Valentine’s Day

This week brings much fun to happy couples and the happily interested everywhere as the ritualistic celebration of St. Valentine is enacted. For those of you out there spinning your records backwards and watching Disney cartoons in slow mo to find the antichrist, I’ll save you the trouble on this one. Though Valentine is named for a saint, the day is not overtly a Christian holiday. In fact, some even believe it is pagan in origin.

The Ghosts of Valentines Past
The history behind Valentine’s Day is very enigmatic. Catholic history reveals three separate martyred saints for whom St. Valentine could be named. There are various legends, all pointing to St. Valentine as a romantic acting heroically in the name of love.

The Here and Now
In direct proportion to the haves and have-nots, today we have both Valentine’s Day revelers and Valentine’s Day protesters. Say what you will, but at least after reading this, you will not have an excuse to forget a gift for your Valentine.

Is Everyone Single?
But the truth is that not everyone has a Valentine. A friend sent an archived article titled “Why Aren’t Christians Dating?” The article writer really reaches no conclusion as to why Christians don’t date and are (apparently) happy single… or not unhappy enough to do anything about it. Well, at least then we’re all in this together, right?

Much as I hate to turn this into a cheesy ym dating quiz, I did run across an "Are You Better off Single?" quiz recently. If these interest you in the slightest, there are a lot more of those heartwarming “stay single” articles floating around, such as “6 Bad Reasons to Date”, “10 Dating Stats You Ought to Know”, and “Last One Single”. Boy howdy, isn’t that encouraging. All these stats could almost lead one to believe dating is an incorrigible human instinct that we, through much psychotherapy, should try to overcome.

Top Ten Things for Single People to Do on Valentine’s Day
Well for better or worse, there are many singles on Valentine’s Day (aka the day couples try to exert their supremacy over the rest of the herd). In light of that fact, suggestions for single folk today abound. Not to be outdone, I’ve compiled a list of my own suggestions for alternatives to V-Day:

1. Dress in black and send condolence cards to all non-single friends.
2. Go on a search for weapons of mass destruction.... Oh wait, that’s already been done.
3. Create a valentine card for yourself out of duct tape. Extra points if you use spray paint.
4. Host your own personal Easter Egg hunt. Invite the Superbowl refs to officiate so you are sure to win.
5. Tell yourself you will start on your taxes… and then laugh uncontrollably.
6. Roll the youth pastor’s house for the 813th time.
7. Clean up the youth pastor’s house for the 813th time.
8. Hit the clearance bin and stock up on shower gifts while thinking of new descriptive words for the next time someone at church has a baby.
9. Dress in all green and go around pinching people. If anyone dares to suggest you’ve crossed your holidays, look at them disbelievingly and ask where's their Christmas spirit.
10. Buy yourself some chocolates and see if you can prove wrong that “you can’t drink an entire gallon of milk in a single hour” fact.

As always, you can report on your success by e-mailing me. Happy Valentine's Day!