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Print Dear Gabby, After many years of the same struggle, I'm at my wit's end and in desperate need of advice. My husband and I have been married more than ten years and for over half of them, we have had a major difference of opinion on doctrine. When we were first married, we went to an Apostolic church and jumped in wholeheartedly together. We became born again, taught home Bible studies, went door-to-door witnessing. Somewhere something went haywire and it's been a rough ride since. My husband no longer believes in the Apostolic message and says that a lot of the worship is just hype. My dilemma is that I want us to go to church together, but he doesn't want to go to an Apostolic church. (He does go with me occasionally, and when his heart is humble, he is very much touched by the Lord.) I’m not interested in attending a church where the whole Gospel isn't being taught and worship is dead. I want to be submissive, but I also want to be fed spiritually. My husband has gone to numerous churches and never stays put. He doesn't force me to go with him and doesn't insist. We both know this isn't working for our good and realize we need a solution. Any suggestions, please? Respectfully,
Dear Mrs. Texas, My Papa was the most gentlemanly man I ever knew. That’s saying a lot because my dear Harry, who I was married to for 52½ years, was quite a man. But if I had to choose just one word to describe my Papa, I’d have to decide between “wise” and “gentlemanly.” Most people think of gentlemen as wealthy men who don’t work for a living. I think of them more like the two halves of the word: gentle and man. No one doubted his masculinity, but my Papa went through his life using a gentle touch with everything he did. That is, except for how he responded to the union’s attempted coercion. Most of his working life he spent as a farmer and as a barber. But, in between those two careers, he spent a couple months at the town factory, owned by the Pendergras family. It turns out that, a couple of weeks after Papa started his job, the Union leader, Mr. Paul Adams, approached him. Mr. Adams invited him to join the union in their fight for fair wages and a six-day work-week (instead of the seven day week they’d been working). That sounded reasonable to my Papa, so he signed up and paid his dues. And for a while, things were fine. The union even had a one-day strike that Papa participated in, and when the Pendergras family realized that the workers were serious, they provided a compromise that satisfied both sides. Speaking of compromise, Papa did so on quite a few issues with the union. He agreed to attend one meeting per month — even though it was on Wednesday nights (when we typically went to church.) He agreed to the wearing of the union uniform and to carry the union lunchbox as a way to advertise who was in the union and who wasn’t. After two months of work with the company, the union leaders tried to coerce my Papa into making some trouble for Tom Parker, a worker who didn’t choose to join the union. Papa refused. The union leaders then threatened Papa, but he refused to be intimidated. Instead, he quit his job. “Your wise Papa knew when to compromise and when not to,” my sweet Mama said to me the day she told me about Papa’s short stint at the factory. “He made his choice according to what his conscience told him. The things that didn’t have any connection to salvation were fine to compromise on. After all, what does it matter in the end, if you wear blue or green uniforms? But when it came to mistreating someone, he knew that God cares about that kind of thing. And wise people — like your Papa — don’t compromise on the things that matter for eternity. Right is right and wrong is wrong.” So, Mrs. Texas, that’s what I want to say to you. You’re definitely in a difficult position with your husband. And I urge you to work together with him to compromise on every single issue — except for your salvation. That’s something God cares about so you can’t negotiate that. Sometimes, even in a marriage, you have to agree to disagree. This sounds like one of those instances. You’ve got to be saved yourself. Beyond salvation, however, compromise freely. God thinks it’s okay — and your husband may end up going with you to heaven, because of your godly example. Sincerely Sincere,
Dear Gabby, I am a 23-year-old young lady who is in the beginning stages of a relationship with a very nice young man one year my senior. I feel confident in saying that we are both very stable in our relationships with God and active in our church. We both come from families that are as well, and neither of us has compromised our convictions. There is seemingly nothing objectionable about the prospect of our being together. Except for one simple thing. I am African-American, and he is white. We not only live in a place where others sometimes look down upon interracial relationships, but more problematically, we attend a church where the pastor is completely opposed to them. Our families actually seem okay with the
idea—I will admit that there may be a bit of discomfort on both sides—but
neither is completely against it. We realize that this is going to be a bit of a
conundrum, to say the least, and we are both ready and willing to endure
whatever arises as a result of things coming to light. I just can’t help but
worry about how things will turn out and about how this might affect not just us
and our families, but the rest of the church as well.
Dear Miss Indiana, My friends, Red and Rosie O’Reilly, always
come to mind when someone asks my opinion of interracial relationships. I wrote
about them on
March 18, 2002. You might want to read what I said to them. Sincerely Sincere,
ninetyandnine.com
© 2005, ninetyandnine.com
---------- Gabrigail VanBurden has been offering advice for longer than most of you have been alive. Email your practical Apostolic life questions to Gabby@ninetyandnine.com and be prepared for some straight answers! |
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