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Print Dear Readers, The letters this week reminded me of previous questions and answers so, instead of giving a fresh answer, I’m pointing my readers back to earlier ones. I hope you enjoy your return trip–and for those of you who missed the columns the first time around, you’ll have the opportunity to read something brand new! Here they are: Dear Gabby, I was married for 12 years. We have four children and have attended an Apostolic Church during all that time. For years my husband was in and out of the church, using drugs, drinking and committing adultery. We’ve been through a lot of things together. Even though he committed adultery on me, I took him back when he was ready to come back to me. Then he left me for another woman and that time, I took him back again. I took him back every single time he left and then came back. Finally, when he continued to commit adultery, I divorced him so my children and I could get away from all that. My problem is that I just can’t let this go. Why do I feel so inadequate as a wife and mother? I would like to get on with my life but I love being married. I would like to be married again, but I know in my heart I have to let this go first. Some advice would be very helpful, and I like it straight! Thanks. Ms. Been to the Bottom in Baltimore Dear Ms. Baltimore, Only when my dear Harry died, after 52 ½ years of marriage, did I realize what he’d provided for me—and I’m not talking about financial support. A woman has a place deep in her heart, specifically created for the security and care provided by the man who loves her. She belongs. He’s hers and she’s his. The two of them share a history that’s not shared with anyone else. When you’re married, something deep inside you relaxes with the knowledge that there’s someone else in the world who is there for you in a way that no one else is. When my marriage was over—by death in my case—all those unspoken (and typically unnoticed) feelings of safety, security and identity were suddenly gone. It wasn’t about financial security because Harry had provided for me ahead of time. It was about the absence of his male strength (both his muscles and his powerful innate masculinity). My femininity was even different because suddenly I didn’t have my man to contrast it with. I had to learn to stand again and to live again – without leaning on him. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s going to be hard for you too. But, it’s important to do it, and do it right, so that, in the future, if God has another man for you, you’ll be the right kind of woman for him. Please read what I said to Miss Struggling with Singleness in Southern California whose marriage also ended. That will help you to do the right thing—even during this very, very difficult time in your life. Sincerely Sincere, Gabby
Dear Gabby,
I'm in a situation where a girl I'm interested is almost certain to move back to her hometown. I want to pursue a relationship with her but I don't know how she feels about that. If she does move should I see where things go or do I just forget about her? Thanks for the advice.
A Guy in Gadsden Dear Mr. Gadsden, Although your situation isn’t exactly the same as “Friendly in Florida,” the principle is similar. Healthy relationships, especially in their early stages, should develop slowly and carefully. Why don’t you read my answer to Friendly and see what you think? Sincerely Sincere, Gabby
ninetyandnine.com © 2005, ninetyandnine.com ---------- Gabrigail VanBurden has been offering advice for longer than most of you have been alive. Email your practical Apostolic life questions to Gabby@ninetyandnine.com and be prepared for some straight answers! |
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