Angel Soft Angels in Action

As posted earlier, for my roommate Smithson this is his first go-round in his own apartment. Before this, he had lived with his parents, which makes little things, like buying toilet paper, a big deal. . . and last night, we were fresh out.

THE CALL
So I received the phone call declaring the need. Smithson asks, "Hey, I just wanted to make sure that you haven't picked up any toiletpaper, because you know we're out." I didn't have the courage to ask when he found this out (pre- or post-need). I informed him that I was unaware of the need, and thus hadn't remedied the situation. "Well," he announced, "I'm gonna run over to Wal-Mart and pick some up then."

Ok. . . you do that. . .

THE DELIVERY
Half an hour later he storms through the door with a 12-pack of Angel Soft. For two bachelors, this is like a one-year supply. I'm sure he had to do some house cleaning just to fit this monstrous package under the bathroom sink. He was clearly proud of his purchase.

TAKING PRIDE TO THE NEXT LEVEL
So proud, in fact, that he decided to read the plastic packaging.

Toilet paper packaging is something that most of us take for granted. Who reads the packaging!?! It's not like you should be looking for directions.

And in the process, Smithson discovered something that I'm sure 99% of America is ignorant of . . . simply because they too have never read the packaging.

THE DISCOVERY
It's called Angel Soft's Angels in Action. . Their package and Website read, "The makers of Angel Soft® toilet paper believe that kids who have dedicated themselves to acts of kindness should be rewarded for their efforts. That's why they created the Angel Soft® Angels in Action® Program. Children and teens, ages 8-18, will be recognized and rewarded for executing exemplary acts of service to benefit their community, a charity or cause. Nominations are now being accepted for the 2006 program."

As if such a remarkable program weren't enough, check out spokesperson , Jenny Garth, "the breakout star of one of the most successful series ever produced - "Beverly Hills, 90210." Having skyrocketed to stardom, . . Garth took on a new role as spokesperson for the annual Angel Soft Angels in Action Program." I could only dream of such stardom . . .

CALL TO ACTION
A toilet paper that pays you back! I'm sure you have an excellent chance of winning, because who reads toiletpaper packaging. . . except Smithson. So nominate your little chumpkin today. Smithson was visibly shaken because he is beyond the qualifiying age of 18. That's OK, Smithson. Because you made the ultimate sacrifice by going on a toilet-paper run, you'll always be my Angel Soft Angel in Action.


Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!

Marjorie Truman

For those who formed an addiction to June's blogger of the month, Marjorie Truman has started a new blog spot at cavemargem@theblogspot.com. She says there's nothing there yet (but that may be true even after she posts. Jk). She is a great friend who always has interesting perspectives and insights into things. Ask her about St. Johns.

Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!

Phil Wickham

Recently I had the privilege of reviewing Phil Wickham's new album for the 90 & 9 Web site.

To hear an excellent live version of a song that has been haunting me ever since, check out this site: http://www.inorecords.com/video/PhilWickham/DivineRomance_large.mov

Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!

The Beast has Entered the Building

I swear to you I heard the she-pipers flute as the little rats lined up to be led out of New Jerusalem. She said, "Oh, you don't have to have your hand scanned to check in. That's just a feature that comes automatically with the timeclock. That's for those businesses that don't trust their employees." And with a smug and sinister smirk she gritted through her teeth, "But we trussst you." The minion's laughter could be heard echoing through the walls.

All the devil needs is a foot in the door. Instead, we've placed his stamp just inside our doorways. As Israel attacks, are we entering into those final days? Pray for peace in Jerusalem, be as wise as serpents, harmless as doves.

Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!

Mark of Beast Meeting

I'm heading into UPCI HQ chapel, where rumor has it, this is where they will insert the Mark of the Beast into our hands. I'm blogging just in case I don't make it out alive. I will never receive The Mark, even if it means not getting paid.

Gulp! Pray for me!

Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!

The Latest on the Mark of the Beast

As posted yesterday, there is a new time clock at UPCI headquarters that is making alot of employees nervous because it will require them to scan their hands to clock in.

Some believe this is a Preterist Tester. Preterists will gladly scan their hands because they believe the Mark of the Beast was a thing of the past.

No word on when the chip will actually be inserted into our hands to make these timeclocks work.

Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!

Superman?

I've concluded, without a doubt, that the name "Superman" is a misnomer? Before I explain, let me tell you how I stumbled upon this rediculous thought.

SUPERHICK
I was in the video store, picking up my next installment of 24, when I notice a man at the counter. He was about 40, 300 pounds, ponytail, redneck goatee, and as the cherry on this sundae, he was wearing a Superman tank-top that was about two-xx's too small.

As a means of making conversation the clerk asked the obvious question, "Have you seen the new Superman?"

Superhick responded in a Sylvester the Pussycat-type voice, "NO! I wouldn't see that thing, even if you paid me! I mean Christopher Reeves as Superman? Alright. But Brandon Routh?!? He couldn't break a toothpick. I mean, give me a real Superman, like Vin Deisel! Someone I can believe can bend steel. But Brandon Routh!?! I could tie him into a pretzel!"

This man had given this some serious thought, which got me thinkin' bout Superman.

WHY A MISNOMER
Don't call him Superman. Let me explain.

HE'S NOT A MAN
He is from Krypton, right? That would make him Kryptonian, not human. Humans were created by God on the sixth day here on earth. If we are going to believe that "Clark Kent" were somehow human, how can Bible-believing Christians explain human existence on Krypton? Not without threatening Adam's special status as "that first guy who sinned." If God made another human race in His image on Krypton, Jesus was the third, not the second Adam (shudder to think).

Indeed, That Guy cannot be a "man;" he is Kryptonian.

AND HE'S NOT SUPER
True, humans can't fly, they don't have x-ray vision, and tall buildings? Fuggetaboutit. But he's not human; he's Kryptonian, . . and an average one at that. In Superman 2, when the villianous threesome, also from Krypton, landed on Earth in a prisonous glass shard, it proved that apparently all Kryptonians had these "Super" abilities. I didn't hear anyone calling them "Superbadguys." They were just evil minded Kryptonians bent on using the same abilities for destruction and not good.

Yes, the alter ego of Clark Kent saved the day, but that is because he was the only available Kryptonian (perhaps others Kryptonians could have done the job better, if only they had rich royalty as parents who could whisked their child off Krypton just before it kaboomed.).

Think about it. Just because a steel knife cuts through butter, that doesn't make it Superbutter. It is still a steel knife that is doing what it is made to do. It is tougher than butter, but that doesn't make it better than butter. Give me butter on my bread any day. . . and don't mistake the knife for the butter.

Similarly, stop calling That Guy Superman. He may have superhuman qualities, but, he's not a man, hence, he's not super. In fact, humans are good at alot of things that he stinks at. Take painting, for example. And dressing. I bet he's also lousy at math.

So I say we call him Average Kryptonian, and reserve the title Superman for those who truly deserve it, like Stephen Colbert.

Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!

Dream Center Tragedy

My heartfelt Jesus-ward cries go up for the ministers of the Dream Center this morning. Having been the supervisor of a daycare where a fatality later struck, I understand the trauma that is wrecking the minds of the people who were in charge of that field trip. Sure, mistakes were made, and this morning the cousellors sit stunned, reliving the scenario, torturing themselves with what they should have done differently.

Pray that good people of faith don't abandon their ministries. Pray that the Dream Center's pastoral elders have the wisdom to mercifully counsel their younger staff, along with the families who have suffered this tremendous loss. Find time to pray for and encourage them, so that they seek Christian leading, rather than responding to the fear of the lawsuit. The Dream Center does wonderful work for the Kingdom of God in downtown St. Louis. May this tragedy on the Meremac River be used for God's greater good in building His eternal Kingdom. Let's not make this about criticizing Joyce Meyers; this is a direct attack on the body of Christ. Let Him know you care.

Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!

The storylines

An introduction to some of the storylines that may run through July's blog.

CHILDREN'S MINISTER
I am currently a children's pastor of approximately 40 kids, ages 6-10, at Christ Tabernacle Church (UPCI--Herrick, IL), pastored by Thomas Suey. We are currently in the midst of a children's revival, wherein God is speaking to many members of my little flock on an individual basis, telling them that He plans on constructing an American and world-wide revival by speaking through the children, and through the Latinos.

ALL-NITE PRAYER CAMP
In conjunction with the World Network of Prayer, at the end of the month, Christ Tabernacle is bringing in Kids Prayer Coordinator Angie Clark for an overnight prayer camp. At this gathering we will teach the children to pray for church, the community, and the world. We are expecting many to get filled with the Holy Ghost, and I am also expecting to have some hard-to-believe stories that could only be attributable to God.

WORD AFLAME PUBLICATIONS
Get the full scoop on what is happening at UPCI HQ, because I have an inside line as the Editorial Designer (Toddler & Youth levels) for Word Aflame Publications.

Mark of the Beast -- For example, right now everybody's talking about how the new time clocks will force HQ employees to take the mark of the Beast. While the building is still using the old punch clocks, new clocks are being installed that have a hand scanner. The running joke, "What's next, a retina scan?" Some people are talking about boycotting the new time clocks. I can't tell if they're joking yet.

SMITHSON, MY ROOMMATE
At age 25, Smithson never did housework before moving in with me. Living with him is hilarious, and any comments made are intended for fun and with love in mind. Things like garbage disposals have a mesmerizing fascination to him. While he is alien to the oven (danger Will Robinson), he is really becoming a master of the Pizzazz, and the George Foreman grilling machine.

Just the other day, as he sat idly on the couch, Smithson comments, "Hey, you may want to take a look at that coffee pot. It's got some mold-stuff growing on the bottom of it." Not knowing what to expect, I investigated. Apparently, Smithson had made a pot of coffee about two weeks ago, and failed to pour out the coffee in the bottom of the carafe. Once mold started growing, he was so grossed out that he'd rather tell me to check it out, than pour it out himself. I know I'm not the perfect roommate either.

LOVE MACHINE
The last storyline of note -- I am engaged to be married in early-November to a beautiful monkey-woman named MiMi. I do adore her so, and you will have to forgive me at times because I have been blinded by love. If by blog goes dead for a couple of days, it's probably because my MiMi has found herself another gorilla. Ooh ooh.

I'm prepared for wild ride

Am I the Right Man for This Job?

Coo coo katchoo, I am the Anti-Blogger . . . or so I thought. You'll have to forgive me, this is my first time, . . blogging that is, or even looking at The Blog for that matter. Before this moment, I have been opposed to the very beast into which I am currently typing, feeding him with the very opinions which I have tried to avoid. Oh the insatiable belly of The Blog.

You see, over the last month, two long-time acquaintances had contacted me out of the blue. Oh, they didn't have time to talk, but "if you want to hear what I'm up to, just check out The Blog," they said.

My reply, . . how rude, shallow, arrogant . . . You got me on the phone, why don't you just tell me. What makes someone think I've got time to randomly investigate whether my friends had an exciting day? Of course I was convicted of my selfishness. These were my long-time friends afterall . . . but then I also justified my actions by their selfishness.

And so I prayed, "Lord, what am I missing here? It seems like this is just a dose of reality TV taken too far. Surely The Blog will go out of fashion like the 8-track. Have you seen the time these kids have spent feeding The Blog? Do I really need to take the time, Lord, to go blog-shopping?"

And proving once again that God can still make a joke, even after we put nails in His wrists, I get contacted by 90 & 9 asking me to be Bloggo, your monthly glass-house resident. And I am diving into this with an open, yet cynical, mind.

So I'm asking you to defend yourself, oh mouse-potato generation. What makes The Blog enjoyable? Readable? Mediocre? Lousy? Addictive? Worthwhile? Why have you come to this blog-site today? Talk to me! Make me a believer! I want to know you, I want to like you, But the real question is, by the end of July, can you make me want to be you?

Am I a three decker saurkraut and toadstoolsandwich with arsenic sauce?

Your July blogger,
Chris Anderson

Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!