Just a Little Bit Odd

Lee Ann is smack dab in the middle of the grim news that is Louisiana, so beginning Monday, her blog will probably contain all the sad details. However, today, for a few moments, we are taking a break from all the misery around us to celebrate her introduction to the blogosphere with a few questions designed for you to get to know her better, followed by of course, the traditional Blogger’s Vow and Blogger’s Prayer. (Traditional meaning we made it up right on the spot.)

So, in typical Just a Little Bit Odd style, let the festivities begin!

If Hollywood made a movie about your life, what songs would be on the soundtrack?

1. Darlene Zschech: Shout to the Lord (because the Duct Tape Lady is coming!)
2. Tim McGraw: Don’t Take Girl (to the padded cell, even if she needs to be there)
3. Willie Nelson: Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys (but if you do, I’m single . . . and searching. My phone number is 225-40 . . . on second thought, just refer to the final survey question.)
4. Vince Guaraldi Trio: The Charlie Brown Theme Song (because there will be times that the excitement of my life will be so overwhelming, we will need to reflect silently via lyric-less music)
5. Patsy Cline: Crazy (clearly)
6. Anne Murray: Time Don’t Run Out on Me (and God don’t come back yet ‘til I can tour all of Europe or get married and have a yard full of barefoot little rugrats or – even better – both)
7. I Wouldn’t Take Nothing For My Journey Now (in honor of the late great Vestal Goodman)
8. Israel Houghton: I Am a Friend of God (wow, that’s quite an assertion, but I sure hope so)
9. If Anybody Knows About the Grace of Jesus, I Do (seriously)

What’s the stupidest (yet funniest) thing you’ve ever done that you can tell us about?
So many stories, so little time . . . Still the top story would have to be incident #11 with my first car, lovingly referred to hereafter as “WandaHonda.” So one night about 4 years ago, I’m running late (huge surprise there) for something at church. I jump into my car and fly into reverse. I promise I checked the mirror, however the loud crunching noise shattered my confidence.

I get out and notice that I’ve backed into my dad’s flatbed trailer. WandaHonda’s trunk lid looks like crumpled aluminum foil or a paper airplane gone terribly bad. You have to understand that I like to think of myself as conservative and resourceful, but unfortunately that sometimes translates to illogically cheap.

So I talk to my grandfather, a former diesel mechanic and a brilliant – if eccentric – jack of all trades. We agree to meet at a junkyard, and after inspecting every single car on the premises, leave with the heartbreaking news that trunk lids for ’95 Civics are surprisingly rare.

Not to be outdone, we go home and start to work on the trunk ourselves. This consists of taking the trunk lid off, laying it out in the front yard, and mutely staring at it for several minutes. After an appropriate amount of silence, my grandfather turns it over and starts way-laying the underside of the trunk lid mercilessly with a sledge hammer. We do this repeatedly, but still can’t seem to un-crumple it.

After several rounds with the sledge hammer, my grandfather pauses and asks the cliffhanger question: “Is it okay if I really get at it?” Time stands still in my head as I pause and reflect over this question. Visions of former vehicles whose “re-engineered” ignition systems now include screwdrivers and spliced extension cords dance through my head along with the various pieces of buses, automobiles, lawnmowers, RVs, and otherwise unidentifiable mechanical objects in my grandfather’s back yard. But never one to be overcome by fear (or pay a full-blown body shop bill), I signal permission to “really get at it.”

My grandfather vanishes instantly and happily returns with a skill saw. With only minimal flying sparks, he quickly cuts out the metal lining of the trunk lid, leaving only the outer shell. “Now then,” he announces as if problem solved. Three to twelve more rounds with the sledge hammer recommence. Still imperfect results.

Finally my grandfather shares some body work theory: “Where there are stress lines, the metal needs relief so it can expand and stretch back.” Okay, sounds good to me. Well, somehow that equated into my grandfather and I punching upwards of thirty holes into the trunk lid of my car. The good news is that the theory was correct. With the holes, we were able to finally beat out most of the creases and crinkles. The bad news was, well . . . I had over 30 holes in my trunk. It looked like my car had been the victim of a drive-by shooting—multiple times. Never to worry, I grabbed a caulking gun and sealed off all the holes. And to take the cake, Dollar General red spray paint just so happens to be a very close shade to the ever-popular 1995 Honda Civic fire-engine red.

What sort of topics are you passionate (read: highly opinionated) about that we can expect to read about on your blog?

1. Duct tape (obviously)
2. The struggle to juggle all the areas of life (work, church, family, school, leisure—not necessarily in that order)
3. New ways to promote the gospel
4. Current events and how they affect the Christian world
5. Good books
6. More duct tape

If you were a cartoon or comic strip character, who would you be and why?
Kathy (before the wedding) with Garfield’s appetite and appreciation for sleep trapped in Dilbert’s work world.

How do you propose to handle all the marriage proposals you’ll get as a result of writing this blog?
In a twisted new version of the annual Sheaves For Christ fundraiser, all proposers will gather at the 2006 NAYC for a live auction. I will demonstrate my advanced duct tape skills and appreciation for bluegrass music, as well as my talent for comma placement. Live bidding will follow with the revenue from the winning bid (sure to be an enormously shocking amount) going to Sheaves for Christ (with a standard 10% finders fee going to ninetyandnine.com and a %5 service fee going to a little fund I like to call “Send Lee Ann to General Conference 2006 Penny Drive.”)

Repeat after me the Blogger’s Oath:
“I hereby vow to keep my feet clean in case they wind up in my mouth and to develop a taste for crow in case I must eat it one day. I hereby vow not to sharpen my sword against mine enemies and make shish kabobs of my critics. I hereby vow not to stir the pot of controversy unless I feel sincerely led by the Spirit to do otherwise, in which case I will sit and take a bath in it, by golly. And finally, contrary to what others may think, feel or see, I vow to take seriously my ministry to the Body of Christ and my sacred duty to ninetyandnine.com to edify, encourage and inform my readers at every opportunity.”

[Lee Ann]
Is it unusual that my computer neighbors are giving me the “don’t touch me, I’m scared of you look” right now? You were serious about repeating that out loud, right?

Please join me in praying the Blogger’s Prayer:
Heavenly Father, give me the grace to laud the worthy issues and the wit to skewer the ridiculous issues and the wisdom to know the difference because sometimes it’s really hard to tell which is which sometimes in this crazy world we live in nowadays. Amen.

[Lee Ann]
Praise the Lord, and pass the duct tape!

Wendy Here Again for the Last Time >sniff<
You guys, I’m not much for long, drawn out mushy good-byes in which lots of snot is exchanged and lots of tearful promises made, so I’ll just say one last thank you to ninetyandnine.com for the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to write for them and thanks to you for reading my thoughts as often as you did. It’s been great, it really has. May God be with you always!

posted by Wendy @ 9:31 AM   

posted by Wendy @ 9:14 AM