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The Reality of Brokenness
By Kim Johnson
January 9, 2006
While walking into the service that Sunday, my only certainty was the deep ache within my soul. The internal screams of loneliness seemed to deafen me to the reality of the love of those that surrounded me. The oppressive words of hopelessness that rang through my mind left it nearly impossible for me to lift my head, let alone my hands. As I pleaded with God to bring some type of peace to the war in my mind, my thoughts began to somewhat focus and I repeatedly prayed all I knew to at that moment, “Help me!”
The Lord started to answer my cry, and a desperate game of “Hide and Seek” began. Jesus was desperately seeking in love, and I was desperately hiding in fear. As the game I had engaged the Lord in escalated, the pastor informed us that there was someone in the building that needed to let their guard down and allow the Lord to minister in the way that He desired. Though my mind and heart concurred with his words, rather than yielding I began erecting an impenetrable fortress.
The preaching of the Word began, and the construction of my self-protecting stronghold continued. As is customary, at the close of the preaching, the altar call went forth. I, of course, did not. The Spirit of the Lord continued to prod me from every direction, and I quietly kneeled where I was seated. A sister came and placed her hand on my shoulder, the praise singers began to utter “only you can fill this emptiness, I come to you in my brokenness,” and the volcano of emotions within me erupted as tears, flowed down my face like lava and my body convulsed with sobs. The pastor took the microphone and stated slowly, “There…… is ….. therefore…. now… no…… condemnation….” Each word was like a dagger in my heart, and I wept even more uncontrollably. God began a work of healing and purging in me that day. As John wrote, “…thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked:” (Revelation 3:17).
The above story was not the encounter of when I received the Holy Ghost, nor when I was in sin, or going through some emotional trauma. It took place when I had been walking with Him for more than 10 years. God has been leading me to the point that I acknowledged that I don’t have all of “the truth” because He is the truth. He has been beckoning me to realize that I stand before Him in brokenness because I have not allowed my completeness to come from Him.
Jesus Christ is trying to bring His body to a place of brokenness before Him. It’s a painful place to be—standing exposed before the Almighty, knowing He is calling us to look at the piercing reality that before Him we stand wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked. Jesus said, “He hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted” (Luke 4:18).
Before He sends us into the world to heal their brokenness, He is waiting for His church to come to Him and acknowledge theirs. May we allow our tremendous pride to be conquered by the realization of our need.
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© 2006, Kimberly Johnson
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Kimberly Johnson, a Minnesota transplant, is a graduate of Texas Bible College and currently attends Life Tabernacle in Houston. She is a contributing author to Word Aflame publications, and has been very active in creating and teaching Bible Studies, as well as mentoring new believers.