June 14, 2004 - Dear Gabby

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June 14, 2004

Dear Gabby,

I went to Bible College for a couple of years, and now I’m at the end of my junior year in secular college. I have never been more burnt out in my life.

I’m living at home and working part time to save money, and I feel like I am getting nowhere. I know I should be looking at the big picture, but it just feels like I’m running in place. For one thing, I’m not dating, my social life has gone down the drain, and now I’m having second thoughts about my major! I feel like I’ve done a lot just to please my parents and everyone else, and I’m second guessing every decision I’ve made thus far.

I’m thinking about making some major changes, but I’m not really sure. All of the classes I have left are really hard and I need to take summer classes to graduate on time. I don’t know if I should take time off school, quit, or just keep at it, but I’m afraid if I continue this summer I’m going to have my second nervous breakdown before I turn 23. I have always desired to work in ministry, and I always imagined that I would marry a preacher. It seems like my hopes and dreams are fading, and I’m turning cynical and resentful. Do you have any advice on what I should do?

Burned out in Baltimore

Dear Miss. Baltimore,

I can’t tell you how many times my sweet Mama said to me, in exasperation, “Hurry along, Gabby!” I wasn’t slow on purpose; I just enjoyed the nuances of everything I did. When I washed the dishes, I swirled the dishcloth this way and that, to see how the water and soap looked against the plate. When we washed clothes in our old wringer washer, I found it intensely interesting to watch the wringer squeezing the water out of each shirt and towel. I liked peeling potatoes – in designs. Sooner or later, the potato would be all peeled, but not before I’d peeled off the skin in stripes and plaids first.

Even my dear Harry, who was married to me for 52½ years, had to get used to my plodding ways. He’d be anxious to head out to church and I’d still be smoothing the quilt onto the bed, just so. And that’d be after I’d tried on a half dozen outfits, deciding that each wasn’t the right one, for one reason or another.

My sister Susannah was completely different from me. She wanted to experience every good thing life had to offer, and she wanted to do it now! And, as soon as she accomplished one thing, she was ready to go on to the next.

That’s how Susannah lived her whole life. She walked early, but didn’t walk long. I remember chasing after her when she ran toward the horses in the street when she was still in short skirts. She ran every day to school and she ran home. Once she finished school, she learned to drive our dad’s old Model T (which I never learned to do), but then, almost immediately, she was on to learning to fly planes. After that, it was just a couple of years before she got married and then died in a plane crash. Her entire life was just a mad dash to the end.

There’s something to be said, I guess, for hurrying through your life, but since I’ve lived almost an entire century, I’m not sure what the scuttle is all about. In my mind, there’s no particular reason to hurry.

My advice to you, Miss Baltimore, is to slow down and enjoy the process more. You mention graduating “in time.” In time for what? If you live for a century like me, what difference does it make if you graduate college at the age of 22 or 25?

Look around you. Rediscover joy. Take your classes and learn what there is to learn, not just for the sake of your degree, but also for the fun of learning new things that you’ll use the rest of your life.

If you take my advice, I predict that your frantic feelings of confusion and stress will be eased. Who knows? You might even live to be 100!

Sincerely Sincere,

Gabby

ninetyandnine.com

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Gabrigail VanBurden has been offering advice for longer than most of you have been alive. Email your practical Apostolic life questions to Gabby@ninetyandnine.com and be prepared for some straight answers!