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Sing to Me: The Film Adaptation of Prince Caspian Reviewed
by Kevin Crispo There's a jaded
story about a man who married a woman only for her good looks and
her beautiful voice. It was a mistake. A big mistake. The honeymoon
ended soon after he shut the door to their honeymoon suite. He gawked
with unbelieving eyes as she removed her blonde wig, false teeth,
wild makeup, and green contacts. In response, he tried to think
of something polite to say. Something like, “Your natural beauty
transcends any artificial enhancements.” Instead, his mouth went
agape like that of a goldfish--or Edvard Munch's painting of The
Scream. Next, with a
wink of a now rust-colored eye, she tossed off her clothes. He had
always believed in modest apparel. Now he knew why. Her unnerving
act revealed a body littered with tattoos, a pair of hail-damaged
legs, a posterior resembling a trash bag filled with cottage cheese,
and flat feet that smelled like the second week of a New York garbage
collector's strike. Just to make his nightmare complete--she hadn't
even shaved her armpits. As he turned out the light--for he had
seen enough--he cried, “Sing to me, baby!” That story reminds
me of the film adaptation of Prince Caspian. As the movie
unveiled itself, an urgent thought galloped through my disenchanted
mind. Sing to me. If you've read
The
Chronicles of Narnia by
C.S. Lewis, you know the plot. One year after the events of The
Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe,
the Pevensie siblings find themselves back in the magical land of
Narnia. During their absence--1,300 years in Narnian time--the Telmarines
overtook the place. Now it's ruled by a Mussolini wannabe: King
Miraz. The rightful heir is Prince Caspian, whom his uncle Miraz
seeks to kill in order to put his own newborn son on the throne.
When I met the
movie, I thought she was beautiful. The computer-generated imagery
enamored me. The talented acting, the breathtaking landscapes, and
the exotic creatures enraptured me. There was never a dull moment.
There was just one problem: I was watching a scarecrow in a wedding
dress. Compared to the novel it was based on, the script was short
on substance. The film was an endless battle scene that gave new
meaning to the word “overkill.” I wanted to love her, but all I
could do was reiterate my plea. Oh, please
sing to me. The lack of
character development is underscored near the conclusion of the
film. Here Susan--one of the Pevensie girls--plants a kiss on Caspian's
lips that will leave him and his kingdom in a daze for another 1,300
years. There's just one small riddle about that romantic gesture.
She's only mumbled a few random words to him during the entire film. Oh dear Lord,
let me keep my sanity. Let her sing. The movie was
both exhilarating and empty. It catapulted me into a land of conflict,
yet it never let me get close to the characters of that conflict. Nonetheless,
when the credits rolled by and the end appeared, my prayer was answered.
I was smitten as Regina Spektor sang “The Call.” Her voice was so
angelic--it almost made me forget the movie. Perhaps the
moral of the story is this: Your best bet is to marry someone with
brains. © 2008, Kevin
Crispo --------- Kevin Crispo resides in a palatial abode near St. Louis. He reads horror stories for fun and studies eschatology for torture.
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