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Print So, you want a soul mate, and you think you’ve found that perfect someone who will make the rest of your life perfect? You think that you have finally found your “Soul Mate”! Survey Says?... EEErrrrntttt! Wrong answer. Young man, the above answer was wrong because it was I-me-my focused. It is your job to become her soul mate, not her job to become yours. Ladies, for you the reverse is true. In this modern day of courting dos and don’ts, complete with all of the plans and schemes of romantic endeavors formed by the fantasies of the big screen fairy tales, which define for us the hopes and dreams of times to come, an even momentary glance at the statistics of relationships destroyed testifies to the underlying fault-line running deep below the surface of this modern philosophy on relationships. In plain ol’ simple English—it just doesn’t work that way. Don’t get me wrong, romance is the lifeblood of any courting relationship, and a vital ongoing part of a good solid marital relationship (and yes, every date is a step toward further, deeper, things leading up to marriage; it is a trial run, whether you want to think of it that way or not). But what is wrong with today’s philosophy is the lacking of a basic Scriptural principle which is fundamental to all successful marriages. By the way, don’t consider a marriage successful, just because they have been together since God created dirt, but rather based upon the joy and magic that is or isn’t there after all this time. This is what I love about watching my pastor and his wife. They serve one another; they love one another. That fundamental issue is the true concept of what a “soul mate” is. God said:“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” (Philippians 2:3) Did you get that? It is your job to remember that she is better than you, more valuable than you, deserving of more honor than you, deserving of more love and praise and respect and fulfillment than you, and in every other area, when in doubt, when in conflict, when there is an issue of who will come out on top—God said for you to humble yourself and yield your desires and goals so that she comes out on top. (Bummer, huh?) God sure knows how to get to the point of humbling us, doesn’t He? But then, just think about all of the conflicts in a marriage, and ask yourself how many of them would go away if the spouses would only obey this verse. (By the way guys, it is our job to bow first.) For the record guys, there is only one exception to this rule, and that is where sin would be the resulting outcome if you give in. (Take Adam and Eve and the fruit, for example.) There are more Scriptures supporting this fact than there is room here to expound upon, but remember this, it is just good ol’ common sense—Young man, become a student of her. Learn her every dream, goal, ambition, hope, desire, and need, and then set out to become that man that she wants, and needs by systematically fulfilling each of those points. Become her Soul Mate (Ladies, you too). This sounds entirely too easy, doesn’t it? Give it a try! Just when you think you have her figured out she’ll change on you! Don’t allow society to define her for you, or you will be wrong. She is not the product of a cookie cutter, she is an individual, and more so than you can imagine. Case in point: for our 10th wedding anniversary, I had planned a dream of a weekend, including the fulfillment of one of my wife’s life long dreams—a simple helicopter flight. All planned as a surprise, of course, but because she kept pushing me to tell her what I was up too, I began sharing the details with her and I am glad that I had. My plans, or, what I wanted for her, turned out to be anything but what she was in the mood for at the time. I planned breakfast and a scenic sunrise helicopter ride, followed by a day at the spa; candlelit dinner next to a lake, followed by a moonlit walk, and some soft music to dance to beneath the stars; ending with a nice hotel room away from the kids and the rest of the world: flower petals, candles, bubble bath, massage, and holding her in my arms ‘till she fell asleep. Sounded great to me, and the nearly 50 women I had spent an entire month asking for help in planning this thing, but, wouldn’t you know it, she had a different plan, and had changed on me again. All she wanted was to take a small night out, eat in a large crowded Chinese buffet style restaurant, drive around in the rain holding hands and listening to the romantic station on the radio, watch a romantic comedy at the movie theatre, stop for cheesecake at IHOP on the way home where she wanted to snuggle up with a romantic novel, and be alone. I felt like an absolute bum, make that a capital B.U.M., bum. Yet that is what she really wanted, and that is what she got. That’s what I get for marrying a simple farm girl, practical to the max. But that is my point, she is an individual, and deserves the respect of being allowed to be herself. And so, she got what was important to her. And that is what should be important to me. Was I a bit disappointed? Yup. I had plans of being the main character in our own private romance novel. I was going to take her by the hand and lead her through the pages of one of those chick lit books. Yup, I was gonna define romantic for years to come, I was…I was being selfish, self centered, self focused, and you can fill in the blanks. It is not about what is important to me, but what is important to her. And by the grace of God, I am learning this, and becoming more successful at applying it. Soul mates are not found, they are made, and that by work and design. Now, go find a good, committed, God-loving, God-fearing, Princess, and set out to become her Prince Charming.
ninetyandnine.com © 2005, John Boyles ------- John Boyles is deeply committed to planning the greatest adventures of a lifetime, boldly going where no man has gone before, valiantly overcoming every obstacle in his path, confidently forging the massive rivers of the world’s most vast rainforests, quickly scaling every mighty peak on the horizon, just as soon as he catches his breath, from typing too fast. |
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