Just a Little Bit Depressing? A Convo About Singles
At the risk of beating a dead horse, I decided to post one last blog about singles. Today’s entry consists of an e-mail conversation between a single guy and me.
Single Guy
I sure am glad your blog woke me up into the real world. I always knew that there was a general view in Pentecost that one should be married before 21, but I never knew it was this bad. But, now . . . I know that unless I get a wedding band on before 25, I'll mutate into an alien blob with four heads and thirty three fingers. Nobody bothered to tell me before. Nope. Those awful marrieds at my church just treated me (and the rest of our many singles) as if I were just a part of the family. They allowed us to hang out with them and play with their kids and invite us over for dinner, and never treated us differently. We went to concerts and picnics and played basketball just like everything was ok. They were just going to accept me like I was, without a wife! Those scoundrels!
Whew that was a close call. But it’s good to know that the saints are interceding behind my back for me to get hitched before it’s everlasting too late. The pity they have on me is for my own good and I understand that now. The very thread of my humanity is at stake here, and we can't be joking around with this.
Seriously, I've never been more disturbed by being a single guy than I was after I read that today. How very depressing. But after some thought, I've come to realize that it's not that bad, at least not for me. I am blessed with a wonderful church full of great people who love me and accept me with all my faults, including my single state. I realize not everybody is in my shoes and there are many out there that are going through very serious trials over this. I'm not trying to downplay that at all, but for me, I'm not feeling quite the level of despair that I'm hearing.
Single Me
Well, this is a switch! :) It was you, after all, who wrote that the pressure is on for you (and others like you) to marry before you're "old enough to buy alcohol."
I'm glad things are better for you than you let on with that first e-mail, but you're right -- not everyone has as good an experience as you. Which makes me wonder if that isn't a throwback to the whole double standard thing -- single men are considered bachelors but women are called spinsters and old maids. I wonder if churches make it harder to be a single woman than a single man. That's something I had not considered before . . . thanks for your comments.
Single Guy
You're right, I started it. But I've thought a lot about this. The pressure is on for us to be married, but I'm thinking along the same lines as you. There's a double standard, in some ways, for men and women. Men have the pressure of "marrying instead of burning," while women are considered 'incomplete' without a man.
For example - when something is said to me, it is always in the context of "It's wrong to have sex before you get married. Get a wife."But for women, it's usually "You need a man to take care of you."
I guess the point of my email today is that, while I do know that the pressure is definitely on to get married quickly, I've never felt as deeply intense or desperate about it as some of your readers. Is this a guy vs. girl thing? Yes and I wouldn't mind exploring that more.
Single Me
I think you're absolutely right, and this is an interesting conversation. (Maybe I'll just post the whole thing on my blog!) Your comments make me think that singles are pressured equally, but for different reasons. Perhaps those who pressure singles stereotype men as having passions burning out of control, while stereotyping women as unable to function properly without a husband?
Is it possible we singles are also guilty of stereotyping those who pressure us to marry? Perhaps it's a just another by-product of the whole generation gap, with younger singles and older marrieds unable to understand each other. That's why I think we need a lot more discussion about these things, which I'm hoping my blog will prompt. And in doing so, I think it's only fair to showcase the argument from several perspectives.
Single Guy
My earliest memory of this pressure is when I was about 15. My Sunday School teacher (an older lady) said "You need to be planning on who you want to marry. A man of God needs to find a good wife and marry and have children."
Nothing was ever said about education, career, goals, ministry, or anything else - but a man of God was expected to have wife and kids.
It could very well be that the older generation, who did not have all the same opportunities as we have, think we should continue in this "style" of life in order to preserve something. In order to truly be fair, we would have to speak to someone older who is known for this type of thing. I wonder if Gabby could help? Anyway, this is great convo. Let's set up camp on the blog and pull it all out on the table.
Questions, comments, concerns? E-mail me! I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.
<< Home