 |
||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
||||||||||
|
Sexual Purity, Outward Standards, and Emotional Adultery April 21, 2008 By Carol
Clemans It's amazing
how some people who claim to be Holy Ghost-filled Christians have
such a convoluted definition of sexual purity. When a young man
tells a young woman (both claiming to have the Holy Ghost--some
in leadership) that oral sex is not having sex, they are in deep
trouble with God. When unmarried couples can do everything with
each other with their sexual organs and call it 'outer course'
or 'Christian sex' and pretend they are still holy as unto the
Lord, they are completely deceived by the devil or complete hypocrites! Sexual sinning
is not new, but it is enlarging its borders within the church.
In my counseling from throughout the United States, I listen to
the pain and shame that is the outcome of people not having personal,
holy conduct boundaries. This type of conduct is sometimes a sexual
addiction from guys preying on gals who have a wounded self-worth
and are vulnerable to someone coming on to them. On the flip side,
some gals come on to the guys out of their inner woundedness trying
to prove they have value by whom and how many they can seduce.
Post-Sex Reality What is so
tremendously sad about this is that the guy that seduces the gal
would never want to marry her when he gets serious about marriage.
He wants a virgin. Yet he will take what he can get from someone
else's future wife! The gal that snags a guy sexually will
have a temporary emotional high, but when he eventually walks
away to someone else, her heart is broken again and that deepens
her emotional pain. God's definition
of sexual purity can be understood when Paul told Timothy to “flee
any hint of sexual impurity” (my paraphrase of II Timothy 2:2).
Can these couples fornicate and do it 'heartily as unto the Lord?'
How can exposing your sexual organs to the opposite sex for sexual
pleasure outside of marriage not be sin? Pastors, parents, and
the church in general need to get their heads out of the sand
and realize that we need to be talking about God's definition
of sexual purity on a consistent basis. We need to teach the Word
of God in helping people to understand how precious they are in
the sight of God. Does the Bible Say That? The Life
in the Spirit Study Bible has an article called “The Acts
of the Sinful Nature and the Fruit of the Spirit” (pages 1852-53).
It lists the sinful nature works of the flesh and the fruit of
the Spirit. 'Adultery'
(GK porneia) = sexual activity or intercourse outside
of the marriage union. The word pornography comes from
the root porneia and thus sexual immorality comprehensively
may include taking pleasure in pornographic pictures, films
or writings. 'Fornication' (GK akatharsia) - sexual sins,
evil deeds and vices, including thoughts and desires of the
heart . . . Paul's final comment about the acts of the sinful
nature is stern and forceful: any so-called Christians who engage
in these types of activities shut themselves out of the kingdom
of God, i.e., they do not possess eternal salvation (See Galatians
5:21; I Corinthians 6:9).1 Here's what's missing in those people who dabble in sexual relationships:
When someone
seeks sexual gratification outside of marriage, they are worshiping
the creature instead of the creator. The Bible teaches that an
adulterer or fornicator shall not have a part in the kingdom of
God. One adulterer told his wife that what he does in his natural
life is separate from his spiritual life. Sex = Hell? The Bible
is clear that sexual sins lead to hell. The world has taken the
special gift that God gives to a husband and wife and has exploited
it to create sin, pain, and death through adultery, fornication,
outer sex, sexual abuse, and pornography addiction. When the prophet
confronted David about his adulterous actions that included murder,
David said that he sinned against the Lord. When Joseph
refused to be seduced by Potiphar's wife, he said that he could
not sin against the Lord. Any sexual activity outside of marriage
is sinning against the Lord! It's possible
to stay sexually pure before marriage and in marriage. When
the Word of God is taught and also 'caught' by following godly
examples, the unmarried can know and believe that God's truth
is the best. I know young people who remained (and are remaining)
virgins until marriage. Each of us who are temples of the Holy
Ghost and are Holy Ghost-controlled have a special relationship
with God. We are His special treasure. We love Him
so much that we do not want to sin against Him. Hooking Up We need to
make a commitment to be trustworthy and not sin against the Lord
with our bodies, and that includes our heart, soul and mind. When
couples 'hook-up' (which means having sex), there is a physical
and an emotional bonding that takes place even when it's considered
a 'friend with benefits.' It does seem to be more troubling emotionally
to the female than the male, but it creates a long-term inner
feeling of being fragmented; the more partners, the more fragmented.
It explains
why God said that the “two shall become one flesh” (Matthew 19:5).
When two people have sex at any level there is a 'oneness' that
takes place because it was to be a gift from God to sustain a
husband and wife within the boundaries of marriage. Unhealthy Emotional Intimacy Husbands and
wives need to understand that they are to leave others and cleave
to their spouses, abandoning all others emotionally. Their
emotional, spiritual, and physical allegiance is to their spouse
only and no one else, place, or thing at any time or in any place. Single young
people need to love God more than self. When you respect yourself
as the house of God, you will have no trouble with others respecting
you. You will be bold enough to set your personal physical boundaries
before you ever start dating. When a date tries to come on physically,
immediately you need to recognize that it is happening for selfish
reasons, not because they are putting your best interests at heart. This is why
every girl needs a godly dad in her life to show her the healthy,
respectful way she should be treated. Many gals that become promiscuous
are searching for a daddy's love they never had. Guys in the church
need their mom to teach them how to respect gals and treat them
as future wives or the way they would want their sister or future
daughter treated when dating. Of course, all young people need
both a godly dad and mom to be closely involved in their lives
talking to them about every issue, including sexual purity, throughout
their growing years from a Bible base. Knowledge empowers
young people to make right choices. If you don't have one in your
family life, find one in your church family. Parents need
to seek Bible knowledge on how to talk to kids about sex and setting
dating conduct standards long before the person is allowed to
date. There are resources
available
(use key words: sexual purity) that are written to teach children
from pre-puberty through teenage and single adult level. Not About Outward Standards Keep this
subject as an ongoing teaching topic on being holy as He is holy.
Everyone I know who got involved in sexual sins had the outward
standards but had no standards of the heart and soul. This is
about a holiness of the heart that will result in holiness in
conduct. The light and dark are the same to God. Sexual purity
is first a heart/mind/body issue--that means before marriage there
should be a commitment to self and God not to participate in any
hint of sexual activity. After marriage, enjoy the gift
of sex thoroughly with your spouse only, as this can also be defined
as sexual purity in heart, mind and body. © 2008, Carol
Clemans ---------- Carol Clemans is a certified pastoral counselor and provided this ministry for Pastor Kenneth Haney for 10 years at Christian Life Center. Presently she provides a teaching and counseling ministry to churches nationwide, including for her pastor, Daniel Batchelor, in Dupo, IL. |
|||||||||
