Just a Little Bit Odd

First, a Blog. Now, a Book!

It seems like everyone is writing a book these days. Whether you have something to say or not, if you're a celebrity (especially an uninhibited and unapologetic one) you can find someone willing to publish every thought you've ever conceived. Consider the latest lit from such infamous notables as:

Former President Clinton. Ironic considering that old quote by Ronald Reagan, "Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book."

Pamela Anderson. Why do people feel the need to write about their careers once they’re over with? Don’t the words overkill and has-been ever occur to these people?

Paris Hilton. My first thought before perusing her book was that Paris needs to stick to posing for photographs and quit trying pretend she's in the same league as people with brain cells. However, believe it or not, Paris actually had some practical, easy-to-use advice to pass along: "Be born with perfect skin to millionaire parents, hire a bodyguard, wear lots of pink, and use men for accessories."

So now I'm thinking if all those people can write a book, then I can too. I figure the same people who buy their books will be too idiotic to realize they’ve never heard of me if I just make the dust jacket exciting enough. I can visualize it already . . .

• Her family's unrestrained, excessive abuse of teriyaki sauce! "My parents put it on everything," she admits!
• Two paragraphs of nothing but the most graphic, shocking details of every one of her love affairs! "Sock sizes and all," she promises!
• The traumatic death of Shedrick, her childhood hamster, and the lingering impact she still feels to this day! "My brother cried, my dad sang 'When That Long Line Forms' and I wrote, 'Poor ole Shed. He is dead. Joshua dropped him on his head' on the cardboard tombstone," she sobs!
• The real reason why she always covers up that fantastic bod of hers. "Too many moles," she confesses!
• Why she always runs stop signs. "They're for tourists," she protests!
• Her biggest turn-ons: "Pretty feet, muddy trucks, and Democratic political candidates!"

Plus, see exclusive, never-seen-before photos exposing her elbows, knees, and even toe cleavage!

All for only $24.95! Get yours today!

Throw a scantily-clad photo of me wearing an ankle length dress on the front cover and bam! I will be right up there with Hemingway, Shakespeare, and Kelley. Hey, if it worked for Paris, why not me?

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 1:27 AM