Valentine's Day is WEDNESDAY, GUYS!
Hey, if you're a guy, like me, then the earliest you'll think about Valentine's Day, VD for short, is Wednesday afternoon, around time to go home and face the wife, girlfriend, or whomever is the love in your life. Most of the chocolate stuff is way picked over by that time, so bite the bullet and buy one of those big expensive heart-boxes that none of the early buyers opted for. Flowers are always nice if delivered to her workplace, since all the other gals at work will be admiring the flowers their guy sent, while your lady sits miffed at the absence of flowers on her desk. I'm trying to save you all from major grief, so get your lame carcass into the store NOW and purchase that VD gift and card, using Strunk and Whites Guide to Writing to enable you to write appropriate sentiments inside the card. Otherwise, the couch may be comfortable after all. To rehash Stu's guide to Valentine's Day:

1. Buy your gift and card early (now).
2. If you forget, send flowers to her workplace.
3. Let it all be a surprise (don't hint around).
4. Getteth off thy hip.
5. Remember: it's all about her.