Just a Little Bit Odd

"So-Called Pentecostals" and Other Hell-Bound Folks

"I stood there and smiled while she went on and on. I can take verbal abuse; I played Little League. What frustrated me were the sadistic fantasies I had about tormenting Bonnie. At one point she asked me what I was going to do to fix the situation. "I don't know, slap you with a Bible," I wondered to myself. Then she wanted to know what she was supposed to do. "Go play in traffic."

I'm really not a violent person. More than anything I was furious at myself for the hatred toward Bonnie boiling over in my soul. I wish I could say is she the only cranky customer I ever have. The truth is, most of my day I spend trying to massage the egos of condescending suburbanites who spit on my very existence. It's enough to make a man an athiest. And we wonder why people think religion is a tool of oppression and hatred. We treat our dogs better than our own Christian brothers and sisters. Glory, glory hallelujah."

I had to laugh when I read that man's frustrated account of working in Christian retail and having to deal with "so-called Christians," mainly because it brings such a keen reminder of my friend Dimple's retail experiences with "so-called Apostolic/Pentecostals."

Dimples is a guy, and of course you can't tell a guy is A/P unless his wife, mother or girlfriend is with him. So being completely oblivious of his religious affiliation, other A/Ps would waltz in his store all the time and treat him like cr -- er, manure. "This one Pentecostal lady is the rudest customer of all!" he vented to me day. "So I finally got tired of it, and today I told her, 'You're Pentecostal, aren't you? Well, if all Pentecostals are as rude as you are, I'll never be Pentecostal!'"

"Dimples!" I was horrified. "You didn't really tell her that, did you?"

"No," he sighed. "But I wanted to."

To their credit, people from my church were always nice to him, he reports. Until he wanted to date me that is, because he's Pentecostal. In my tiny neck of the woods, independent Apostolics and UPC Pentecostals are not the same and never the twain shall meet, either. Indie Apostolics are the ultra-cons . . .
("You can always tell who's Apostolic," Dimples observed once, "because her hair is perfect.")

while the Pentecostals are going to hell . . .
("And you can always tell who's Pentecostal because her skirt is always split.")

according to us perfectly-coiffed, Freez-It sniffin' Apostolics. My brother and I are the only ones who have dared to date those compromising Pentecostals who are watering down the message and turning the grace of God into lasciviousness and sensuality with their videos and hierarchial organizations. (My brother and I are such rebels.) Dimples is the most pure, spiritually committed guy I know, while my brother's girlfriend, a girl I'll call Nurse Roses, is a soft-spoken beauty who never forgets anyone's birthday. It's just too bad they're going to hell.

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 4:31 PM   

Wanted: Romance (Alive, not Dead)

Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that I don’t consider myself a relationship expert. What you’re getting today is the result of only 24 years of observation and experience; my opinions – and I stress that they are nothing but opinions – may be quite different 24 more years from now as I become older and wiser. If you disagree with me or feel you have something to add, please e-mail me! I always enjoy hearing from you! Okay, let’s get down to business . . .

In my pursuit of hipness and coolness and trying to become the epitome of the modern Apostolic woman, romance was one thing I left in the dust. To me it was sappy, unrealistic, and so last century. I felt nothing but contempt for the girls who wrote "I Heart So-and-So" on every available writing surface and wanted their boyfriends to send them flowers. Modern society, for the most part, had rejected romance, and so did I. Modern society expected women to be as cool and as tough as men, and so did I. What I didn’t realize was that, really, I was ashamed of being womanly.

My façade crumbled when I read (non-Christian) Wendy Shalit’s A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue several months ago (a stunningly brilliant, highly recommended book, by the way). In this book, and especially in a chapter entitled "Against the Curing of Womanhood" Shalit explains that although society wants to Prozac away everything feminine about women, it is truly okay to be emotional, to be sensitive, to desire romance. Basically, the book restored to me what I had hidden and tried to deny for so long.

After reading that book, I ready to embrace and celebrate romance with every feminine bone in my body. Ready, that is, until I realized I still lived in a world that didn’t place a high priority on romance, a world that sneered at emotional attachment as much as I once did, a world that infected most Apostolic guys I knew with a similar viewpoint. I’m still living in that world, but I have hope that one day I will stumble across an exception . . .

Romance: What it Is and What it Isn't
There’s a lot of myths about what romance is, so first let’s discuss what romance isn’t. Romance doesn’t involve a whole lot of kissing or other physical involvement. In fact, with pre-marital romance, the less of that stuff the better. About a year ago, God convicted me of the casual kissing my crush and I engaged in. Difficult as it was, we stopped kissing, and as time went on, I was surprised at how much more romantic our relationship became. The little things were magnified – the texture of my hair under his fingers, the crinkle in his eyes when he smiled at me. That was a huge lesson for me – that physical restraint allows romance to prosper.

Romance also doesn’t involve spending a whole lot of money. I know many girls whose ideal date drops plenty of cash for whatever she wants. Not me. I figure if the guy has a lot of dough, it doesn’t take much effort on his behalf to plunk it down anytime I flutter my eyelashes. And if he doesn’t have much, expecting him to spend a lot of money on me is just plain shallow. Although romance does include asking a girl out and paying for her meal (it’s a matter of male pride, so all you Dutch-loving girls, don’t fight it!), keep in the mind the best dates are the ones that don’t cost a whole lot. Picnics at the park, watching meteor showers at the beach, eating ice cream at the fair -- things like that come to mind when I think of the best kind of dates that don't cost a whole lot.

Which bring us to the subject of what romance is: romance is godly; romance is time; romance is effort; romance is inconvenient; romance is thoughtful; romance is courteous; romance is innocent; romance is pure.

God is the most hopeless romantic there is – that’s godly. As humans made in His image, we are hardwired to desire and pursue romance. Romance is long talks, long walks, a lot of time spent getting to know each other – that’s time. Romance is planning a picnic for two in the park or any other activity designed to make the person of your dreams feel special – that’s effort. Romance is taking an hour off from work in the middle of the afternoon to go pick him up and bring him home because his car broke down, he’s stranded, and no one he called showed up – that’s inconvenience. Romance is coming across your girlfriend’s grocery list and going shopping for her without her asking – that’s thoughtful. Romance is "please," "thank-you," and building each other up in front of others – that’s courtesy. Romance is the guy who trembles when you get a little too close – that’s innocence. Romance is the girl or guy who gently tells you "no" – that’s purity.

Romance is also considerate, fun, honest, and sincere. Above all romance is lasting; it doesn't -- or shouldn't -- disappear until "death do us part."

So Where's All the Romance?
All you girls – think back to your last date. Did he call you up, ask you out and then ask where you’d like to go? Yeah, I thought so. He didn’t have anything special planned, did he? How many of your dates consist of going to Chile’s, the Olive Garden, Applebees, and then Chiles again? What’s that – you’re just glad he asked you out at all because no one hardly formally "dates" at all anymore? Mm-hmmm.

I have a friend who was proposed to at Sonic. Yes, Sonic, America’s Drive-In. I have another friend who wouldn’t mind being proposed to in Wal-Mart, for pete’s sake, if he would just do it, dagnabbit! I have yet another friend who grew so tired of waiting that she asked him if he intended to marry her any time soon because if not she wasn’t going to wait around much longer. So what's up with guys nowadays; how come so few of them are romantic?

I think it’s because we women don’t expect it. Expecting it would be too hard, and we’re not willing to wait around that long. In fact, most of us girls are doing all the pursuing these days! When women become the initiators and men become the passive recipients, well, that doesn’t lead to romance at all, in my opinion. It’s still the guys’ job to bear the entire burden of pursuing the girl and possibly risking rejection.

So what do you think? What does the dating scene look like to all you single Apostolics out there? Does it look good to you, or does it need to change? If so, how would you like it to change? Have I hit the nail on the head, or am I way off base? Write me and tell me what you think; I’ll post your answers (anonymously, of course) in a future entry. It’ll be like my own little "Apostolic Romance" survey, and it’ll be very interesting to get a "big picture" look at what it's really like out there!

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 8:15 PM   

Hooking Up -- A Breakdown

In reference to the friend who prompted this post, one of my readers wrote me and said, "That bumpkin has much to learn about the fairer sex that is womanhood." My poor, sweet friend -- he probably has no idea a stranger in another state just called him a bumpkin. However, if the definition of a bumpkin means being clueless about "the fairer sex that is womanhood" then there are a lot of bumpkins in this world.

What Hooking Up Really Means
My friend is no different from most young people out there; he was merely using a phrase that is common and accepted in today’s culture. And I’m not talking about culture in general – I’m talking about Apostolic culture. While the term "hooking up" in the world is synonymous with "having sex," we Apostolics have adjusted its meaning slightly to compensate for the fact that fornication isn’t a common occurrence among our youth (although it happens more often than we realize or would like to admit).

I’m not sure most young people are aware of the insult that lies behind the term hooking up. I know I wasn’t; it just became part of our language, and we applied our own semantics to it. Ironically, my friend probably even meant his comment as a compliment! Thus, when Apostolics use the term hooking up, it can have several different meanings (hence my confusion as to what my friend was suggesting).

Sometimes the phrase is completely harmless: "So, are you guys gonna hook up?"
Translation: "Are you two going to start dating each other exclusively?"

Sometimes the word doesn't apply to guy/girl relationships at all: "You got the hook-up tonight?"
Translation: "Did you find out where the party is going to be tonight?"

Sometimes the phrase is used in place of the word date: “Yeah, me and Tom are gonna hook up tonight for dinner at Chile’s.”
Translation: “Tom and I are going out on a date to Chile's tonight.

Sometimes the phrase means something a little more sinister: "So, did y'all hook up last night?"
Translation: "So, did you two make out last night?"
(FYI: A couple need not have a commitment with one another to kiss or do anything else physical.)

I’m not saying any of the above is good or bad, I’m merely stating what have been my experiences and/or observations on the Apostolic dating scene. So, which of the above was my friend referring to? Who knows? Who cares? My point was that I’m very leery of surrendering my time, affection and emotions (such messy, messy things) to a guy who hasn’t gone to a lot of trouble to convince me he’s worth it.

That wasn’t so for me several years ago, nor is it so with many girls on the dating scene today. We make it so easy; all a guy –- a lot of times it might be the girl instead! -- is required to do is show a little interest, maybe ask a question or two and bam! A hook-up occurs. That's acceptable to me in certain situations, like at conferences or youth meetings when there's no time for anything but a get-to-know-you date or two. Casual coupling up doesn’t work for the long-term though; there’s no place in hooking up for courtship, romance, or anything else that builds a foundation for a lasting relationship. Then, when it’s over, one party is left wondering why the other party didn’t appreciate him/her.

There's a Bunch of Bumpkins Out There
I still agree with the bumpkin observation made by my astute reader, but I have one thing to add: It has been my observation that most guys – Apostolic or otherwise – have no clue how women really want to be treated and dated. In fact, I don’t even think girls know, so in that case, how can we expect guys to know? Oh, we girls think we know, but all too often we settle for so much less than we should. I’ll elaborate tomorrow.

Tomorrow: Is romance dead? If not, what constitutes modern-day romance?

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 9:38 PM   

Using the "F" Word

This week's edition of ninetyandnine features the answers to last week's Big Question about cursing. In honor of that, I wanted to inform you of the eleven times in history when using the "F" word was perfectly justified.

1. "What the flip do you mean, we’re sinking?" -- Capt. EJ. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912
2. "What the flip was that?" -- Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945
3. "Where did all those flipping Indians come from?" -- Custer, 1877
4. "Any flipping idiot could understand that." -- Einstein, 1938
5. "It does so flipping look like her!" -- Picasso, 1926
6. "How the flip did you work that out?" -- Pythagoras, 126 BC
7. "You want what on the flipping ceiling?" -- Michelangelo, 1566
8. "Where the flip are we?" -- Amelia Earhart, 1937
9. "Scattered flipping showers, yeah right!" -- Noah, 4314 BC
10. "Aw c'mon. Who the flip is going to find out?" -- Bill Clinton, 1998 and finally . . .
11. "Man, I didn't think they'd get this flipping mad!" -- Saddam Hussein, 2003

By the way, I didn't make these up. I'm not going to reveal my source for the joke above because I might use that source again. So if you tell these to anyone, just don't give me credit because I don't deserve it!

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 7:34 PM   

Relationship Woes

The other day I ran across an old friend I hadn’t seen in several weeks and hadn’t hung out with in an even longer time than that. We began updating each other on our lives and somehow the conversation found us joking about our dismal love lives. All of a sudden, he suggested, "You should hook up with me."

I was a little shocked. I didn’t know what to say, so I just smiled, changed the subject, and eventually made an excuse to leave. The more I thought about his statement later, the more it bothered me. Was I so out of touch with today’s Apostolic dating scene that I was unaware of how things are done nowadays? What does hooking up really mean, anyway? Does it involve making out, a simple date, any kind of commitment, exclusive dating? What was he asking for with his suggestion? The guy is a sincerely sweet one; I know he meant nothing insulting, but why did I feel so disrespected, as if he’d just made an indecent proposal?

Was I hopelessly old-fashioned in wanting to be wined and dined, pursued and persuaded, convinced and cajoled? Was I naïve in hoping some ardent suitor would actually put time, thought and effort into "winning my heart" with impromptu picnics, wildflowers and cheesy but sweet little gifts? Or are modern girls just expected to acquiesce to an easy suggestion with no hope of ever receiving these things? And if I really am hopelessly old-fashioned, do I really want to adopt modern dating methods? Will my foolish schoolgirl notions condemn me to a life of permanent spinsterhood?

Lest you think I read too many romance novels, let me assure you that I find them insipid and sappy. Yet I can’t help feeling that we’ve lost something precious somehow, by reducing dating and relating to cold suggestions and complicated games. Consider, if you will, the origin of the term hook-up -- a tract advocating "open" marriages:

"So there you are, a person, a particular identity, with your unique pattern of hook-up points. And there next to you is your mate with his own particular identity and his own unique pattern of hook-up points. You become joined together because you find that numerous, perhaps even a majority, of your hook-up points match. You grew up together, you speak the same language, have the same values . . . but however many hook-up points you share, there will be others that you do not, simply because you are unique individuals . . . Whether they are actually needs that your mate cannot meet to stimulate further growth, they are part of you. And if they are not used, if they remain untouched, unvalidated or unfulfilled, they will become brittle from disuse. Eventually, to continue the image of these hook-up points as external antennae, they will become so deadened that they will simply drop off, making you a diminished person with fewer and fewer points of contact. These lost hook-up points leave you less of a unique person, less than you once were or could in the future be. If one of these hook-up points has roots deeply imbedded in your personality, stemming from a major need, it may be impossible to simply shed it like a porcupine’s quill. Instead it will fester where it is . . . In our closed marriages, we allow only those hook-up points that match those of the mate to be fulfilled."*

posted by Wendy @ 9:54 PM   

Odds 'n' Ends

Dear Dave, Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow . . .
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Oh, say it ain't so! Dave Barry is quitting the column? Will somebody tell me how I'm supposed to go on living without his column in every Sunday paper? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

My Neighbors Have Weird Neighbors
I arrived home from church tonight about the time my parents were turning into the driveway. Of course, I just had to block their entrance into the garage by doing a little jig for their amusement in front of the car. While my parents were sighing deeply and wondering how they'd managed to raise such a weirdo, my Sunshine was in the back seat, alarmed. "Don't run over my Mommy!" she exclaimed. "She won't look good squashed!" But I'm thinking any change would be an improvement . . .

This Could be Interesting
If any of my Ohio/Kentuckian readers check out this Creation Museum, be sure to let me know what you thought.

An Update
A few of my readers wondered about the outcome of this post. Well, my attorneys are still in the process of convincing the hard-nosed judge, who is known to be very pro-father (a plus in most cases), that what we are doing really is in the Booger Recycler's best interests. We hope he will make a decision this week.

And the Most Exciting News of All
Here's some really good news for all of you: God recently healed the 3 ft. Genius's Sunday School teacher of Krohn's Disease! It was a completely unexpected miracle; she went in for a routine check-up, and the doctor could find no trace of it, not even scar tissue! Halelujah! She testified tonight that this is the first time in 24 years that she's had completely pain-free days! Praise the Lord! We are all so happy and excited for her.

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 11:02 PM   

Cinnamon Girl

Speaking of pop culture, did anyone happen to see Prince's latest music video? I'm not much for music videos -- I find the posturing, arrogant men and unclad, rump-shaking women so blase -- but when I hear something's controversial, I just have to go check it out. I have a morbid fascination for controversy; plus, I'm just nosy.

Anyway, I have to commend Prince on the sheer beauty of the video. It looks like a painting. And as with all art, especially the esoteric or subjective pieces, I didn't quite get it. (I barely squeaked by in Art History too.) It was hard to grasp the point Prince was trying to make. Was it or was it not about a female suicide bomber? If so, yikes! No wonder it's controversial! In the video, it seems as if the "Cinnamon Girl" was harrassed for her beliefs after 9-11.

Whatever the video means, it makes me remember my friend Mariam, a Muslim girl I used to hang with between classes at college. She was so beautiful guys were always asking her out, but as she explained to me, "I can't date a guy unless he's Muslim, and even then my parents have to approve of him first." I didn't view college guys as potential dates, but it never occured to me that a "worldly" girl wouldn't either.

I asked her about Muslim guys. "There's not very many of them," she said, "and the ones who live around here, well, I wouldn't want to date them." Strange how much she and I had in common back then.

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 6:48 PM   

FYI: NFL, NBA, NHL, ETC

WARNING: The following entry contains lots of gender stereotyping!

Just so you know, 90&9 now has another new blog about sports. Of course, being the girlie girl that I am, I can't figure out much of what he's saying. However, I'm pretty sure anyone with much higher levels of testosterone than I will be able to translate.

As for you ladies, don't despair; we'll talk more about the NSL soon! NSL stands for National Shopping League, and if there isn't one, well, there oughta be. I don't know of anything that gets me sweatier, more hyped up or more emotional than things like Bargain Baseball, the Mad-Dash Mall Marathon, Outlet Olympics or the Super-Goodwill World Series XXXVIII, in all of which I strive to the champion. Even my favorite video game is called "Last Pair of $100 Manolo Blahniks II: Going for the Jugular."

Just call me the Wal-Mart Warrior. Rrrrrr.

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 10:54 PM   

Pentecostals in the News

If you're a statistics junkie, this article covering certain beliefs of different Christian ministers is for you. Pentecostal ministers are mentioned once, but the stats on them aren't surprising at all.

Meanwhile, this gutsy Pentecostal pastor deserves our respect and needs our prayers. It's possible that before too long, many of our own courageous pastors could be facing similar circumstances.

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 10:27 PM   

This Article Really Makes Me Mad!

I read somewhere recently that the founding fathers of our country would be bewildered to learn that today's government has interpreted the non-establishment clause in the Bill of Rights to mean a separation of church and state. I'm for the separation of church and state to the extent that I wouldn't want our government to establish a state religion, but taking it so far as to justify castigation against Christian beliefs is ridiculous.

Seems like some people need to go read the history books again; they seem to have forgotten that this great country wouldn't have existed if it weren't for a bunch of Christians who fought for liberty and wrote the very documents they are now using to call us "black-hearted" bigots.

And don't even get me started on that lily-livered John Kerry.

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 10:49 AM   

My Life (or Lack Thereof): An Update

I’ve got a date this Wednesday . . .
but it’s a court date and the final step in doing away with the paternal rights of my Golden Girl’s biological father. He isn’t enthusiastic about the idea, but it seems to beat paying child support. What my parents and I are hoping the judge will do is grant joint conservator-ship to my parents, which would confer to them parental rights if something were to happen to me. It will also free up the Little Snugglebunny for adoption by a second parent should I decide to pursue that route. Of course, my parents are bearing the brunt of a large portion of the legal fees, but being the long-suffering Christians they are, neither of them has said one word about my season of sin costing them hundreds of dollars in addition to the other intangible ways they pay every day. Of course, they don’t have to remind me of that because I do a great job on my own of never forgetting.

Another school term started again . . .
and 3D Modeling & Animation is eating my lunch. And my breakfast, and my dinner, and my midnight snack. Someone described the software I'm having to learn as "AutoCAD on crack." Oh, yippee. For the first project, we were required to create a scene with a few standard elements and modifiers. All the other students submitted wildly fantastic outer-spacescapes and ultra-mod futuristic living rooms. Yours truly submitted . . . a basement. An-agonizingly-constructed-over-two-days basement with pipes, a water heater, and some shelving with a few dishes. Yours truly is an optimist, and her optimism is telling her that the best she can probably hope for is to barely squeak by in this class. Yours truly hates barely squeaking by, but she is thankful that animation isn’t her calling. She also has a growing respect for those for whom it is.

Yours truly will now switch back to first-person mode . . .
to tell you that I’m currently reading another fantastic book I’m sure I’ll tell you all about shortly. In fact, it’s so fantastic I think I’ll write a review for 90&9 so all the losers I mean non-readers who don’t read this blog will see it too. Of course, that’s only if I can find the time and words to do it justice. So until we see each other again (I’m in a weird mood tonight), go check out this website. (Click on the letters to navigate.) I haven’t been so charmed since . . . since . . . oh, just go check it out.

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 9:04 PM   

Puppet Ministries: Cheesy or What?

Okay, all you faithful readers; I have a confession to make: I’ve always thought the idea of a puppet ministry sounded really cheesy. This weekend, however, I was proven So. Very. Wrong.

I Can Explain!
One thing about growing up in an independent Apostolic church is that neither my church nor any of its affiliated churches have ever had a puppet ministry. So having never seen a Pentecostal puppet presentation, I’ve always been a little biased against them. C'mon, puppets? It sounded so Sesame Street spiritual, too cutesy. How effective could it be? Of course, I’ve always withheld this opinion from Dimples, who is heavily involved with the puppet ministry at his church: "Alright girl, eat quick, ‘cause we’ve gotta cut this date short. I’ve got puppet practice at eight."

I'll Admit It: I've Been Known to Be Wrong Once or Twice
One of these days I’m going to stop pre-judging. Tonight, at a talent show fundraiser at Dimples’ church, I saw my first two Pentecostal puppet presentations (I just like writing that) about a little guy who prays for all the wrong things. Not only did I laugh so hard, but the Little Ball of Hyperactivity actually sat still and listened. Now, instead of being skeptical, I’m intrigued and scheming.

And It Would Be a Great PR Opportunity Too!
I know Dimples & Co. already perform at the local nursing homes, but what about the local women and children’s shelter? What about taking the act into any daycare or mother’s-day-out who will have them? What about Kid's Day at the fair or KidFest at the art museum? What about setting up shop at the mall during Christmastime near Santa’s Palace where all the kiddies (and their parents) are standing in lines a mile long? Hmmmmm . . . obviously Dimples and I need to talk! In the meantime, why don’t you write and tell me about your Puppet Ministry?

Extra! Extra! Check out this highly entertaining 90&9 article about one guy's puppet ministry experience.

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 10:39 PM   

Plan:Be Part B

Not Your Granny’s Southern Gospel
Without any further ado (mainly just because I can’t think of a catchy beginning) I will dive directly into the second half of my review of Plan:Be’s debut CD. From start to finish, whether you like the style of music or not, it’s obvious that Tony (guitar(s) and vocals), Travis (drummer) and Annette (bass) are very talented musicians, if not musical geniuses. Although most of music is better when played loud, the band proves they can be versatile when they want to thanks to

Could Your Republican Vote Increase Abortions?

If previous trends continue, it certainly could, implies this author, who lays the facts bare: Under the current administration abortions actually increased due to poor economic policies. Go check out the article; it’s a short, but thought-provoking read -- and it's a little sad too.

Tomorrow: Plan:Be Part B

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 10:28 PM   

Plan:Be Part A

I was a little nervous as I slid the CD into the stereo -- the kind of nervousness you feel when your best bud gets up to sing at conference, and you know that if she messes up you’re going to be just as embarrassed as she will. However, instead of a best bud being involved, I was about to listen for the first time to the CD of an Apostolic rock band known as Plan:Be. (Sounds familiar, no?) As these guys (plus one lovely female bass player) are "one of us," I really wanted to like them. In fact, I felt obligated to like them, but I knew that my Apostolic loyalty wouldn’t take me very far if they cranked out some really lame tunes. And seeing as how I was already conversing with drummer Travis Carter via e-mail who seemed like such a nice guy, it was really going to ruin my day if I had to give them the thumbs down.

My First Impression
I hit play on the stereo . . . there was short eternity as the disc revolved . . . and then my stereo exploded. I relaxed immediately. What I heard being cranked out over my really big speakers is often labeled "hard rock" by some, but is labeled "therapy" by me. Ahhh . . . . there’s nothing quite like unwinding after a big (undeserved) lecture from the boss’s boss at work than allowing pounding drums and screaming guitars to drive the memory of his unfounded accusations out of my head. Of course, since many hard rock bands carry a message I’d rather not have chiseled into my brain, I do not often indulge in this sort of therapy. Enter Plan:Be: the lyrical equivalent of low-fat Oreos – guilt-free. Their lyrics exhort me to Run to altar/Fight for the one you love (in the gritty "Run to the Altar") and Stay the course/Keep the faith/With no remorse/Stand up and say/I belong to the One that saved me/And I serve the One who forgave me (in the hard-hitting "I Belong").

"Once Again" (My Fav) and an Important Message
It’s especially comforting to know that the band practices what they preach. Of the song "Once Again," Travis says, "The end of the song which says Create in me a clean heart Oh, God/And renew a right spirit within me speaks the desire of my heart and proclaims where I want the position of Christ to be, no matter what people say." As with every well-written song, each listener of this song will come away with a difference perspective. For me, the lines Do I have to fit the frame/For you to see the work He’s done in me? speak of my efforts to resist becoming just another Apostolic "clone." Travis echoes the desires of my heart when he says, "For the churched, one of the greatest needs is to know the mind of Jesus Christ rather than know the mind of their church or denomination. They need to realize that the purpose of a Christian is to spread the light of Jesus Christ throughout their personal world. What can be unsettling for some, yet inspiring for others, is that there really isn’t any precise formula for doing that, other than to be in total agreement with God's Word. Too often, we are satisfied with the cloning process that tries to take place in some churches. Many times, leadership has personal preferences that have suffocated the joy of exploring what God really has the power to do. We need to go as far as our minds will take us and then let God take us beyond those limits." Amen to that!

posted by Wendy @ 9:46 PM   

Nothing But the Truth

Once again, the Bible withstands the scrutiny of history and logic. Of course, we never doubted it would!

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 10:51 PM   

Quote of the Day

This one comes from that fabulous feminist, Susan B. Anthony:

"Cautious, careful people always casting about to preserve their reputation or social standards never can bring about reform. Those who are really in earnest are willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathies with despised ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences."

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 8:14 AM   

A Conversation With God

Me: Hello, God.

God: Hello, Wendy.

Me: I love you. You know that, don’t you?

God: Of course! And I love you too, from the top of the 1,347,299 hairs on your head down to your teensy tiny toenails, even the one that’s ingrown.

Me: It’s ingrown?

God: You don’t know about it yet, but don’t worry. I’m keeping an eye on it.

Me: Thanks . . . Well, God, I’m a little down today.

God: I know; you’ve been sad for quite sometime now. I was wondering when you were going to tell me about it.

Me: It’s my friends . . . the minute disagreement and adversity come along, they’re so quick to dump years and years of friendship down the drain.

God: I know how you feel. People do that to me a lot too.

Me: And the guy across town I’m crushing on? He says he cares about me, but for all I hear from him, he could’ve shaved his head, become a Franciscan monk and taken a vow of silence!

God: You know, my fiancé acts the same way quite frequently. And when she does call me, it’s usually because she wants something . . .

Me: I try so hard, do so much, try to be so loyal . . . only to wind up feeling like a reject over and over again.

God: Hey, I know exactly how you feel.

Me: It hurts God. It hurts really badly.

God: Yes it does.

Me: I’m so thankful I still have you. What would I do without you?

God: Without me, you’d probably be roasting marshmallows with the devil right now. Hey, by the way, happy birthday.

Me: Thanks . . . and thanks for remembering.

God: If it makes you feel any better, Gabriel thinks you’re cute.

Me: Aw, how sweet . . .

God: Hey, I’m about to go visit the lonely old lady down the street. You wanna go with me?

Me: Sure, let’s go!

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 7:21 PM   

Listerine Pops and Other Items Somebody Should (Never) Invent

It was another day at the office, and we were all gathered around the chocolate bowl. Somehow the conversation worked its way around to items that serve double duty; you know, stuff like flashlights with clocks on them or pens that will also record a 30-second message. The conversation got crazy when someone mentioned a product satire on SNL featuring whipped cream that doubled as floor wax, and the chocolate just made things worse. Before long our sugar-fueled imaginations were churning out all sorts of potential double duty products. For your enjoyment, here are the best of them:

• Listerine Pops: Also known as mouthwash-on-a-stick, these are particularly popular at the fair for when you’re through devouring pork-kabobs-on-a-stick, sausage-on-a-stick, liver-n-onions-on-a-stick, etc.
• Edible Hiking Shoes: A must-have for the directionally-challenged male in your life, this item takes care of him the next time he gets lost in the woods. As long as he avoids the bears and the briars, he'll do just fine until he's rescued.
• Gatorade/Antifreeze: Also known as Radorgade, this drink will cool your engine in more ways than one!
• Toothpick Fork: Shovel it in and pick it out with one handy utensil!
• Pasta in a Can: If you like silly string, you’ll love this item! A must-have for the fun-loving party host!
• Egg-beater/Nose Hair Clipper: Get your own and don’t share. Otherwise, picking the remains of Uncle Howard’s grooming session out of your omelet would be beyond gross.

posted by Wendy @ 6:50 PM   

Happy Birthday, 90&9!

Ninetyandnine.com is celebrating its fifth birthday/anniversary today, and if you'll head over there (after you're done here, of course) you'll find that the staff has published their thoughts about where they've been and where they're heading. They've also re-published their very first edition, and after browsing through those not-so-ancient articles it occurred to me that they are just as relevant today as they were five years ago. That's one thing many authors of 90&9 articles have in common with classical writers -- that the subject matter transcends time and place to have an impact on anyone, anywhere. And you thought 90&9 was just a simple webzine!

In the same vein, I thought I'd reminisce a little about my experience with 90&9. Over a year ago, I was googling something (I don't remember what) when I came across this article. I was impressed -- a well-written article by an Apostolic? Surely I was witnessing a miracle! I just had to check out where it came from. Being the highly intelligent person that I am, I knew just a few moments later that I had stumbled across something really, really great. After exploring a little while, I found this article and was so touched that I immediately clicked the feedback link and pounded out my life's story. A second after submitting it, I felt really embarrassed. What was I thinking, writing such a dumb letter for millions to read?

From that day on, I became a faithful reader, but I never learned that first lesson very well; throughout the rest of the year I would often punish my keyboard writing a letter in a moment of passion, only to submit it and suffer self-induced humiliation when it was published. This was a cycle that repeated itself until I became immune to the red-faced syndrome and began to wonder what it would be like to have my thoughts published on a regular basis.

Shortly after Southampton began spitting out bytes of his wit and wisdom, I would often think, "Wouldn't it be cool to do that?" and -- believe it or not -- I'd compose fake blog entries in my head while driving around town. (You may take that to mean I didn't have a life, but looking back, I wonder if there's any chance I was a prophetess and didn't know it!) When 90&9 sent me an e-mail announcing their search for a female blogger, I stayed up past mid-night composing my contest entry, quivering with destiny, purpose and too much air conditioning.

Then the contest began, and I was the dumbest contestant of all. All the other girls were so cool, so smart, so polished that I just knew I didn't have Hitler's chance in heaven. I was so crushed. At the end of the contest, even when my mom casually dropped into conversation that "some guy named Curry" called, I figured it was just a courtesy call to say, "Thanks, but no thanks." Yet, for a minute there, I allowed myself to fantasize I had won and began bouncing on the couch, much to the amusement of my friend Dimples (so named because he has 'em, and I am a sucker for them). "Do you know what this could mean?" I asked him. "It means that thousands of people would be reading my thoughts on a daily basis!"

Dimple's eyes widened, and he said one word: "Uh-oh."

After a round or two of phone tag, I was finally talking to Kent Curry the Great. I was so nervous that I wrote all over the sleeve of my favorite t-shirt without realizing it. He was quick to announce the happy news, and the rest, for better or worse but probably worse, is history . . .

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 9:26 AM   

In The News . . .

"Social scientists have known for years that the moral foundations of children are generally determined by the time the individual reaches age nine . . . Anyone who wishes to have significant influence on the development of a person's moral and spiritual foundations had better exert that influence while the person is still young." This book review points out that perhaps the most important work of the church is accomplished by those who work with (or parent) children and youth.

"So if the Christian artists are making secular music and the secular artists are making Christian music . . . This has caused some confusion." I agree; Christian music is getting more and more confusing everyday.

"When we take missionaries in America and send them off to Papua New Guinea or any other place, the first thing that we do with those missionaries -- after we make sure that they're grounded in the Word -- is [to] introduce them to all of the negotiable aspects of a culture. And yet the one place we don't do that is when we teach people to evangelize their own culture." So how does this guy propose we evangelize our culture? By gathering Biblical lessons from movies, of course!

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 4:37 PM   

Validation for All You Working Women Out There

Hopefully, this article left you flabbergasted, offended or at least with a raised eyebrow or two. I know it left me scratching my head and thanking goodness we'd come so far in 60 years. I borrowed the article from my Human Relations class, where the other students and I were required to answer several discussion questions about it. Of course, it generated a lot of interesting comments, so I decided to post my favorites for you to enjoy.

• "WOW!!! I don't think that I was shocked to read the article because I know that there are a lot of men that are threatened by . . . successful women."
• "In my opinion, women are no different then men, and when a women works for me I treat her just like I do the male worker."
• Response to comment above: "You seem, like most, to think that women are no different than men when in actuality they are. To ignore that is unrealistic and useless. Women are equal to men, yes, but we are equal in different ways."
• "I think the first three instructions could be most used in a hostile work environment. They seem structured to "get the most out of women" rather than consider what's best for the women themselves . . . The third [instruction] is just downright insulting; it's demeaning to older working women, most of whom I know to be model employees and great examples for the rest of us."
• "These tips may have been appropriate in the early 1940's, but I think if a man actually believed these [in] this day in age, I would have to slug him. Okay, so maybe I wouldn't hit him, but women have worked really hard for equality; and the few remaining men, and women, who still think men are superior really irk me."
• "The problem with the article is that it is segregating a gender simply because they are that gender. I don't think it's about degrading women, but degrading the human race, because we all have worked so hard for equality and judgments based on our personalities or work ethics, instead of our gender, race, or religion."
• "I was shocked before I even read the "Tips." The title itself was funny. I say it’s funny because it was actually published. For someone to make such generalized statements about women, or anyone for that matter, is comical to me. I wonder if the guy who wrote that even had a mother. (She'd probably give him a kickin' if she read that.)"
• "We are taught that men are to be strong, thick skinned, good workers, [and] should stifle their emotions whenever possible. We are taught that women are frail, emotional, home-makers and child bearers (although I don’t see what’s frail about child bearing). Today I think the lines are much “grayer” than they ever have been. I know plenty of men that are emotional and frail, and I know quite a few women that are as tough as they come. Although our differences are not always bad. As a man I enjoy opening doors for my wife, taking care of the vehicles and house repairs. She, on the other hand, enjoys being treated this way; I know, I asked. It isn’t the differences that drive us apart; it’s the differences that bring us to together. We balance one another. I rely on her strengths were I’m weak and vice versa. If we were all the same, treated the same, expected the same from each other, and so on, what fun would that be?"

This one was my own personal favorite . . .

• "I agree completely! Women are psychologically fickle, emotionally distraught, and physically weak. Good business practices indicate that we should be sure to consistently compliment them on their looks, regardless of situation and timing. Remember, females in the workforce need constant reassurance to keep themselves from completely falling apart throughout the day. If you need an excellent way to say "good job!" to your female co-workers, try a firm, open palmed slap on the rump."

Questions, comments, concerns?
E-mail them to wscoggins@ninetyandnine.com.
I reserve the right to quote you unless you ask otherwise.

posted by Wendy @ 8:49 PM