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Maintaining Purity, Resisting Sex
By Jeni Holdaway
May 2, 2005
Upon hearing the sad news of
yet another teen pregnancy at my church, I began thinking of all my single
friends that are in the church and realized that I could count on one hand those
who were still virgins, myself included. We Apostolics skirt the issue and never
address it directly. As a result, sex is prevalent among our teens and young
adults—more than I think we would like to admit. I hope that by addressing this
head-on, someone may be deterred from making
one of the biggest mistakes of their life.
How did I manage to stay a
virgin for 25 years? Now I know what you’re thinking, but I am neither fat,
ugly, nor a social reject. My “virginism” isn’t for lack of opportunity, but
rather by the grace of God. I am sure that most young adults have had at least
one “close call” when it comes to sex. That is a scary place to be. Why is it
that some are able to pass the test and not others? Having passed the test thus
far, I decided to look at my past relationships and came with five steps to help
you win the ever-present sexual battle.
1) Prayer
I know this
sounds simple, but it really does work “…The effectual fervent prayer of a
righteous man availeth much” (James 5:16). I have made it a habit of
praying before I go on dates or out with significant others, asking the Lord to
keep His hand upon me and to keep our conversations and actions pleasing to
Him. I’ve also found that, when my walk with God is strong, my spiritual radar
is more sensitive. I’m less likely to do things that would put me into a
compromising situation when my prayer cup is full. Just remember, “I can do
all things through Christ, who strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). God can
give you the strength and willpower to say no.
2) Boundaries
Set boundaries
and stick to them. If you have decided that you will not kiss until you are
married, then stick to it. If you have decided that hand-holding is a little too
much, then hold fast. If you are not sure what good boundaries should be, talk
to your pastor. God has put them in our lives as guides. Once you start to
cross boundaries, it becomes easier and easier to go farther sexually than you
intended. If your significant other doesn’t like your boundaries or has a
problem respecting them, then perhaps you should rethink your relationship. If
they really love you, they’ll wait.
3) FLEEEEEE!!!!
Follow the
example of Joseph when tempted by Potiphar’s wife. When the water starts to get
hot, get out of there! Paul wrote, “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow
righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a
pure heart” (II Timothy 2:22).
I was not raised Apostolic,
but was involved in the Mormon church until I was 14 years old. One summer I
remember being at a Mormon youth camp seminar about dating. All of the youth
leaders handed out business cards with the word FLEE and the scripture reference
II Timothy 2:22 written across the top. Each business card had their phone
numbers on them and a quarter attached. They told us to keep the cards with us,
and, if we were ever in a situation where we needed to FLEE day or night, they
would come and get us. That has always stayed with me. You can always
get out of those situations, even if it means walking home. I would rather have
sore feet than a sore heart.
4) Accountability
Make yourself
accountable to someone you trust. A youth leader, parent, pastor, or good
friend, are always good choices. I’ve found that when I have to give
accountability for my actions, I’m less likely to get into trouble. A former
roommate of mine was my accountability partner. After dates we usually talked
about what happened—made sure that we had “behaved” on our dates. She and I
also devised a plan so that if we ever needed an “out” in a situation, we would
simply text-message each other for help. That would mean that one of us would
suddenly need to come home right away. I know it sounds silly and juvenile, but
it worked!
5) Become a
Pentecostal Nun or Priest
I am now
accepting applications for the PN&PA (Pentecostal Nun and Priest Association)!
Okay, that was a joke. In all seriousness, remember that the
consequences of having
sex before marriage will affect you for the rest of your life. Most of the
people I know who had premarital sex regret it more than any other mistake
they’ve made. It will inevitably lead you down the road of disappointment and
self-condemnation. If you know you can’t control yourself, then don’t date!
Don’t be alone with the opposite sex! Don’t set yourself up for failure!
These are a few simple, but
effective, methods for maintaining purity. Some of these steps are painfully
obvious, but often, we just need to be reminded. While sex is constantly thrown
at us via billboards, magazine covers, television, music, and movies, it is good
to know that not everyone is doing it.
ninetyandnine.com
©
2005, Jeni Holdaway
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Jeni Holdaway
currently resides in Denver,
Colorado where in the last year she bought her first home, became an aunt to the
cutest kid in the world, received a long-awaited promotion, and has started
planning her first trip to Europe. It doesn’t get much better than this. |
