Bunch Bilges Blogger's Bono Bluff
My trite response to Mr. Bunch's Bono comments did not go unnoticed, so I hereby offer up my true and possibly valid opinion of Mr. Hewson. I was the first kid on the block to discover U2, cranking War on the stereo, beckoning curious listeners of this Irish/rock sound to my door. I later drove my rented Mini around the Ring of Kerry, Ireland while jamming to the new stars of rock-and-roll, driving between jagged cliffs overlooking the sea, sheep pastures, and foggy towns that seemed to exist in an earlier era of history.

A few years passed, and I dashed all my old music after going to the altar for the first time, leaving behind memories of a band that continued in the lights of stardom. There is a gap for a few years, then I happened across a copy of Rattle and Hum, which is a sort of stage seat at U2 concerts and backstage. My impression was that the band was the god, the audience the worshippers. After all, the music cannot be separated from the performance side of things. Bono shouting F this and F that at a concert made it plain that converting souls was not the objective.

Fast forward to one night at the firehouse where I worked, and Vh1 did an All U2 night. I wasn't aware of the Zooropa and Popmart Tour, nor the fact that they performed Sympathy for the Devil, the anthem of satanic influence in the music and era of the Rolling Stones. The message for me: we continue the work of earlier rock artists to create a spirit of party and rebellion. That's a bit far from "And now our work has just begun, to claim the victory Jesus won" (Sunday Bloody Sunday).

Now I admit I'm entranced by The Edge's incredible guitar work, and the solid feel of a four-man band who's stuck together all these years, producing hit after hit. But I agree with Mr. Bunch in that I must make my music choices and purchases carefully, I choose what I want to permeate my soul. Ay, there's the rub...to enjoy great music, but denying the power thereof. Is it possible?

Wife-Swapping Apostolic...Say WHAAAT?!?
My fair-haired editor has informed me today that on February 12, 2007, a dear sister of ourn will be on ABC's Wife-Swap program, has been taped already, and will hit the tube that evening! Read about it here and pray that folks's response to the show will result in good things. Stand by for a personal interview that the above mentioned editor is requesting from officials as we speak.

WW II Veteran (and Stu) Wins Millions
A World War II veteran hit the jackpot in Chesterfield, Missouri, a suburb of St. Louis, recently voted Most Dangerous City in the U.S., winning some 254 million dollars after buying a lottery ticket. This is justice, since all veterans of WWII should receive a gift of at least one million dollars for service rendered. But the question with lottery winners is whether or not the money will destroy the person, will the money cause them such a headache from newfound millionaire status that in the end they wish they had never won it.

Perhaps he can become a political activist the same as other new millionaires in Hollywood who can act and sing, but somehow this talent qualifies them to have important opinions in the political arena? I can assure you that the veteran definitely has some qualified opinions, political or otherwise, that could shut the mouths of screaming liberal protestors and radicals. And then there's the students.

What Happens to Lottery Winners?
I have read the statistics on lottery millionaires and the results are that most wind up bankrupt in a few years after collecting the winnings. I read of modern carpetbaggers of all shapes and sizes (—relatives included) —lying in wait in the attempt to extract money from new millionaires. I have my own strategy for winning millions, if the event ever happens, in which I will distribute my fortune to just causes. I plan to:

1. Pay tithes and offering (but of course).
2. Stay in my present home, but hire someone to clean out the gutters (2-story).
3. Pay for complete renovation of the Tupelo Children's Mansion and start similar works in all 50 states.
4. Match the current Foreign Missions annual budget, yearly.
5. Match/equal the yearly JW printing bill, give to WAP for research and development.
6. Build State-of-the Art Music recording studio, startup own recording label for Ap music.
7. Hire full-time staff of Home Mission construction workers.
8. Donate to private adoption/abortion prevention facilities nationwide.
9. Maintain current house bills, but hire personal trainer for wife and me.
10. Go on our second Disney Cruise.

That's a Millionaire Wrap
And that wraps it up for me. Of course, I would need the same sort of winnings that my WWII veteran won to accomplish this, in a lump sum without the decrease. But most of all, I would like to convince my father-in-law that he's already a millionaire in spirit, if he would only experience Acts 2:38.

Millions of dollars will not make me any happier than I am right now, but I have the potential to make others happy, who could then pay it forward in the current work they are doing for the Lord.

A Long Weekend
Well, the clean-up detail at Mom's house is complete, sort of, as my brother, sister, and I whittled down fifty some-odd years of collections and belongings accumulated. Then there was the attic, which was about five moderate size pickup loads-full, or you might say three heapin'-helpin' loads in a pickup truck. I'll ask Lee Ann about her version of pickup vs. pick-up, much like ductape vs. duct tape.

No Fuss, Please
Looks like most of the furniture was bestowed to me, though I chose to leave it there since Mom's husband decided to stay on, which I'm happy about. There were only a few tears and no arguments whatsoever as we set about furiously sorting and choosing what to keep, who would keep what, and what would be sold or tossed. I stated early in the process, weeks ago, that I would walk away from it all if arguments started. I've heard horror stories about families broken apart after a loved one died, all over possessions left behind. I chose not to let that happen.

Thanks For the Memories
I also believe that many of you did hold us up in prayer over the weekend, as I felt an incredible peace about it all. I realize that Mom did not live amongst her possessions, though each item in some way told her story. She was a meticulous record keeper, of bills, letters, meals eaten at holidays, and life. Life was kept first as written pages of longhand, begun when my brother became ill the summer after his high school graduation. She transposed it to MS Word files over the past years, known as "The Book" and as yet unpublished.

ebay Yard Sale?
I have a terrible cold today, and don't know if it's from breathing all the dust and mold over the weekend. We found some treasures, a few, and thinned out the rest. There will be a yard sale soon. Or maybe I should sell it all on ebay?

My Man Feddie Takes Aussie Open
Roger Federer wins (as I predicted in an earlier post) the Australian Open, this time without losing a set along the way. Stu, you may say, why are you getting worked up over a game like tennis when less than a week away millionaires will line up against each other and buffet themselves senseless so that Americans can have the opportunity to eat fattening foods and drink themselves into oblivion and talk about how "great" the commercials are? My answer is always, forsooth, that tennis is a game to be played, not to be watched. Comments?

Looking Back to 1904: St. Louis World's Fair
I found an old souvenir while cleaning out my mother's house recently, dividing up her stuff amongst three of us siblings, when I discovered an old coin. It's light, like silver, and has St. Louis World's Fair 1904 stamped on it. Looks like one of those machines at tourist attractions that stamps out a penny with a new inscription (perhaps a silver dollar was used instead?). The significance? Also stamped was: S.C. Davis...my great-grandfather.

So I google St Louis World's fair and find that it was a pretty big deal in 1904. Hopefully, some of my St. Louie brethren wil help me out here with some diatribe of their own about the Fair. So please check out the link and read about a true Modern Marvel that I would never have known about otherwise, had I not found the souvenir, and if my great-grandfather hadn't bugged the heck out of his parents to get that souvenir (He was four years old in 1904).

Oh, I just read more and found that the Olympics were held in St Louis in 1904, the first ever to be held in the United States of America! Get your history on!

I...Concur
...with Mr. Bunch on his latest comments on Paul Hewson (aka Bono). He stated:

"But Bono never offers an answer! And that is the key (the song "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" comes to mind). Bono asks the right questions but doesn't offer any answers. And that is a shame because the mass, worldwide appeal that he has gives him the opportunity to offer the hope of Christ to millions, maybe even billions. And it is an opportunity he misses."

-Ibid avec moi.

Stu's Moving & Storage
I'm heading out to S.C. to settle Mom's house stuff. My little brother and sister will be there also, taking care of this final loose end, and visiting with the still living husband. I've never done anything like this before, so please remember us in prayer. Or if in S.C., give a holler. Yee haa.

Shine Like the Moon
Okay, I've wasted nearly 20 minutes this AM searching for who sings the song I'm hearing all the time on my radio, the lyrics that go:

Lord let me shine, shine like the moon,
A reflection of you, wanna be used.

I give. If you know the artist, please comment. I'd appreciate that.

Read About Smalltown Clarkston, GA and 'Fugees

I will have good behavior on and off the field.
I will not smoke.
I will not do drugs.
I will not drink alcohol.
I will not get anyone pregnant.
I will not use bad language.
My hair will be shorter than Coach’s.
I will be on time.
I will listen to Coach.
I will try hard.
I will ask for help.
I want to be part of the Fugees!

Noosed on NY News
(artist: James Hutchison)

Clash pits hezbollah against rule in lebanon
8 arrested in nineteen-seventy-one
Move over silicon valley, here comes european startups
economics—what's a pound of prevention really worth
general says new strategy in iraq can work over time
sharapova's out of sorts, but in the semifines

(chorus)
ipod icar
i is not a star
don't know nothin
push a button
turn it on, turn it on
got a noose on de news

A radical step called assisted migration
dreamgirls leads in oscar nominatons
iraqi politicians say bush ideas not new
profit down, outlook up at yahoo

(chorus)
ipod icar
i is not a star
don't know nothin
push a button
turn it on, turn it on
got a noose on de news
got a noose on de news
got a noose on de new-hooze

Tennessee court orders return of girl
armenian-turkish unity at slain editor's funeral
editorial state of the union
strict vegan ethics, frosted with hedonism

what's it worth, these facts I read
with so many dying, left alone to bleed?

got a noose on de news
a noose on de news.

A Good Read For a Tuesday
Check out this incredible interview by a former Mennonite of the strictest order who, well, wandered into and Apostolic church service and the rest, so they say, is history.

Stu's Pick For Australian Grand Slam Champ:

Time For Ductape
When the pickins are slim, and there's no important news anywhere (Hillary who?), then for me it's time to take out a roll of ductape and go to work. Ask Lee Ann from last year's blog Duct tape, Dixie, and Me, and you'll see how an otherwise humdrum week beomes a regular breaking news week once the ductape is brought out and laid on the table. First, I never am sure whether it's ductape, duct tape, or duck tape since all three may be grammatically correct. In the past, ductape was used fo just that: taping ducts, air conditioning ducts, so that air wouldn't leak in ner out. But today there are endless possibilities for duct tape, the favorite of mine being the duct tape formal wear for prom night (see pic above).

Amaz[on]ing News On Swimming
Believe it now, a guy is going to swim the length of the Amazon River. Read about it here. Remember, you heard it first from Stu, and I'll be tracking his progress.

Random Thoughts

When someone else buys your lunch, it tastes better.

A cat who kills the chipmunk kills a bird the same day.

A friend in need...is a friend indeed (bf)

The garbage truck doesn't hesitate one second if your can ain't on the curb.

Gutters were invented by men who repair houses.

Gutters always clog up with leaves.

I'm ripping down my gutters.

If I ask a patient, "Do you smoke?" Don't answer "No, I quit yesterday."

I'm coining a new word: hystericalectomy.

Chick flicks are hazardous to marriage: guy meets girl, guy & girl jump in sack, guy&girl live happily ever after.

No one in chick flicks ever bleeds or smells bad or throws up or even burps.

If someone says they don't eat much...that's a good indication that they eat a lot.

In church, a good organist can bring the house down.

Whatever happened to testimony service?

Leaves will never do just that: leave.

I hate raking leaves.

I hate trees that shed leaves.

Well, okay, I do like trees.

How come wife rhymes with knife?

Babies only last for one year; after that they're toddlers (aka curtain climbers).

Developmental series a la stu:
0-1 year old: eats and poops, makes noises.
1-4 year old: eats stuff off floor, rules world.
5-9 year old: tears up toys, goes to school.
10-12 y/o: discovers most facts of life, not sure what to do about them.
13-19 y/o: sullen period of life—eats, grunts, lives in bedroom.
20-24 y/o: goes to school.
25- until: becomes productive member of society, works 40 hour workweek.

People who work at night are not sane most of the time.

Gas prices sho went down after Christmas.

Grass don't grow on a playground.

Been Super-Sized Lately?
WE were having a discussion last night, we being RN's in the ER, about the film of epic proportions, Super-Size Me. Funny, but several of the guys including me stated that it caused them to eat more Mickey D's food after watching it. Hmmm. The only restaurant in the hospital open all night and you don't have to go outside and forgot to bring lunch from home and it's raining so you don't want to go 'cross the street to Subway is: Mickey D's. So, we all eat the stuff on a regular basis. My weight hasn't increased yet, but I'd hate to see my arteries about now.

Another Main Reason I Never Hooked Cable Up:

Stand Up & Be Counted!!!

Complete the 2007 Demographic Survey @ ninetyandnine so we'll know where we stand, who you are, and what audience is reading this stuff. Otherwise, federal agents will monitor your house, tap your phone lines, and eavesdrop with audio/video surveillance equipment, but that would be too expensive. So PLEASE save us all some cash and fill out the survey today. Thanks!

Show Some Ap-ti-tude on APtube

Now's your chance, or should I say opportunity, to be a star by winning ninetyandnine.net's new contest for best short film, including a one-way ticket to the Most Dangerous City in the U.S.: St Louis, Missouri. Well, just kidding about that last part, but the cash prize for best short film from whatever cam you choose to shoot with is worth the effort to submit, up to 3 per person! So get on it and do it today.

Honky Tonk Piano Classical/Jazz here.
(Listen to Taste of Honey)

The Reason Why Stu Will Never Have Cable:

Stu's Night #2 of 4 in the ER this week
I had a total of 9 patients last night with a variety of ills such as abdominal pain, possible stroke, migraine headache, chest pain, and other items to numerous to mention. But all in all, t'was a good night including pizza at 0220 this morning. One of our docs had a Japanese doc shadow him last night, and we heard that in Japan the docs compete for patients in the ER because they receive commission for each patient treated. But I think the visiting doc was rather floored by the efficency of our grand operation otherwise known as the Emergency Center.

Trauma Patient Last Night!
There was a terrible trauma last night, guy got in a bad fight, had head and spine trauma, and coded (died). Thing is, he had a stripe down his back, fur, and was left uncovered on the bathroom mat upstairs after his untimely demise. Yep, it was Mr. Chipmunk, who finally lost his edge and succumbed to his wounds by Mr. Kitty. Far as I know, that's the first time Mr. Kitty caught Mr. Chipmunk. Services will be at 0900 today, as I empty Mr. Chipmunk into the green mausoleum with the wheels on it. Any condolences can be left here as a comment.

Cell Phone Catches Hotel On Fire!

Another NY Times Piece on Pentecostalism: Falling Away of the Young
Read about it now.

A British Perspective On Why Girls Don't Just Wanna Have Fun
A friend forwarded me this article written up in the Times, the London Times, by a former rock groupie who emphatically states that sex, for women, outside of marriage and/or a serious relationship is——get this——empty. The insight is bare-all honest, devoting much energy to the fact that casual sex for women is the loneliest feeling in the world. She states that the act elicits way too much emotion and bonding for a quick fling, and that it must be preserved for the one you want to devote yourself to. Excellent stuff from someone who felt intimidated by feminists to do her own thing, the writer stands up for herself, her feelings, and for women everywhere that have been swayed to believe that casual sex is liberating. She found out that it is quite destructive.

itube, utube, we all tube for AP tube
You can win cash and prizes today by entering in the FIRST EVER Aptube contest at ninetyandnine.net! Read all about it and get busy filming with vidcam, webcam, or phonecam today and submit your entry soon. Original entries only, so read all the info about entries and may the best tuber win!

NY Times Feature on Pentecostals, with Multi-Media!

Read this excellent feature article about store-front Pentecostals making a difference, doing the work of the Lord. Check it out here.

Book Review on How Christians are Trying to Take Over
As if that would be a bad idea? Believe it or not, the author of American Fascists: The Christian Right and the War on America believes Christianity should be outlawed because it exercises intolerance...in his opinion of course. This guy must have been Al Gore's roommate in college or something, since it reeks of Gore's statement in his global warming book, that Christians are not concerned about the nuclear issue because the Bible states that the world will be destroyed, therefore Christians just don't care. Huh?

"Early morning, April 4
Shot rings out in the Memphis sky
Free at last, they took your life
They could not take your pride."

-U2: Pride (In the Name of Love)

Alarming Evidence That Folks Don't Get Along
In this article, I read where Harvard professor Robert D. Putnam published his latest findings—which he felt were almost inflammatory—that there is less trust in multi-cultural communities. Ho Ho! Alarming, my foot! What is really a simple fact to me and to any Bible-reading Joe, that we don't get along because all have sinned and come short, is a surprise to this obviously humanistic poly sci prof from Boston. Man is not inherently good, and when the humanist does his homework, he feels that the answer is somehow inflammatory, that people are not good as once believed.

Culture Clash
But the second issue, that of culture clash, is one area that television and textbooks want to ram down the American throat. Don't get your feelings hurt just because I don't like your style of cooking, dress, or conversation: I was raised by parents of English descent. And likewise, I won't force my culture on you either—I will respect your culture, but I don't have to join it.

Come Together
Humanists definitely have a problem when it comes to the Apostolic Church. They flat refuse to see that folks from all cultures can worship together in one spirit, one spiritual community, without having to to move in together, or else shake off all previous norms and mores of one's personal upbringing. That just confuses the heck out of Humanists. The author of the article pointed out later that folks will come together sometimes for the common good of say, fighting a World War, but only while there was a common cause and purpose that seems noble.

Airdrop Apostolics
I could rant on about the pitfall of humanism, but let me say here that the issue of trust is not always the bottom line. The Harvard prof went hunting Trust and found it lacking in America, especially in large cities such as Los Angeles where multiculturalism abounds. But we can airdrop an Apostolic missionary & wife & kids in any culture on any continent, and in a few months have a thriving little community known as the Church, the Ecclesia: called out ones.

Stu Does Trauma
Friday night I was working my fourth night in a row, and got ordered in to an incoming trauma: man crushed under car. In three minutes medics roll in this big guy who had been working under his car, which was sitting on concrete blocks or bricks, or something that fell anyway. Trauma codes aren't usually successful, and Charge Nurse knew that but needed a teaching experience for us newbie RN's. The surgery residents pretty much called it soon as the patient rolled in, but we went to work, shot him with meds and fluids, and the guy came back. Meaning his pulse returned, heart started beating again, but the poor fellow was basically brain-dead from the crush injury. Took him to CT then back to Level 1 as an in-patient, the family was called in to see him, leaving crying.

I thought about all the times I've been under a car or my buds have, without proper jacking devices. I thought about the time as a fireman, I responded to this same type situation, we got there quick and lifted the car up and the guy underneath scurries out like a fiddler crab. I see how amazing it is to see someone revived from death, see a pulse return, a heart start beating again. I went and looked at the guy later and wondered what he was thinking when the car fell, what he would do differently if there were a next time.

But then, there wasn't much time for reflection because more patients were arriving: guy kicked in face by horse, woman hit tree head-on while riding home with "new" friend from the club, and young guy with new onset of nausea. Trauma Drama: read about it here, on House Calls. Operators are standing by.

Stu's Church Website of the Week Jan 14-20
Congratulations to the friendly folk in Lafayette, Louisiana (pronounced looz-yanner by locals) who have a user-friendly, friendly feeling website. It's easy to steer through, has great photos from various events plus a mission trip to some foreign (pronounced furrn by locals) country where women playing paintball is big—a Slavik country, I believe. My favorite part of this website is the pastor* wearing hawaiian shirt photo on the opening screen talking candidly, it appears. Second favorite is the Beliefs of Landmark Lafayette page, very brief and does not include a lengthy synopsis of why Nicea is all wrong...BRAVO! If I wanted to meet Jesus today, I would definitely head to LL. Congrats for being Stu's church website of the week!

*I listened to pastor's sermon free download, Keep On Walking...excellent.

Check out: A Month in the Life TODAY

Stu's Soliloquy
So stu, you may ask, what gives with the lackness of blogging thereof? I ask myself the same question, O Faithful Reader of House Calls. The main reason I lack is because it is morning, I've been up for the last 12 hours at work, night shift, and my brain is tired. But last night was great, helped patients with various meds and in getting admitted and upstairs to make way for: the next patient. My bud (RN) I'll call "T" is from Nigeria, and we see eye-to-eye on most Emergency Room issues, from slack employees to rediculous policy to crazy patients.

I did read this AM at NYTimes that there is a fiction contest, with contestants submitting manuscripts online, sort of a thinking man's youtube. The prize is a book contract and $5k. Too bad I'm not much of a fiction writer, but maybe you are, so check it out.

I'd guess the biggest mistake folks make when pondering the work of an ER nurse, and RN that is, is thinking that we are always wizzing some trauma patient down the hall on a gurney, spouting out a trail of medical terminology to the doctor, enroute to surgery. That's because we have about 1% of that kind of stuff. The other 99% is abdominal pain, bleeding from different orifices, headaches, chest pain, and poor health in general from a lifetime of smoking and drinking alcohol. One blogger I read stated that patients should have to wait one hour in the waiting room for each year they have smoked or drank. Sounds reasonable.

SO now I bid y'all goodnight, and please read a Month In the Life today for an inside look at a Bible professor's life teaching students who, well, swim in puddles.

Human Catapult. Why Not?
I happened across this video of a human catapult, a guy of course, trying to set a new record. The old record is 450 some-odd feet. Into the Air. With nothing but a parachute to slow his ascent back to earth. Which goes to show you that guys never grow up. So don't try to make us, ladies.

World's Greatest Whistler?
A good friend turned me on to this site featuring the World's Greatest Whistler when I didn't even realize such a contest and award existed in the first place. First thing: I think I'll enter next year because I'm a whistlin' fool. But my wife hates whistling, gives her some terrible headache, she says. So I whistle all the other times when we're not together. Who knows...there may be a future for me in whistling.*

*Call ahead for advance bookings.

Look at the next post...I'll be waiting.

I Defer to the Higher Power

For today, I offer you the blog of a Certified Bible Scholar® who entertains and teaches in one motion. He's the special guest on the Month in the Life blog at ninetyandnine.net and is worth a read. Due to technical difficulties the blog can only be accessed here and one other location for now. SO what are you waiting for? Click the link above, pour that second cup of steamin' hot java, and read.

What-Where-Why-When-How are ya?
Please take a moment and take our survey on who the heck is everybody reading out there. It's the ninetyandnine.net annual Demographic Survey, so cruise over and take it today. Results will be posted soon. Thanks!

Stu's 2007 Quiz To Get You Fired Up For Day 1 Classes
Now that the holidays are over, the New Year has started, and you look down and realize that the 12 pounds worth of Christmas goodies are now attached to your waist like a flesh-colored life preserver, it's time to think. Think of these questions, and answer to the best of your ability. Use only a #2 pencil. No points will be deducted for wrong answers. Some points will be added for correct answers and...NO NO NO—that's the way the SAT is graded! Sorry. So here goes.

1. Who invented the internet?
a. The Pentagon
b. Bill "Buffet"Gates
c. Larry Bud Melman
d. Al Gore

2. Who lost the U.S.Presidential election in 2000?
a. Jeb Bush
b. Grover Cleveland
c. Cookie Monster
d. Al Gore

3. After he grew a beard, who was mistaken at times for Osama Bin Laden?
a. Johnny Depp
b. Sandra Day O'Connor
c. Howlin' Wolf
d. Al Gore

4. Who produced and "starred" in a documentary about global warming?
a. Morgan Spurlock
b. NASA
c. Charles Darwin
d. Al Gore

5. Who was responsible in yesterdays mishap involving a U.S. submarine and a Japanese boat?
a. Osama Bin Laden
b. Saddam Hussein
c. Timothy McVeigh
d. Al Gore

*see answer key below.





*I assume you guessed them all correctly and for that I will tell you a little secret: Albert Arnold Gore can be rearranged to spell: Groaned, "Ballot err!"

Check out Dave Barry's Year In Review 2006

First There Was Kittyzilla

Snowzilla Returns to Alaska
Read here why neighbors in Alaska are furious about the return of Snowzilla. Others are curious as to why Snowzilla keeps coming back to this particualr neighborhood instead of travelling to, say, Vermont.

New Hogzilla of Georgia
Stu, you may say, what is the word on all these humongous hogs roaming the streets of Georgia, that state in the South where you live? Well, If I could guess I'd say that this latest hog was rootin' around the McDonald's dumpster or sump'n in order to reach 1000 pounds, or, half a ton. I know some guys who hunt hog all year 'round, and they tell me it's dangerous work because a hog is mean, and will chase you up a tree if you're fortunate enough to possess tree-climbing skills. Sho 'nuff, I would plan a big barbeque if I happened to shoot a 1000 pound hog, even though they say the meat is tough. I wonder if the poke skins'd be tough, too?

Stu's Church Web Site of the Week

I love this site because it is unassuming, has video of worship musicians, and gives directions as "On State Road 50, one mile west of 27," which I'm guessing is a location somewhere in the United States, and if you start driving today, you may find by Sunday morning. And only if you (guys) stop and ask your wife for directions. Congrats to Turn Point for being selected as Stu's Site of the Week.

Meet the "New" Speed
Read this about the so-called energy drinks, which, when fed to laboratory rats causes anxiety, agitation, and attempts to order food at Waffle House®. The word energy in energy drinks is a definite misnomer, since caffeine provides no energy whatsoever to the human body on the cellular level. Caffeine is a billion-dollar industry, and attempts to expose its effects are quieted quicker than a bill introduced by Nancy Pelosi. One effect is similar to alcohol in that it may cause one to become more outgoing, talkative, and sociable, even though alcohol is a depressant, while caffeine is a stimulant. In defense of "The V" who lives in an uninhabitable state in the winter months otherwise know as Vermont, caffeine in the form of hot coffee can be most useful for keeping hands warm, de-icing the windshield, and preventing blood vessels from freezing. Don't look for energy, that's all. Like my grandmama used to say, "For a headache, throw the aspirin over your shoulder and drink the water."

A Wife Swapping Pentecostal Person...Say WHAT?!
This just in: one of our own Aps applied to ABC's wife swap show and got placed, doing the filming as we speak! This will definitely be a closer look at Ap lifestyles than ever before, and on national televison for all to see. Hopefully they'll al