Did you know there are 22,020,096 possible order combinations from the
Waffle House menu? That’s a lot of exponential variations for all you Math majors. Turns out there are all kinds of seldom-observed facts about the Waffle House.
I know because I’m at Waffle House #677, “home of stick-to-your-bones food” (a slogan I’m hereby humbly submitting for their corporate consideration), and it’s posted on one of the many posters around the classic, cozy restaurant shaped uncannily like a house trailer. It’s been a while since I’ve hit a WH, and I’m struck by how full of life the place is and how much I overlook and under-appreciate this great American institution.
Things have changed since my last visit. Now there are
House Rules on a shiny new laminated poster taped (sorry, no duct) to the door. I didn’t get around to reading them, and somehow I’m sure no one else has either. Instead my eyes are drawn to the aged sign above the grill:
Shirt and shoes must be worn to be served. This fascinates me for several reasons, not the least of which is my question as to if shirtless folks can just hang out and watch other people eat.
Another interesting fact about WH is that booths are reserved for parties of two or more. My guess is that the enforcement of this policy operates on an honor system, but there could be force involved. I don’t know. I'm not taking any chances. So I park it at an end stool at the counter and chalk it up to another form of discrimination against single people.
I come here every so often to prove to myself I’m not
truly OCD. You see, WH is a very hands-on kind of place. Sure it’s no different than any other eatery, but here you actually see the staff getting busy with your groceries as opposed to the grisly scene being hid in the kitchen out back, and for hand-sanitizer-packing-phobes like me, it’s overwhelming. But it’s healthy to confront your fears and overcome them, or so I tell myself as Dustin hands over my Texas Toast (literally).
Another interesting thing is that Waffle House doesn’t serve pancakes. It’s all about waffles here… and the 22,020,095 things (which surprisingly don't include pancakes). Somebody just played a song called “It’s Alright to Be a Redneck Bomp Bomp” and despite the new
House Rules’ warning that rowdy behavior will not be tolerated, a young group in the corner is getting loud.
Yes, the Waffle House is abuzz with waves of social and intellectual discourse. I wonder what my neighbors are discussing—those lucky “group” people who qualified for booths. I’m sure they're just wondering the same thing I am—why hasn’t anyone thought to combine a Waffle House and
Dairy Queen all under one roof!
OtherSo have you ever thought about that whole
“Be angry and sin not” scripture? What do you make of that? Is it okay to be mad so long as you don’t beat anyone about the head with a Waffle House spatula or something? I’m so curious. That statement has always fascinated me. Especially that next part about not letting the sun set on your anger. Am I okay since it was already after dark when I got mad? Does that mean I have until sunset tomorrow to be angry and then I have to get over it? Well, (un)fortunately for you, I deal with my anger by visiting Waffle Houses and then bombarding you, my captive audience, with the full report. So unless a trip to the ol’ WH becomes taboo, I think I’m okay.
