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Print Dear Gabby, As a single Christian woman, I am striving to treat everyone I meet with the love of Christ. But I am puzzled as to how I'm to treat the random strangers who hit on me in public. As someone who dresses modestly, undeserving of lewd stares and remarks, it seems to me that such attention stems more from the disrespect of women that is common in many men nowadays than it does my appearance. (The fact that I'm almost always alone and therefore "vulnerable" seems to factor in as well.) Therefore, it seems that such uncouth men only get the message of my disinterest when faced with my killer glare. But I'm conflicted about this. Is giving someone the evil eye an acceptable thing to do considering the circumstances? Or could you suggest a more godly way to deflect the undesirable come-ons of uncouth men? Ms. Getting Looks in Los Angeles
Dear Ms. Los Angeles, The other day, my brown-eyed daughter Kristy used a word to describe a babysitter she’d hired that I’d never heard before. I almost didn’t hear it because I was so busy admiring my brand new granddaughter, Jade, who was lying peacefully in Kristy’s arms, wrapped in the hand-knit blanket I’d made her. The word was “schlump.” “Jasmine, the babysitter, just schlumped into my house, tossed her backpack on my couch and, with her iPod earphone still in, she asked where the snacks were,” Kristy fumed. “I was so annoyed that I…” “What does ‘schlump’ mean?” I interrupted her. “That’s a word I haven’t heard before.” “Hmm?” she asked, still recalling her annoyance with the babysitter. “Schlump. You said she ‘schlumped’ into your house.” “Oh,” she answered. “It’s a way some women stomp around, all hunched over and unladylike—sort of a combination of ‘schlep’ and ‘slump.’” “You’ve seen them, Mama,” she continued, getting up out of her chair, handing me my darling new little granddaughter and beginning to bound around the room with her shoulders and head drooping, her knees bent and her posterior thrust out unnaturally. “Seeing them walk like that drives me crazy. And some of them even schlump when they’re dressed up for church,” she said, horrified. “You’re right,” I agreed. “I have noticed that.” “Remember the poem you always quoted to me about how a true lady should carry herself?” she asked, and I nodded. Then, with a smile at each other, we quoted together, in the same sing-song voice: “A true lady glides, doesn’t bounce,
doesn’t stride. Ms. Los Angeles, I was immediately reminded of that little ditty when I read your letter, although I want to say that I don’t know if you’re the type of young woman who “schlumps” or not. Now, I know that people have changed outwardly in the time that I’ve been alive, but I still believe that men and women respond in the same innate ways they always have. Even young men who’ve never been taught about the difference between a regular woman and a true lady will sit up straighter and behave more respectfully when a lady glides into view, with her head held high and her backbone straight. Remember Princess Diana? Remember how people behaved around her when she entered a room? There’s something instinctive about the way everyone else just straightens up and becomes more civilized when presented with a woman who carries herself as a true lady. In a similar way, women behave in a more feminine manner when a very masculine man is in the vicinity. God made us like that. So what’s my advice to you? I don’t believe a killer glare is necessary – at least not most of the time. When you feel that you’re being stared at in a lewd manner, try doing a quick inventory of the way you’re presenting yourself. Are you schlumping? If so, try sitting (or standing) up straighter, lift your chin, pretend to be “Princess Los Angeles” instead of “Ms Generic Los Angeles” and see if it doesn’t make a difference. I’m guessing you’ll still get attention, but it’ll be the admiring and respectful kind and not the uncomfortable, rude kind. Sincerely Sincere,
ninetyandnine.com © 2006, ninetyandnine.com --------- Gabrigail VanBurden has been offering advice for longer than most of you have been alive. Email your practical Apostolic life questions to Gabby@ninetyandnine.com and be prepared for some straight answers!
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