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Print Dear Gabby, I was born and raised in the United Pentecostal Church. I am now in my late twenties, married, with two children. I love the Lord with all of my heart and love to live for Him. I grew up strictly obeying all of the “standards” of the UPC. Now that I’m older, I have realized that the heart and soul of a person is what is most important and not the way they dress. I must honestly say that I have always judged people by the way they were dressed. If I saw a girl starting to do some of the things our church taught against, I automatically assumed that she was backsliding. Now, I am tired of all of it. I’m tired of having to dress different than the people around me. I have studied the “standards” very well and I can find scriptural basis for some of them (like overall modesty) but not some of the specifics. I have heard all sides of the arguments and I do not agree that wearing some of those things is a sin. I know that I would be judged by people in my church if they saw me wearing some of the clothing I do but I do not feel a conviction against it. In fact, ever since I have allowed myself to dress more freely in public, I have become more confident in myself and find myself worrying less about what I am wearing. I just don’t understand how people can judge me for wearing what I do when they show off their bodies by how tight their “correct” clothes are. I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s practical or God’s will for us to go around trying to please other people instead of Him. I want my life to be a testimony to God because of the person I am and not for what I wear. I am tired of looking at people through judgmental eyes. I have realized that this world is so vast and every culture is so different that we should focus on reaching these souls in the last days instead of focusing so much time on ourselves and what others are wearing. Many people look the part, but sit in judgment every day of other people. Others gossip all the time and still are respected in our churches. It makes me sick. Please pray for me that God will lead me in the right path, more than anything I want to be a light to my community. Whatever His will is, I will follow. God Bless, (Editor’s note: While this is not a web zine that addresses issues pertaining to national and/or local church standards, we felt that the answer could apply to a variety of topics and was worth publishing. The issue of standards is more of a side issue with respect to Gabby’s advice. If you’d like to comment on this column, please write your thoughts with those thoughts in mind.)
Dear Mrs. Quebec, My cousin Ernestine died from complications caused by obesity at the very young age of 46. Ernestine wasn’t one of those “pleasantly-plump” people; she was over 250 pounds (at five feet tall) when her heart stopped. What was odd about Ernestine was that her parents and her brother were thin and so was she when she was young. So, how did she go from a normal weight to 250 pounds? According to the autopsy that was performed after she died, it had nothing to do with her metabolism or her glands. She gained all that weight because of her attitude towards food. It was obvious that Ernestine felt guilty about eating when the family would get together because she constantly talked about the food on her plate. She’d say, “I figure I deserve this extra piece of cake since we made the long drive out here to the farm.” Or she’d comment, “Boy, is this fried chicken good. I’m so heavy that it probably doesn’t matter if I have another piece or two” or “Load my plate, I need a lot of fuel to feed this big body.” I remember many times watching her eat and losing my own appetite. So, why am I telling you about my cousin Ernestine? Because, recently, Ernestine’s granddaughter Melinda brought her own little son Colton over to my retirement community for a visit and I saw, once again, the results of Colton’s great-grandmother’s actions on his own life. And she died more than a half of a century before he was born. Colton, at seven years old is, unfortunately a chubby child. His mom, Melinda, is bordering on the edge of obesity and Melinda’s mother, Martha, died at just 42 from complications of being overweight. Martha’s autopsy, like Ernestine’s, showed that there was no physical reason for her weight problem. But Martha grew up watching the way her mother ate and she not only duplicated the unhealthy habits, she ate and gained even more. Martha weighed almost 400 pounds when she died. So, Mrs. Quebec, how does my cousin’s weight relate to your question? It’s that Ernestine’s attitude towards food reminds me of your attitude towards God’s laws. Ernestine’s eating was absolutely self-centered. She ate because she wanted to and because it tasted good, with no consideration of her husband or children. And when she died at such a young age, she deprived her children of their mother and her grandchildren of a grandmother. Not only that, but she taught them, through her own actions, to disregard the laws of nature. And, following her example, her children went farther and got heavier and died younger than she did. Who knows what will happen to Melinda and Colton? So, you may be right. Maybe it doesn’t matter what you wear and whether or not you follow the teachings of your church. But, what about your children? What do you want for their future? If there’s one thing I’ve observed in watching parents and children over a century of living, it’s that the next generation always goes a little farther than the previous one. So, if you teach your children that it doesn’t matter what you wear, even though you’re personally still careful to be modest, your children and your grandchildren will go even farther. Kids don’t seem to learn the nuances. They just seem to understand the bottom line. So what bottom line are your kids learning from you? They’re learning that when their church teaches something from the Bible they don’t agree with, or (what were your other reasons?) they think it’s impractical or they don’t have a personal conviction about it, or they’re tired of following the rules, or they feel freer when they do what they want, or they’re dissatisfied with their church, your kids are learning from you that they should disregard the church’s teaching and do what they want to do. In a couple of generations, your grandkids may wonder why they should go to church at all if it doesn’t matter what is taught there. If you take another look at your letter above, you’ll see that it’s full of the word “I.” Something this generation seems to have forgotten is that it’s not all about them. What you do will affect your children and their children and even the non-related people in their lives. None of us is an island. So, if you’d don’t care about your children, it probably doesn’t matter what you do with your life. But if you do care, it’s important to consider how your actions today could affect their salvation in the future. Would it have hurt Ernestine to forego the second and third helpings of cake or fried chicken? Does it really hurt you to follow the dress rules that you were raised with? If you’re serious about following God’s will, it’s important to consider the children who’re watching you. They’ll react to their church like you do to yours—if they choose to go at all. Sincerely sincere, Gabby ninetyandnine.com © 2006, ninetyandnine.com ---------- Gabrigail VanBurden has been offering advice for longer than most of you have been alive. Email your practical Apostolic life questions to Gabby@ninetyandnine.com and be prepared for some straight answers!
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