Etymology and the Study of the Origin of the Word Church: How Alleged Anti-Semitism Has Biased the Translation of the Bible and Why Certain Groups of

Ha, ha. Still kidding.

You know, it’s amazing how much trouble you can get into with the Internet and a couple hours of boredom. This past weekend, while being bored out of my skull optimizing photos for a website, I discovered rai.

And promptly fell in love with Khaled, one of the foremost rai singers in the world. Okay, so he’s a middle-aged Middle Eastern man, but he can sing at my wedding any day. Provided he’s still alive, of course.

Apparently rai is a type of music popular in Islamic countries. Of course, I couldn’t understand a word of it, but my favorite song, “Aisha,” sounds like a love song. Which leaves me terribly confused. If arranged marriages are the norm in Middle Eastern countries, is anyone technically allowed to fall in love? I mean, wouldn’t love songs be banned lest the young people start getting foolish ideas in their heads? I would think the songs there would go something like:

I am on my way to my wedding, doing my duty
I will see you for the first time in this place
May Allah bless you with beauty
So you don’t look like a camel when I see your face

Speaking of People Who Look Like Camels . . .

It occurred to me the other day that I probably won’t be at my current job forever. I may leave one day, and when I do, my replacement will have to do as good a job as I do at the most important duty I have. I call that duty Bugging the Boss.

In order to prepare her for such an important job, I came up with a handy list of ways she can do just that. I’ve entitled it Top Five Ways to Bug the Boss:

Five
Accuse him of having a crush on Britney Spears.
Bonus points: Play her music really loudly in your office and “forget” that you pressed the “Lock” button on the intercom.

Four
Tell him you really enjoyed the movie Pearl Harbor because of its historical accuracy.
Bonus points: Come in early and paste the movie poster on his door on top of his airplane calendar.

Three
Wash his coffee cup.
Bonus points: Wash the coffee pot out with dish detergent and hide the coffee filters.

Two
Inform him with a very haughty attitude that all music made before the 80s has no soul.
Bonus points: Play Weezer’s “Beverly Hills” and say, “See? Isn’t this so much better than the Eagles?”

One
Tell him that if John Wayne were alive today, he would’ve starred in Brokeback Mountain.
Bonus points: None. Just duck and get out of his office quick!

Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!