Marriage, Traditional Marriage or Gay Marriage?

June 2, 2008

A Problem

The definition of marriage has been a particularly thorny issue in politics lately. Many political pundits, led by a strongly united evangelical front, have fought hard to assure that marriage is defined as being between one man and one woman. This has become so important that some have even sought to amend the Constitution to reflect it. But there has been little discussion of what marriage is, or why it should be so defined.

To be sure, the Bible does condemn homosexuality. But even though the “one man, one woman” doctrine is the cultural and moral norm throughout history, it is conspicuously missing from the Bible outside of requirements for bishops and deacons. In fact, biblical marriages often seem very unconventional compared to today’s standards. There are men with many wives and even concubines. There are cousins marrying, and there are brothers marrying their widowed sisters-in-law. The Bible offers us some principles of what a marriage should look like, but it does not ever clearly define how a marriage should be structured for all cultures in all times.

Consequently, today’s discussions rarely progress beyond a declaration of “This is the way marriage should be defined because we say so,” or sometimes, “because marriage has always been defined this way.” Such a declaration does not work in a Post-Christian society. In a culture that respects diversity and tolerance more than authority figures, defining marriage by fiat is probably not the best way to defend this sacred institution. Perhaps we should instead focus on biblical principles of what marriage is—beyond whom marriage involves.

A Modest Proposal (Get it?)

Marriage in the Bible is more than simply two people in love. In fact, marriage affects every aspect of a person. Marriage is physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and communal.

Physical—This is the one that our current society focuses on the most. The Song of Solomon is filled with celebration of the physical aspect of marriage. Sexuality is seen as a beautiful expression of love between husband and wife. It is so beautiful that any time it is expressed outside of marriage it is considered sin and a perversion of the way things should be. As a result, the Bible does condemn all forms of sex outside of marriage, but “marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4-NKJV).

Emotional—Although in a historical context marriage for love is a relatively new idea, the Bible does celebrate emotional love and even commands it within marriage. Paul recommends a giving, self-sacrificing kind of love in Ephesians 5:25, but he does it in a dry way. A little more poetic is the suggestion of Proverbs 5:18-19:

Let your fountain be blessed,

And rejoice in the wife of your youth,

A lovely deer, a graceful doe.

Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;

Be intoxicated always in her love.

While marriage for love may not have always been the case, marriage and love have always gone hand in hand.

Intellectual—Proverbs 31 describes an excellent wife. She is someone worth searching for. The implication is that marriage is a choice. To marry someone who loves God is wise. To marry someone who is foolish is to make a foolish choice. Marriage is an intellectual decision. A person chooses to leave behind what their life was like before in order to start a new family. The intellectual aspect of marriage is still prominent in most weddings today. Asking both the bride and groom to affirm their vows is often considered the most important part of the ceremony. If they don’t say “I do,” there is no wedding.

Spiritual—Marriage is a very spiritual union. The verse about being unequally yoked with an unbeliever is a familiar one, and it applies to marriage. Choosing to be spiritually connected to an unbeliever could affect one’s own walk with God. Additionally, marriage is symbolic of our relationship with God, and having a wrong relationship in the marriage can be a reflection of a wrong relationship with God. A wrong marriage relationship can actually hinder prayers! Marriage can both affect and reflect our relationship with God because it is a spiritual bond. In contemporary wedding ceremonies this spiritual bond is recognized with the statement “what God has joined…” God joins a husband and wife in bond that goes beyond physical and emotional expression or intellectual decisions. This is the spiritual union that occurs.

Communal—I’ll bet about half of you skipped ahead to see whether or not I had gone off the deep end with this one, didn’t you? The truth is that marriage is never about two people formalizing their relationship all by themselves. The wedding ceremony always takes place with others present. Even in a visit to the Justice of the Peace witnesses are required. In the Bible, the community aspect of marriage is prominent. God is the witness to the first marriage since there were no other people around. Afterwards, the Bible assumes a familial involvement in the marriage. Weddings in the Bible are often accompanied by feasts such as the party at Cana. Additionally, Paul warns us that the way we relate to our spouses has an impact on our witness to non-believers. Though we live in an individualistic culture, we must remember that our actions impact other people, and marriage has a very strong impact on others around us.

Finally Brethren…

Marriage has a direct impact on every aspect of our humanity. It affects our physical being, our emotions, our minds, our spirits, and our other relationships. Many in this Post-Christian generation do not know the power of this bond because they have experienced marriage only in a partial way, if at all.

Neglecting one or many of these aspects, they enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. Desiring to fulfill only one or two of these aspects has led many to divorce, silent desperation, or the alternative lifestyles that some Christians are so quick to demonize. The pain of an unfulfilled marriage—a marriage that connects in some areas but is broken in others—is deep and lasting. Instead of adding condemnation to that pain, the church should seek to be a place of healing and celebration of the positive ways a biblical marriage can strengthen the whole person.

ninetyandnine.com

----------

Joshua Remington is an alumnus of Urshan Graduate School of Theology, and is currently serving as Discipleship Pastor at TurnPoint Church in Clermont, FL. He is also currently single, so if you disagree with anything he said use that fact as an excuse to ignore it.