From MK (Missionary Kid) to PK (Pastor's Kid): On the Field and In America

November 10, 2008

By Sonya Szabolcsi

My earliest and fondest memories go back to the days when I was growing up in Europe, mainly Hungary. Although the majority of them are positive, some are not so glittery, as I have also seen a world of hunger, poverty, homelessness, and hate, especially Eastern Europe. There is a rather unscientific observation one can make about Europe: the further east you travel, the more under-developed and less modern it is, and the opposite is true the further west you travel.

Because the only time we came back to the U.S. was to travel and not really live there, our mission country overseas became our home. It was the only thing that seemed stable and was time spent with “normal” living. We weren't hopping from church to church. We weren't in a car or RV doing schoolwork, and we didn't make friends and then never see them again. We made lasting friendships, we were able to go to school, and we were able to live in one non-moving home for several years, typically four to five years.

Huge Family Benefits

One thing I really loved about being an MK was that we were part of one seemingly large (yet actually small) family, the missionary family. Especially in Europe, all the missionaries knew each other. Part of that is because of the close proximity between the countries. The other part is that being a missionary usually means leaving your friends and family behind and not seeing them very often. Because of that, missionaries really connect with one another. Nobody truly understands the life, needs and experiences of a missionary like a fellow missionary does.

Being a missionary also means having a large extended network. You are constantly meeting new people, whether while in the U.S. or overseas. Traveling throughout many of the European countries allowed us to connect and build relationships even more with the other missionaries around us. We also had many choirs, AIMers, and evangelists come to Hungary. It was fun interacting with all of the different people that would come through.

The traveling we got to do while in Europe was a highlight for me. As an MK, traveling becomes a part of who you are and in a way it gets “in your blood.” Of course, you don't realize this until you stop traveling (something I'll discuss later). Some of the travel was for conferences and meetings, while some of it was simply for fun. I truly feel privileged to have gone to all of the places that I did. Again, at the time, especially just being a young girl, it didn't seem like anything out of the ordinary because it was something I grew up in. It wasn't until our family got out of missions when I was 12 that I realized the kind of life we left behind.

The next portion of my life was spent learning a whole new lifestyle, one that was opposite in every way. I became a PK.

The Big Switch

Although being a PK is also ministry-based, it's a completely different lifestyle. We landed in Belleville, IL in the Metro East area of St. Louis when I was about 13. I learned what it was like living in one place for many years and hardly traveling. I also didn't realize how un-American I was until I was able to spend some time around the people and noticed just how vastly different we MKs were. We seemed to be behind in everything, whether it was our clothes, music, movies, or just common American knowledge/practice.

I was born in this country and was familiar with it based on my memories as a young child, but I still felt like a foreigner. I felt that the only thing I had in common with this “new” land was that I spoke the same language. Needless to say, I experienced many embarrassing moments of people looking at me wide-eyed exclaiming, “What? You never heard of…!?” Those moments would eventually lessen as I quickly learned things that I should've already known; however, my life as a PK would only seem to get more hectic as time went by.

The Perfect PK Syndrome

Besides going through culture shock, I also began to understand what it meant to be a PK. I started to notice that people treated me differently because I was the pastor's daughter. I also came to understand that though some people did not know my name, they always seemed to at least know that I was the pastor's daughter. I became a role model simply because of my so-called status. I felt an overwhelming pressure to act a certain way and go the extra mile so that I would set a good example for all.

Even now, when people find out I'm a PK, many automatically place me on a pedestal and expect me to pray five times a day, only watch G-rated movies, and just be all-out super-spiritual and super-holy. Of course I'm exaggerating a bit, but . . . I never knew these kinds of expectations were real until I became a PK. I also learned quickly that I could never have a truly private life. Living next to the church for seven years not only revealed that fact, but also intensified it. It is a reality that I call the “glass-house” phenomenon. Put plainly, it means that your life is an open book.

Let's Pause and Breathe

So far life as a PK sounds all dark and gloomy, but it really isn't, I promise! Remember, I'm telling all this based on my beginning experiences as a new PK switching from an MK lifestyle.

I was also a young teen at the time, a vulnerable and impressionable time in a person's life. So my story may sound much different than those who grew up their entire lives as a PK. Next week, I will give you the rest of my experiences as a PK, as well as an MK while in the U.S. on deputation.

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Sonya Szabolcsi is a soon-to-be full-time student at Webster University in St. Louis, majoring in International Relations. Besides working part-time at Aeropostle, she's spends her time counting the days she has left until she finally graduates! She's got a heart for God, a heart for ministry, and a heart for whatever else God decides to put in it.