Book Review - Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity
[Editor's Note: Wendy wrote this entry when she was dead tired. We hope it doesn't show too badly.]Before I get started thanking you all for the sweet good-byes and explain why I’m leaving, I promised Chantell of Where You Can Find Me that I’d take her up on her recommendation to read Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity from Lauren F. Winner and write a review of it for this blog.
I’m not finished with it yet, since I don’t have much free time to read nowadays, but I figure I’ve read enough to give it a decent review. Winner wrote this book after reading just about every book on the topic of sexuality from a Christian point of view and found them all lacking in one way or another. She set out to write a book she felt would do the topic justice from both a Biblical and realistic standpoint and did an outstanding job.
Today, while reading the things sinful sexual behaviors such as pornography teach us and mold our thinking in ways that are harmful, it occurred to me that this book should be required reading for every new convert seeking to transform his or her mind to a scriptural perspective. Winner really cuts to the heart of the matter showing how our thinking is flawed before we come to Christ, and how we should see ourselves, our bodies and our desires after we come to Christ.
Winner sees the concept of chastity as a discipline that plays out against the backdrop of an intentional community of believers who “make it their business” to keep couples accountable and on the right track. Such accountability stems not from nosiness or self-righteousness or the desire to control through the making of special rules to govern relationships, but from love and a close relationship. This is probably the most refreshing premise of the book, and much needed in the age we live in today. I really do think the church could do more and needs to do more to protect and support the chastity of its single sons and daughters, rather than expecting them to bare such burdens silently and alone. I have a few ideas for the practical application of that, and perhaps the book does as well. However, I haven’t made it far enough to find out, and besides such a discussion is secondary to this review, so I won’t go there at this time!
The only criticism I have of this book so far is the chapter where Winner makes it clear that sexual intercourse cannot lawfully be practiced outside the boundary of a marriage, but never really says why. So if you’re one of those people who don’t really care why we must be chaste, but are more concerned with how we must be chaste, then this an excellent book for you. If you are, like me, concerned equally with the why and how, then read this book for the how, but as for the why you’ll have to go elsewhere.
One thing that's great about Winner's how, however, is that she doesn't give any hard and fast rules -- she outlines the context of what healthy relationship should be about, then allows you to come to your own conclusions from there. For instance, she suggests that since a healthy relationship is based on love for God and love for one another, a person shouldn't ask "How far can I go with my boyfriend," but rather ask, "How can I show the love of God to my boyfriend? How can I respect and honor both God and my boyfriend?"
This book is written for Christians only; a secular audience wouldn’t agree with Winner’s basic premise. For a more secular, but no less logical persuasion of the virtue of chastity, I’d still recommend Wendy Shalit’s A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue. Reading and discussing this book with your worldly friends would be a good way to find common ground on which to approach them with the goodness of the gospel.
All in all, Real Sex is a slim, easy read and well worth the fifteen bucks I paid for it on Amazon, especially the chapters where Winner exposes the lies told by both the world and the church about sex. It’s also a definite encouragement for those of us who have moved past the chastity pledges of our teens and are dealing with the temptations the unmarried 20s, 30s, and 40s bring. I would really encourage both singles and leaders to get this book, read it, and begin an honest discussion.
(Extra: Read an article of the book here.)
Questions, comments, concerns? E-mail me! I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.
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