Elephants Fly, Grass is Orange, Haggard Heterosexual
Wait a minute...it's not April Fool's Day, yet! So who are we kidding here? After three weeks of counseling, Ted "brokeback" Haggard announces, after being caught with a male prostitute, that he is heterosexual after all. Sounds like the big red plastic button I've seen at work, that when you press it, goes, "That was easy!" I believe that there are other, similar statements made by folks caught with their proverbial (sometimes literal) pants down, to name a few:

1. I really will start taking flying lessons next week. -JFK, Jr.
2. I really am committed to my wife, Hillary. -Bill Clinton
3. I really am a good astronaut. -Lisa Nowak
4. I really am a peace-loving guy. -Osama Bin Laden
5. I really like female pages. -Mark Foley
6. I really was awake during the president's address. -Nancy Pelosi
7. When I returned, the car was gone. -Ted Kennedy
8. I really will make Bill mind his manners if I'm president. -Hillary C.
9. If I did it. -O.J. Simpson
10. These really are really, like real. - Brittney Spears