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The Question: A reader noticed that it’s a rare married couple that seems intellectually compatible. For most, there seems to be at least a 20-point IQ difference. The reader wonders: can these couples be happy? Do you accept this observation as true?
The Answer: “I am not sure what my husband’s and my IQ would be, but we are very happy. We are very compatible. My weaknesses are areas where he is strong, so we carry the load of marriage very successfully.” The Answer: “Your reader must live in the South, where many girls act much dumber than they really are. Most couples that I know are intellectually compatible.” The Answer: “While there may be many couples who are not ‘equally joined together’ intellectually, I don’t think this is of great importance—it is more important that their goals be similar. Most likely each person will have strengths and weaknesses that will balance out the relationship.” The Answer: “Yes, they can be happy. Their varying talents/abilities can complement the other’s—I like academics, but my husband’s ability with anything mechanical (how many times has he saved us money by repairing appliances?), with gardening, and with woodworking is so much more practical than my college degree! I respect his talents, and he respects mine. And we still have the important things in common, like church and love for family.” The Answer: “Sure, that’s right. Every married couple I meet, I always ask them what their IQ level is! I mean, isn’t that more important than discussing Jesus Christ, illegal immigration, the threat of terrorism, our troops in Iraq, the cause of freedom, and if the Lord is coming back in this present generation? Yep, that’s what I always discuss, everybody’s IQ! Who gives a rip? I mean, if everybody had the IQ of a rocket scientist, who would collect our garbage or flip burgers? Everyone is important, high IQ or not.” The Answer: “My wife and I have noticed this also. She’s probably smarter than me, but not by 20 I.Q. points, so we have so much to discuss in so many areas of life—God, politics, sports, history, etc. We wonder what other couples could possibly discuss, as their interests and I.Q.’s seem so divergent. I mean, when you see a husband trying to explain a ‘current events’ joke to his wife it can be downright scary sometimes…” The Answer: “I don’t know—my husband is extremely intelligent, and I’m no slouch. I couldn’t stand to be with someone who wasn’t as intelligent as he is. I wouldn’t be happy, that’s all I know. However, in life, intelligence is far less important than is willingness to submit to God and be used of Him. Actually, I think nothing else is important. To me the whole question is moot.” The Answer: “Hmmm, I believe I could say my husband and I are one of the rare married couples then. We are intellectually compatible and very happy! With both of us, that was top of the list of ‘must have’ when we were each still single. While I feel it is absolutely essential that you are physically attracted to each other, you must be able to carry on a conversation, too. Respect for each other is paramount, and difficult to come by if you don’t respect each other’s brains. Now one area we aren’t compatible in is money—he’s a saver, and I’m a spender. But that adds the spice!” The Answer: “As a woman who has returned to college (while my spouse is content to not have an interest in academia), I find myself having the ‘intellectual’ conversations with my college friends and co-workers who have been to college rather than with him. So I believe first-hand that intelligence makes a difference.” The Answer: “I think rare is a strong term. I’m more inclined to say it’s closer to 50 percent. I.Q. tests don’t capture the entirety of a person’s intellect. I can only think of one couple in my church where the intellectual difference is dramatic.” The Answer: “There must be significant I.Q. differences in order for a couple to be happy. It is necessary in order to be intellectually stimulated. Couples who are more on the same level are often boring and live in very small worlds.” The Answer: “I don’t believe it matters. A good and godly marriage is based on other things than intellectual compatibility.” The Answer: “Spirit is not measured by I.Q.” The Answer: “This is true because all women are smarter than men. It is the natural order of things, so no problem at all.” The Answer: “My wife and I are very close—I don’t believe it matters to us.” The Answer: “I.Q. is not the only measure of intelligence!” The Answer: “Did this reader have all the people he studied take an I.Q. test? Everyone knows that 86.39 percent of all statistics are made up.” The Answer: “Anyone can be happy if they want to be.” The Answer: “Yes, these couples can be happy. Anyone who thinks that people who score high on the Stanford Benet Intelligence test are only compatible with someone with an equal or close to equal score is sadly misguided. The I.Q. test is only one type of intelligence and only tests a narrow spectrum of intelligence. There is Spatial Intelligence, Music Intelligence, Kinesthetic Intelligence, Inter-Personal Intelligence, and many others. In my opinion, it would actually be a boring marriage if each person scored the same in each type of intelligence. My husband, for example, should probably take the IQ test so that he can show his card around. On the other hand, I would probably do moderately well on the IQ test, but my interpersonal intelligence would far exceed my husband’s. I believe bringing different types of intelligences to a marriage can be a benefit to the whole family unit.” The Answer: “God made woman beautiful so man would love her. He made woman dumb so she would love man. Or sump’n like that.” The Answer: “It’s probably true. My wife would have to either be a woman smarter than me thinking she can keep me in line or a woman stupid enough to think I’m a real catch.” ninetyandnine.com © 2006, ninetyandnine.com ---------- |
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