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Print By Joseph A. Castorina (Writer’s Note: I feel overwhelmed when trying to figure out where I should begin in writing a rebuttal to The Attraction Factor Female Version’s sad and insecure point of view. Because of this I will instead post my opinion and leave the previous article alone. Let me say that usually I stay out of conversations like this and let people have their point of view despite how I feel about it. However, this article has the potential to fuel a lot of insecurity in lovely young women as well as break the hearts of those who feel inferior to others. That is something I cannot let stand unanswered.)
Having Said That… I’m 26 years old and have been married for four years. I love my wife very much and will tell you that the thing that attracted me most to her was not her superficial looks. My wife is an incredible prayer warrior, and has been as long as I’ve known her. What first made me take notice was when I heard her in pre-service prayer. I wasn’t the only one who was interested in asking her out, but my friends were intimidated, not because she was beautiful but because they felt she could pray better than they could. I’m not going into details about her life, but I will say that past experiences led her to God when she was a teenager and a strong godly pastor trained and taught her how to be a mature, spiritual woman. It was these qualities that made me want her. On our second date we sat at the beach after dinner and talked about the Psalms, as it is her favorite book. I was so enraptured by her understanding of the word, I had been through Bible College and had dated girls who had taken classes in theology, but this girl understood the word. She is a beautiful woman, but she offered me more than the chance to be seen with her, she offered me a partner who I could grow with, and minister with. She had the same commitment, the same desire, and the same devotion to God that I had, and that is what I wanted more than anything else.
Superficial Exteriors = Superficial Interiors Girls, if you want to change something about your appearance in order to make yourself more comfortable with your image, then go for it. But please don’t feel you need to compromise any standard in order to attract someone. The illustration was given about the girl who dyed her hair and attracted a man. She may have made it seem like a problem was fixed and something good came out of it, but the one who really lost in this deal was the poor girl who had to change her appearance. Why? Because it wasn’t the real her. She deprived herself of the joy of being loved for who she was, as well as the opportunity to be secure in herself, and she deprived the guy of loving the real her. She is the real loser in this game and what makes me mad is the fact that this “friend” shamed her into feeling this way. It may have been done with good intentions, but the fact remains she made her friend feel less-than-desirable and unattractive and in the end encouraged her to compromise a biblical standard in order to achieve what this girl felt was the ultimate prize. It is true men are visual creatures and that we like women who are attractive. However, I have found that when a guy looks for a date he shoots for the most beautiful he can find. When he looks for a wife he looks for the most virtuous he can find. This is especially true for men in the church who have a strong relationship with Christ. Girls, the man you seek needs to have the same level of devotion and spiritual maturity that you have. If you compromise your standards and walk with God, you’re only going to attract those guys who are as shallow and superficial as you’ve become. If you cultivate your relationship with God and seek to deepen your understanding of Him and His word, then you’ll attract men who have the same values. When I was looking for a wife I purposely stayed away from the girls who kinked their hair, glossed their lips, and basically did everything that was “legal” but borderline. You know the girls I’m talking about, the ones you see at rallies, services, and camp meetings who look like Pentecostal versions of Jennifer Aniston or Britney Spears. Their obsession with looking beautiful and finding a man overshadowed any spark of Holy Ghost fire that was burning in their hearts. They gave the appearance that they were only in church because that was how they were raised and that their spiritual maturity and understanding of the Word was as superficial as the image they were trying to keep. Now I’m not against lip gloss or fixing your hair, my point is that if you focus on the superficial, then the superficial is all you are going to get; both in your looks and in a man. If you focus on the spiritual, then the spiritual is what you’re going to get. I stayed away from these girls because they didn’t have anything to offer that would increase my walk with God, help me grow as a person, or add to my ministry. They didn’t offer me anything to build a relationship on or anything that had eternal value. When I looked for a wife, I looked for someone who would love me unconditionally, support me and my ministry, and possess real convictions and spiritual values.
Is There A Virtuous Anybody Out There? The Bible says, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10). In this day it seems that this scripture is becoming more and more relevant. We’re made to believe that beautiful is better and because of it our guys and girls are becoming more and more superficial and a virtuous anybody is becoming harder to find. Girls remember birds of a feather do flock together. If you are shallow, then shallowness is what you’ll attract. If you are spiritual, then spiritual is what you’ll attract. If you want a man whose worth is far above rubies, then be a woman of the same caliber. This level can only be obtained through virtue. What is a virtuous woman? Well the answer can be found in Proverbs 31. Here are some hints though—a virtuous woman is someone who is trustworthy, supportive not critical, diligent not lazy, compassionate, gentle, meek, tender, humble, and seeks after wisdom and understanding. If you strive to be a woman of this level, then you’ll attract men of this level. The scripture is true, “God looks at the heart” and men of God care more about the qualities mentioned above than they do about the superficial. I know, because that’s what I looked for in a woman. If you want to lose weight, fix your hair differently, get contacts instead of glasses, or buy a new wardrobe then go for it. Yet if you compromise standards and focus on the superficial instead of the spiritual, then you’ll push away the men whose hearts pant after God. Love God and seek Him first, and men who love God will see that in you and it’ll make them love you. I can tell you this because I’ve experienced it. I love my wife, not because of her looks but because of her virtue.
ninetyandnine.com © 2005, Joseph Castorina ----- Joseph Castorina is a licensed minister and a loving husband. He is the father of a wonderful 15 month-old son and is expecting a beautiful daughter next month. He is a graduate of Texas Bible College and holds a B.A. in Counseling through Twin Cities University. |
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