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Print Regardless of what happens at a church I visit, it won’t impact my salvation because I am in church, and have been all my life. Other visitors, however, don’t have that advantage. Add that to the fact that many of them are experiencing religious culture shock, and you can leave a visitor ready to flee and never return. Recently I began a month-long research trip for my dissertation. During that time I have attended church on the road. It brought back a lot of memories of my experiences looking for a church the two times that I moved for graduate school, visiting churches of relatives, and so on. Because of this, I’d like to share some general advice for what makes a visitor feel welcome and what can run them off. After all, it is every saint’s responsibility to reach out to visitors who come to your church. ■ Making your visitor feel welcome begins before they even head to church—Make it easy for them to find you. The most basic way to do this is to have an answering machine at your church that gives the church address and service times. Church directories online or printed often have the wrong address or list the pastor’s residence rather than the church address. Often I have had to wait and call a church during a service time just to find out when services actually were. No one likes to interrupt some usher’s schedule like that, but occasionally that has been the only way I could find out when service was as no one would answer the phone at any other time and there was no message machine. Another way to help visitors find you is by giving them clear directions either on the phone system or through a website. This is especially important if your church is easy to miss when driving by or in not the nicest neighborhood in town. My current church is located in a neighborhood which, when I described it to a co-worker, he informed me that in his second job as a pizza delivery guy, his shop refuses to deliver to that neighborhood. Frankly, if your church is in an area like that, make it as easy as possible for your visitors to find you. No one, especially a woman, wants to drive around endlessly in uncomfortable surroundings. ■ Take care of basic upkeep around your church—Not all churches are affluent enough to have palatial buildings. It is understandable if the carpet is a bit worn or the parking lot is gravel, but there is no excuse for having a church that is dirty or run-down. Once on a drama tour stop, some of the boys came back and reported to the girls that they had moved the choir risers to set up our props and low and behold they found mushrooms growing in the carpet! I missed the mushrooms, but I have seen dead bugs laying in hallways, carpet that needs to be re-stretched and thus trips people, people who are incapable of getting a roll of paper towels from under the sink and replacing the bare roll, and people cooking at a church event who dumped the grease in the bushes by the back door thus bringing hordes of flies to the parking lot. All of these are problems that are cheaply and easily solved. If you see a problem like this at your church take care of it, don’t wait for someone on the cleaning crew to get around to it. If you are creating these problems think about what message you are sending about your church. ■ Once your visitor arrives at the church, make it easy for them to come inside—This means having someone there to greet them. A nice friendly welcoming face helps a lot. If you want visitors to fill out visitor cards, do it then. Don’t wait until church starts and have them do it in the middle of service. Also avoid making your visitors run a gauntlet. At one particular church I pulled up and there, lining the rails of the entrance ramp like pigeons on a phone line, was every teenager in the church. At another, I opened the door to the sanctuary from the lobby and found about 10 men all clustered together in the five feet between the door and the back pew, all of whom turned to stare. In both cases I felt on display and wanted to leave. Your visitor more than likely isn’t there to strut their stuff; they want to fit in more than they want to stand out. Don’t make them feel like a freak. ■ When someone comes into your church, make them feel like they are welcomed and that they would fit in there—Here is where it is everyone’s job to greet the visitors, not just whoever is the official greeter. I visited a large church, membership was near if not over 1,000, this church apparently had no greeters. I went in and sat down. No one said a word to me. I know they had to know I was not a regular, because I could tell from certain behaviors that they sat in the same places every service. I was obviously an intruder. Even by the time service had started, still no one had said a word to me. So after church I decided to see just how long it would take for someone to say hi. I smiled at people walking up the aisle as they left: no bites. Forty-five minutes after church was over most of this congregation had left and the lights were going out. I gave up and went home. The best churches I have visited, those who make people feel welcome, are the ones who try to match people’s interests. Make sure visiting college students meet other students in your church. If the visitor is a teacher and you have someone in your church in education, help them find each other. It is also important to help visitors meet people their own age. I am a late 20s career-oriented woman. If the only people I meet at your church are stay-at-home mothers with children my age, I will assume your church is not a good fit for me. I will add here, the pastor sets the example in this. The friendliest churches I have been in are usually also the ones where the pastor has made sure to greet visitors. It shouldn’t be his job alone though. ■ Avoid overwhelming your visitors—A simple handshake and a “Glad to see you” with a few moments of chitchat can suffice. You don’t have to know all their business. You don’t have to hug them and become too friendly. I dislike random people coming up to hug me; I don’t know you so don’t touch me. My friends have doubled over laughing more than once watching me avoid an attack of the huggers. There are huggy women in every church and they find me. For men this problem is even more interesting. I’ve heard more than one man testify that on their first visit to an Aostolic church they decided that all the men there must be gay because of the hugs they got. During service do your best to convince your visitors that despite all the strange worship style that they may not be used to, you are normal and kind people. Think about how your actions are perceived by others. Once my brother and I visited a church where the usher threw the song books at us. It took more than a few times before we figured out that was normal behavior for that usher. Think also about what you say. I have been in churches were I heard blatantly racist comments like the proudly said “We don’t have any Mexicans in our church,” or the hateful, “We should put all Arabs in America in concentration camps.” To me the first comment only showed that the church was refusing to do outreach to part of their community, and the second comment showed how they may be lacking the love of God. Try to behave in a normal fashion. One church I went to, I was convinced the congregation deserved each other. First there was the couple to my left doing some light making-out in the middle of service. The pastor got up and railed at them, telling them to sit apart in the evening service like they were supposed to, men on one side, women on the other. Then in the middle of the sermon, an older man popped up and began to argue with the pastor about what exactly was David Koresh’s (Branch Davidian leader) real name. When I left, this very friendly church asked me if I would be coming back that night. I smiled sweetly and explained I had plans to visit some place else that night. The further away I drove, the harder I laughed. I never went back. I can only imagine what a new visitor would have thought of the Aostolic experience. ■ As your visitor leaves, make sure they will want to come back—Don’t tailgate them out of the parking lot and down the street, they may be driving slowly because they aren’t familiar with that area of town. Don’t make them go through another gauntlet while leaving the building. Do follow-up with them. Twice when looking for churches to attend while in graduate school, I went back for a second visit when I didn’t have any plans to because the pastors sent letters to me saying how happy they had been to have me. Also, make sure that they have a schedule of services, this way they have a reminder and don’t have to hunt to find service times. Make it easy for them to return.
ninetyandnine.com © 2005, Andrea Johnson ------- Andrea Johnson attends church and graduate school in Columbia, Missouri. She is frantically working on the dissertation this summer, and wants to have it finished sometime next year. Then she can get a job and go through this wonderful church visiting process all over again. |
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