9.20.2004

Chocolate, Laughter and Other Important Issues on the Job

I used to have a small candy jar on my desk at work. I did, that is, until Blonde Moment got hired and instantly recognized the modest attraction of my candy jar to the occasional visitor of our office. You have to understand something about Blonde Moment; she never does anything halfway. We now have four gallon sized jars of candy lining the top of our file cabinet.

The biggest jar holds the main attraction: every kind of chocolate candy bar you could ever want. We now get many more visitors to our office. We never have to pick up our own paperwork either; people are eager to use any excuse to drop by, particularly women. Of course, we get lonely in our little corner, so we welcome the company. However, there's just something about the presence of so much chocolate that affects people oddly. For one, it drives the truckers wild, which I'm not sure is a good thing. With women, chocolate has the effect of making them want to vent. I'm finding out that there's nothing like chocolate to get women all revved up to be totally honest.

Of course, we don't mind all these women venting to us, but sometimes it gets a little depressing. Therefore, Blonde Moment and I are discussing ways to make all our venters laugh a little. (Laughter is a huge priority for me; it's the only thing that keeps me from crying sometimes.) One solution we are discussing is to hang up a few signs and switch them around every now then. As a public service to you, my faithful readers, we thought we would make them available for your use as well. With a word processor and a printer, you can easily make these signs your own.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

When you work here, you can name your own salary. I named mine Sally.

It may be your sole purpose in life simply to serve as a warning to others.

When I die, I’d like to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I live in my own little world, but it’s okay. People know me here.

No one ever says, “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.

I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I must be perfect.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

I have enough money to last me for the rest of my life. Unless I buy something.

Taxation with representation ain’t much fun either!

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

To err is human. To forgive is against company policy.

Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

Instant Human: Just add coffee.

1955 – 1975: 36 Elvis movies. 1976 – 2004: Nothing.

If you run out of sick days, call in dead.

If thine enemy doth offend thee, giveth his child a drum.

Be alert! The world needs more lerts.

If you eat a frog in the morning, nothing as bad will happen to you for the rest of the day.

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 8:38 PM