become a Certified Public Accountant or attain a Masters degree in Business Administration. I had plans. That day was the only day since He saved me that I remember thinking, “Should I quit?” I had just signed a lease on a fairly expensive apartment, living completely on my own. My car was paid for. My bills were limited, especially since at that time I had quit paying tithes. Like many who are going through the traumas of life, I began to fast, pray, and make promises to God. I lost my apartment since I could no longer pay the rent and moved in with family. I had a job that I trained for and it did not work out. Not long after that I had another job, and, while at that place, another job that I had applied for came open and I began working there. I thought my journey was over because I was living on my own again, I had a good job (not good pay, but stable), and paying my own bills with no problem. Yet again, turmoil seemed to find me. Through circumstances out of my control, I had to move in with relatives again. I nearly had to leave this area and my wonderful church, which only would have sent me further out of the will of God. I had enough. I knew what I had to do. The first Saturday after that move, I went to the church to pray. No prayer meeting or church service. No maintenance to perform at the church. I simply went to get right with God. I placed my tithe in the secretary’s office and went to the prayer room. I prayed for what seemed like an hour, and it was only 20 minutes. I was not leaving that prayer room until I laid everything at the feet of Jesus. I repented for everything I could think of. I prayed until I had nothing left. No agenda. No plans. It was just me and Him. I began praying daily with consistent fasting and Bible reading. Scriptures that had been forgotten were coming back to me. I was still living with relatives and in a bad situation, but I was back in a covenant relationship with Him. I needed Him again. Things were going well, and then life happened again. Bad seed (debt) I had sown came to fruition. I lost my car. I was at work, 25 miles away from home. I caught a ride to church and began to pray when I arrived. The Lord spoke. He told me He had forgiven me of all the rebellion and disobedience, to move on, that I should just follow Him and my steps would be ordered of Him. I had no money, no way home, but I had a promise from God. He also said that as fast as I lost everything, I would get it back, and that I would be restored to the place I was in Him as well. Within two weeks I had my car back, I was again living near church and work again, I had my own apartment paying my own bills. God provided everything. Once again things were “normal,” only my apartment is a sanctuary where I meet with Him daily and study His Word. I am hearing His voice clearly again, and, as a result, I am receiving messages that I may one day preach for His glory. He restored everything simply because I accepted His will for my life and gave myself completely to Him. He has become my life and refuge, my shield and exceeding great reward. I know to follow Him is to know blessing and brokenness. He has proven there is none like Him, and He has all power to pull you out of your situation. If you will surrender, no one, especially the devil, will keep you from finding His blessing and provisions.
ninetyandnine.com Ó 2004 J. Shaun Butler --------- Shaun Butler is both a full-time student and maintenance man at the same school. He is a misplaced Texan who is either sleeping, at church, or following his beloved Razorbacks when not cleaning toilets or pondering the intricacies of the Pythagorean theorem. He is happily single living in West Memphis, AR. |
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