(War Memorial, Campus, Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University in Blacksburg, VA.)

Virginia Tech Back At Classes
From the snippets and rumors of last weeks catastrophe at Virginia Tech campus, I hereby relate to you, the causal reader, these facts. (For the expert reader who has devoted himself to souring every detail about it, I defer to the higher power: your intellect.) But here is my go:

• A raving lunatic shot and killed 33 people because they somehow offended him.
• The lunatic's family is very embarrassed by his actions.
• One of the victims was a Holocaust survivor.
• Other shooting victims did not die, but were hospitalized.
• The VT Marching Band played in the parking lot for those hospitalized folk.
• Those killed will be awarded posthumous degrees from VT.
  
• NBC suspends decorum and airs the lunatic's self-made video.
• Family and students are shocked by the airing of this video.
• NBC reverts to decorum, acknowledges that it was the worst mistake to air.
• All VT students may receive an automatic "C" grade for classes, if opting to.
• Classes resumed today, one week later.
• The crime, authorities suspect, was not President Bush's fault.
• Nor was it the University president's fault.
• It was the shooter's fault.