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Print Editor’s Note: Gwen Spell sent these emails out to friends as her 17 year-old son Matt was dying. She hopes they can minister to someone else in a similar crisis.
December 31, 2001
The Gate In my mind I am taken to The Gate. I have been to this gate several times before, beginning at the age of 11. At age 11, I lost my Aunt Pat to cancer. I missed her terribly. God allowed me to take a trip to heaven and take a peek inside The Gate. Sure enough, she was there, smiling. She was fine. What a comfort that was to a young girl. Tonight, I am taken there once more. Just inside the gate there is a cluster of women. In the front is Sister Emily O’Brien. She was my pastor’s wife from birth to the time I married. I grew up in Starks, Louisiana. We lost her a few years back to cancer. These ladies are excited. I hear what they are saying, “Is Matthew coming today?” Another replies, “No, not today. Maybe soon.” They are talking about my Matt. They are looking for him. They are waiting just inside The Gate for him. They are anxiously awaiting his arrival. I know that he will be well taken care of when he enters The Gate. My stomach lurches, my heart pounds, my mind rebels. I can look no longer. I retreat from the gate. I wrap my arms around Matt. He sighs deeply. I know that he is not asleep. There is nothing for either of us to say. We have another hill to climb. I feel that Matt is becoming weary. He is frail and tired. This has been a long journey. Leukemia is our enemy. It will not go away. Matt is kind, gentle, sweet-spirited, smart, and witty. Of course, he has much to offer heaven. It is easy to understand why these ladies are waiting by The Gate for him. Matthew is…a gift from God. I cannot make my heart let go. Matthew was born on my 21st birthday, November 2, 1984. He was my birthday baby. God gave him as a gift to me on my birthday. I have cherished every moment with him since birth. I cannot simply hand him over. I grasp at any speck of hope. I truly understand why there must be excitement in heaven at the thought that my Matt may be on his way. Heaven is a place for special people, and Matt is definitely special. I pray. I wait. I trust God. I want His will to be done. I know it will be, regardless of the outcome. I am a mother, though, with a mother’s heart given to me from God. He understands my thoughts. I pray that I do not disappoint Him with my earnest prayers. He knows this mother cannot simply turn her son over. I cannot give up just yet on my son. Many, many miracles have happened since we came to St. Jude (hospital). We now need a new miracle. Please join me in prayer….
January 7, 2002
Another
Visit to The Gate Matt’s two great-grandmothers are standing at the entrance this time. Mama Floy Spell is at the center of The Gate, actually jumping up and down. Her hair is piled high upon her head. She seems to have found a hairdresser in heaven. There are two things on her mind—Matt and the chocolate cake she plans to bake. My grandmother, Margie Bynog, stands silently to the side. Her skin is as flawless as ever. Her eyes twinkle and her cheeks are red with excitement. Her hands are clasped in front of her as she waits. In the distance, I see Sister O’Brien. There is a throng of people coming to The Gate, and she is literally directing traffic. I hear her say, “Get over there! You know that is where you are supposed to be. Come on—hurry!” She is loved as much in heaven as she was here on Earth. She hasn’t changed a bit, except she now has a new body. My heart aches, but not as much. I am not as fearful as I was last time I was at The Gate. I turn to go, but when I turn around I am met with a sight that stops me in my tracks. Not more than 10 paces away is my Matt. He is walking straight and tall. His feet are dragging. His face is gaunt, and there are blue smudges around his eyes. This is the beloved face that I see each day lying in the hospital room. I try to see the path from which he came. There is no path at all, but it appears that he has walked up the side of a cliff. A cloud appears above Matt’s head with the word “triumphant” in the cloud. I am caught between Matt and The Gate. My mind races. What should I do? There is no way I can leave now. I curl up at the foot of The Gate. I do not see God, but I feel His smile shroud me in warmth. I hear His voice. He says, “Okay, Gwen. You can lie by The Gate.” I go to sleep. My heart still aches. Something will happen at this Gate. I will be witness to it. If ever there was an entrance from heaven to Earth, it has to be at a children’s hospital. Last night I rubbed Matt’s back. This is a nightly ritual with both my boys. I feel the bones in his shoulders and think that they are becoming perfectly shaped for wings. I serve a good God. He has a perfect plan for Matt. Regardless of the outcome, Matt is going to be just fine. A miracle will happen at The Gate. Please keep Matt in your prayers…
February 19, 2002 We have an angel in our family. His name is Matt. He left tonight at 8:00. Please pray for all of us left behind.
ninetyandnine.com © 2005, Gwen Spell --------- Gwen Spell is the mother of two boys, Matt and Tyler. She is a member of the First United Pentecostal Church of Denham Springs, Louisiana. |
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