|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
Print Dear Gabby, I am new to ninetyandnine.com, but you seem to be a wise person. I hope you can help me with my question because there is something that is really bothering me. My fiancé and I will be getting married in a couple of months. He is a wonderful man who attends a wonderful church, and I am really looking forward to going there when we are married. Or at least I was, until recently, when he revealed to me the following situation: A few years ago, a long-term musician at his church committed adultery. The man divorced his wife and married his mistress. As far as my fiancé knows, the pastor took no action except that he refused to marry them and they had to go to a JP. His wife (the first one) left the church over it, and the man is still involved in the music ministry there. Gabby, I've always been raised to believe that this man would be considered the “guilty party” and the Scriptures do not allow him to remarry. I believe this man is living in continual sin. My fiancé says the situation bothers him, too, but he trusts his pastor to do the right thing. Meanwhile, I'm not so certain. Can God bless a church that allows sin to continue? What else goes on there I don't know about? What do you think? Your opinion would mean a lot to me. Thanks, Sad in South Carolina P.S. Going to my church instead isn't really an option for us, as it is located several hours from my fiancé’s job. Dear Sad, Miss Gertrude Gibbons was our town’s resident old maid. Not only was she an old maid, but she was also the chaperone-of-choice for all the town’s parents. (Young folks nowadays probably won’t be able to understand the idea of a chaperone, but, in my youth, we were never allowed to be alone in private with a member of the opposite sex. Instead, we did our courting in public or with a stern adult along to make sure we behaved ourselves.) Miss Gibbons was affectionately known as “Old Eagle Eyes” because, even when our parents hadn’t hired her, she still watched all of us and was happy to report on any of our misdemeanors. Which was why we were all so shocked when we heard about the mystery man seen behind her curtains one night. It was obvious that they were involved in a passionate clutch, and, as the story passed from person to person, the details got more and more scandalous. When I started to share the juicy tidbit at the dinner table, my wise Mama stopped me cold. “Gabrigail!” she said, in a shocked tone. “Yes, Mama,” I replied. “Where did you get this information you’re trying to pass on to further innocent ears?” “Genevieve Adams’ mom told her that Mrs. Brownley said that Charles and his friends were out by Old Eagle… I mean Miss Gibbons’ house last night and saw her.” “And Genevieve told you?” “Yes.” “And you listened, Gabrigail?” my Mama asked me in the tone that told me, even clearer than her words that I was in big trouble! I learned that evening over my mashed potatoes and gravy about the havoc caused by gossip and that nothing good ever came of it. I learned that gossip was seldom completely true; it was typically only a piece of truth, enhanced with salacious additional details and presented in the most negative light as possible. I also learned that I should never, under any circumstances, convey gossip. How would I feel, my Mama asked me, if someone was talking about me? And, before I had a chance to answer that I wouldn’t like it at all, my Mama asked me if I understood the seriousness of what she’d said. “I do, but…” “But what?” “What if what you’re saying is true? What if Miss Gibbons really did have a gentleman caller at her house last night — especially after all the times she’s gotten us in hot water? Charles said she did.” And my Mama’s answer to me is what I want to say to you, Miss Sad: “Even if it’s true, it’s not your personal business.” That was very hard for me to swallow. Miss Gibbons had made it her personal business to get me in trouble, so why wasn’t it my business when she did wrong? Because, my wise Mama explained, I wasn’t the authority figure in Miss Gibbons’ life. I was responsible to make sure I, personally, did right before God, my family and my community. God did not make me responsible for Miss Gibbons. Making sure I behaved would be a full-time job for me. So, Miss Sad, I understand that this situation is very difficult and confusing. And I agree that adultery is sin, that people should do right, and that pastors and churches should handle this type of circumstance in a biblical manner. But, ultimately, as hard as it is to contend with, this information was relayed to you as gossip and it really isn’t your business. What is your business? You and your fiancé have to choose a church to attend after you’re married and you must be faithful members. That’s what God requires of you. It may be the one your fiancé already attends or a different one. That’s something for the two of you to decide. But the rest of the situation? As hard as it is to think about, the rest is between the man in question, his pastor and his God. Never forget, though, that God is the ultimate Judge and He’s looking at all our lives through the eyes of eternity. He is definitely keeping score. Even when it seems like someone “got away” with doing wrong, we don’t know what God has in store for them. Speaking of stores, I did want to tell you that, a couple of days after my wise Mama taught me about gossip, we discovered that Miss Gibbons had been hired by the General Store to sew outfits for the town’s first mannequins and she’d taken them home to fit the clothes to them. Sincerely Sincere, Gabby
ninetyandnine.com © 2005, ninetyandnine.com ---------- Gabrigail VanBurden has been offering advice for longer than most of you have been alive. Email your practical Apostolic life questions to Gabby@ninetyandnine.com and be prepared for some straight answers! |
|
|
